Rerun by request

Don’t you just hate the word...

...Penis? It just sounds so stupid that it’s no wonder that people seem to rename their ‘members”.

I think it is kind of funny that you don’t rename the body parts until you know someone really well. Up until then, you have to use the word penis. What a stupid word. Penis. I hate that. Say it out loud a couple times, Penis...Penis…Penis.Penis’s do give us some information...if you ever wondered whether or not God is a woman, look to the penis for the answer. If God WERE a woman, the penis would be on a man’s chin, not in between his legs. The penis will tell you how large a man’s foot is as well. You find one big enough and you can be sure, there are some big ass feet walking around somewhere. A funky penis will tell you that your date has been visiting a certain trailer park in Kennesaw, Georgia where the appellation trailer trash is considered a compliment.

Although I don’t know any people named penis, I did have a boss named Mr. Penisis. He was the manager for the Yankee Doodle Dandy Restaurant that I worked at when I was 15. I would use his phone and if he left his name tag on the desk, I would cover up the IS at the end. He never noticed it before he put it on. I can’t believe I was paid to laugh that much. I wonder what the record is for using the word penis in a paragraph?

Let’s see…Penis is a word that doesn’t flow too well, say it again, penis. You can’t really work penis into too many sentences. What can you really say about a penis? After the penis envy conversation, why would you ever use the word penis? You can’t just stand up and shout, “Penis!”, not even in a crowded movie theater. As a nurse, I was able to write penis occasionally, but not often. I did have a patient with a damaged penis once. I had an order to do a dressing change on his penis. I thought that perhaps a doctor should take care of the penis. A lady shouldn’t touch a strange man’s penis if there is another penis person around. So, the penis wielding doctor took care of the penis for me. Of course, I had to ASK him to change the penis dressing which meant I had to say the word penis to him. You can’t replace penis with One Eyed Wonder Worm at the nurses station, you just have to say penis. Shouldn’t the plural of penis be peni?

Well, I am all penised out. (Funny, that never happened when I was with Rick.)

When my son slammed his penis with the toilet seat, the doctors at the emergency room told me to take him home and elevate it. (You use a rolled up towel.)Apparently, there are some penis stories in my family I didn’t know about. My father and I have been discussing penis’s and he told me that one of my brothers zipped his up and hid in his room with it zipped up.Talk about delicate.That explains a lot.The Chicago White Sox had a pitcher named Gary Peters who was injured. The paper ran a story that said, “Sox to play without Peters!” I’ve been a Cubs fan ever since.

It’s one thing for we women to be interested in the male member, but I find it mystifying when a man devotes too much time to his OWN wanger. I don’t mean their little love affair between Mr. Hand and Mr. Happy…I just don’t understand why would anyone actually draw pictures of the thing? For some strange reason a man did just that...AND he posted it on the internet:

WOW!!!

Now, why he chose to show the entire world a drawing of his “member”, is beyond me. But what truly perplexes me is why on Earth he felt the need to pencil in his own ruler? Now, perhaps that might be a good idea for some men, but in this guy's case, I think he would have been better off leaving the measurements out of the picture. (I bet he made the inches smaller to make his wanger bigger) Many men, and a number of women, I am sure, are concerned with the size of a man's penis. In case you are one of those folks, here is a guide with which you see how your penis “stands up” in relation to others:

http://www.neo-tech.com/penis/

And, should you check out that chart and find that your penis doesn’t quite “measure up”, you can always try:

Enlargel A transdermal male enhancement gel proven to rapidly accelerate permanent penis enlargement!

Apparently, if you take a big handful of this stuff and rub it on your penis...in a rapid up and down fashion, you will see immediate results!!!!

By the way, if you think that your penis is particularly extraordinary, please help out these folk:

We need your penis pictures! Pictures are of great help to many men. Please submit your pictures today. Just send them via e-mail to rubent2@yahoo.com or upload them yourself at our Yahoo Club.

Of course, some men may prefer to keep a "little" secret, and I certainly understand that. If you are one of them, you have my sympathy and I shan't ask you to disclose anything that you don't want to disclose.

In researching the mighty penis, I found an affliction that I had never heard about…even after YEARS of nursing school and college:

The other day I was masturbating and afterwards when I got soft my penis was softer than usual and since then it bends to one side and I have no sensation on the one side it bends to one side when I get an erection...Signed, Bent and confused.

Well, Bent and confused didn’t just sit there, wanger in hand, wondering what the hell was going on. Oh no, he wanted to know what had caused his penis to become warped. So, he sent an email to a doctor who, for some unknown reason, decided to post Bent’s problem on the internet for the entire world to see. I don’t know why...perhaps Bent and the doc had more than a patient-doctor relationship and then Bent betrayed the poor doctor. Of course, this is just a guess, I could be wrong. One way or another, the doctor answered Bent’s question:

It sounds like you caused yourself some trauma while masturbating. You may have what is known as a fractured penis. Usually, the penis will become limp immediately, and you will have some noticeable bruising and swelling, which it sounds like you had.

A fractured penis? I didn't even know that was an option....BUT...it does explain a LOT.

OK, once more…I’m sick of the penis talk…too much penis makes me gag. I'm ready for some penis action.

AND DON’T TAKE THAT AS AN INVITATION! I meant it rhetorically!