I just woke up...

...and had to run to my computer to talk about the dream I had before I forget the stupid thing. I dreamt that I wanted to do Cheek Dude and in my dream, I did! Well, I got close anyway.

We were in my room about to do the horizontal bop when all of a sudden he asked if he should use a rubber. Now, I haven't had to consider that for a while now. My fuckbuddy dude just did, I didn't have to ask him and he didn't have to ask me. But, in my dream, Cheek Dude did. He ASKED me that is.

Anyway, when he asked I told him that it would probably be a good idea and then I offered to go to Kroger with him to buy one. You know, dreams can be quite odd so please keep that in mind as I tell you about mine. I'm sure that each of you have had some rather bizarre dreams as well so unless you can honestly say that you haven't, don't laugh at me when I tell you this.

First of all, we both decided to walk to Kroger naked. As we walked to the store I asked him why he never put his clothes on. He answered, "I was afraid that you would have put yours back on and it took me too long to get them all off." OK then. We got to Kroger and saw a sign on the door that said, "No shirt, no shoes, no service." We decided to go shopping for a shirt and a pair of shoes. He paid for everything and when we were walking back to Kroger in our shirts and our shoes, I asked him, "Where did you have the money for those clothes?"

"In my ear of course."

"Your EAR?"

"Yeah, my father kept quarters in his ears so I started keeping dollar bills in mine."

Now, we were walking for a long time before re realized how cold it was. In my dream I thought about you guys and the blog. I said, "OOH! My nipples ARE hard!" At that point I noticed that my shirt was now a hat. I didn't ask any questions, it was a dream.

Then we were in the backyard of some old lady who had just hung out her laundry. Cheek Dude wanted to help her so that she didn't have to come out in the cold. So, we helped her.

As we were walking away he said, "You stole her clothespins!"

I tried to deny it but they were hanging off of my nipples. I don't think I did that, but I didn't think they were there either.

Anyway, we continued on our odyssey and then we came to a 73 Volkswagen and I recognized it as mine. (I did have one of those, but it was in the 70's and another car landed on top of it while it was parked in our driveway so it's been dead for decades.) We gassed up the car and started driving to Kroger. I don't know why Kroger was so far but it was. We decided to see how far we could go on one tank of gas so we drove on a highway. As we got close to the state line, don't ask me what state we were in, I started seeing billboards for rubbers. One said, "PROPHYLACTICS-LAST CHANCE. We pulled over and got one. Cheek Dude said he only wanted to buy one because he didn't want me to think he was being presumptuous by buying a bunch of them.

We had a conversation about how we should take really good care of that one rubber and for some reason, we decided to put it on him then before we lost it. It was plaid. I repeated something I read in a book years ago, "A plaid pecker can send a girl running off into the night." (I think it was The Summer of 42.) We headed home only now we were walking again.

I think it was here that he decided to cook me dinner. Anyway, we both cooked in my kitchen and while we were doing that, Rick came out of the bedroom and walked into the kitchen.

There I stood, in my shoes, hat and nipples clothespins cooking dinner with a guy wearing a shirt and shoes who had a dollar sticking out of his ear. All of a sudden it dawned on me that I was married. For some reason that I don't know, I hit Rick in the head and quarters popped out and landed on the floor. When I was picking them up, Cheek Dude disappeared. I never got laid and Cheek Dude left all ready for sex, rubber and all. Some other woman in Dreamland is doing him as I speak.

That's when I woke up. I tried to go back to sleep to find Cheek Dude because I really, really wanted to do his ass but I couldn't fall back to sleep. While I was trying, the dream started coming back to me and I started laughing so much that I couldn't sleep so I just gave up. Then I came in here and poured myself a cup of stale coffee from yesterday. Now I have to go make some fresh stuff. But, I AM going to save the stale stuff for the people who should have been here this morning but aren't.

My son AND my sister both went out last night and neither one of them came home. They both get lucky and I'm dreaming about rubbers.

I hate those suckers, don't you? When I used to talk about feeling frisky on this thing, I always got a few people telling me to use toys and to take care of business myself. I tried that once when I was 17 and it didn't work. I never bothered again. I NEVER used toys and I'd be sort of embarrassed to even try that. I've gone this long so I won't bother in the future.

Rubbers seem so personal, don't they? I mean, wouldn't you rather do the guy a few times before you start trying to get one of those bastards on him? You sort of HAVE to help the guy or things could go DOWNhill from there. It seems as though anytime I see a guy put on a rubber, he gets a hair caught in it or something stupid like that and then I start to laugh. That's not good for anyone.

I think they should try to come up with a new type of rubber, an "ouchless" sort of deal that doesn't grab hairs. I have the patent on that idea, by the way. Don't think that you can use it and not pay me something...I'll sue ya.

OK, I need to go and make that fresh coffee.

You know, it just occurred to me that my dream life is getting more action that my real life.