Another one said...

"...I don't expect any sympathy here, but I'm asking for help. I want to break away from this, but I don't know how..."

That's a line from a comment written by a young woman who is somehow involved with a married man. Apparently, she's quite young and even though that doesn't make her any less culpable, it does make it tough for me to be angry at her and rip her to shreds. I could do that if I wanted to but I think she's smacking herself pretty well as it is.

The name she used is Leila so I will just speak to her.

Leila, you're younger than any of my kids so I can't really work up a healthy anger towards you. On top of that, you asked for help and I would hope that if my daughter were in your position, she would have someone who would help her.

I can imagine that you can't really talk to anyone else about your situation. It must be awful to be going through something like that alone. You say that you feel guilty and that you're truly a decent person who's gotten in over your head. That's what I hear anyway. Girl, any healthy relationship in life makes you feel GOOD about yourself. It doesn't make you feel badly...that's the sign of a sick relationship.

If you're in college now, you should be there for one purpose, to learn about life and ensure yourself a decent future. You have a long, long time to live and the things that you do now are the habits that you will develop for a lifetime. If you start out in life finding a way to rationalize behavior that you know is wrong, you'll just get better at that as time goes by. I assure you, you do not want to make a habit out of rationalizing bad behavior. As it is now, for the rest of your life, every time you have a bad relationship or whenever some dude treats you poorly, you'll wonder if you aren't being paid back for the things you're doing now. It'll eat away at you for years.

The guy you're "seeing" knows this and yet he doesn't hesitate to continue to put you in this hideous situation. Men who cheat on their wives (physically or emotionally) don't care about the onus they place upon the women they cheat with. You're being set up to be called all sorts of dreadful names. You may not be having sex with this guy...but if you two are found out, do you really think anyone would believe you? Honey...no one will.

We don't place scarlet letters on adulterers anymore but we certainly don't put them on a pedestal either. It's tough to live down a reputation earned by one stupid mistake and you're far too young to grasp what kind of impact this could have on you and your life for years to come.

I don't think you need advice, you know what you're doing is wrong. What you need is the strength to do the right thing. As I said in my reply to your comment, act as if. Act as if you are a strong person. Just do what you know you need to do. Write the guy a letter or 5 letters telling him how you feel. The more you write it down, the more you'll see how wrong what you're doing is. Someday you'll have kids and a husband. How would you feel if they knew about this? How would you feel if someone had an "emotional affair" with your life partner?

There is no future with the guy. All the future holds is an inevitable break up that will leave you devastated. The only way that you can get out of this mess as gracefully as possible is to do it while it's under your control. You say that you feel as though you're betraying a fellow woman. You are but you can get out of it if only you can find the power that IS inside of all women to do the right thing. If you have to, pretend that you're talking to your best friend, your kid sister or one of your own daughters. What would you tell them if they were in your situation? Be your own best friend and listen to yourself.

You're young enough to start life with a decent slate. And wouldn't it be great if you made a habit out of doing the right thing no matter how tough it is? Imagine what kind of woman you could be if you started trying NOW!