She said...
"...But believe me, this was a very big problem for me. It was one that drained me in all levels. But I couldn't possibly tell you about it. This is one of those problems that you would have to go through so that you can truly appreciate how it feels..."
Those are words spoken by someone who was quite unceremoniously dumped by a coward of a husband after an affair with a needy wench of a female. (Jeff Kirby and Colleen Lombardi for those not in the know). She’s right…you have no idea what it's like unless you’ve been through it. I hope you never have to experience the hideous heart wrenching feeling that comes along with such a betrayal. I happen to know exactly what she means.
I wonder how many people who read this blog 3 years ago when I started it have since experienced the same thing themselves? What an awful thing to have happen in your life. The betrayal is so incredibly painful that it takes years and years to get over…if ever. The worst part is that at the absolute worst moment of your life, you don’t have your best friend, your lover or your soul mate around to make anything better. It’s a stunning, aching pain that can be worse than cancer. There’s an obvious way out of cancer…but there’s nothing at all that you can do to make THIS pain go away.
And you don’t get too much help from anyone else. All you hear is “get over it” and to “get on with your life”. Oh! Isn’t that lovely? As though you hadn’t thought of that. DUH! That’s the point, my life was stolen. There’s no life to go back to. You have to build a new one as soon as you can find something to build a life around.
Nobody enjoys wallowing in the pain that won’t go away no matter what you do…it’s just that it consumes you and it takes a while to fight your way through the post dump shock.
In a way, this is sort of like working on a good relationship. Cheek Dude is a nice guy and he hasn’t done one wrong thing. But I don’t feel happy at all about it. I probably did that to myself so that I didn’t have to deal with anymore of that yucky feeling. I still talk to him and see him, I just have a grip now. If he did do something stupid, I probably would walk away and quickly. I don’t like the feelings that go with a new relationship anymore than I like the ones that went with The Betrayal.
Both feelings are quite distracting and there are things that I’d rather be accomplishing. I decided to set my priorities a bit differently…I dropped men down a couple of notch’s. Not that I won’t keep on playing with them, Lord knows they serve their purpose. I do enjoy them and their company. But as Roseanne once said, “I want a man in my life, not in my house.” Well, I don’t want one IN my life either…I just want them on certain nights of the week. Pool will be on Tuesdays and guys will be a weekend sort of thing.
During the day I’ll take care of business unfettered by concerns about men. As sweet as they are, they do seem to subtract more than they add. Maybe someday I’ll meet one who’ll change my mind…but I don’t think that’ll happen for a long time.
OK then…something more positive….uh…nothing comes to mind. See what I mean? These dudes are just clogging my brain. Men, if you’re out there, you should know that we DO think about this stuff, as much or more than you do. You like to make fun of the old ball and chain but my ankle is pretty scarred for no seemingly good reason. Women do have feelings and there’s a few of them that you should consider. Now, remember, you write me and say that you enjoy knowing how a woman feels, so just deal with this:
1. Women don’t make love without having feelings. We are just as likely to have a one night stand as you are, but all in all, we assume that there’s a commitment of some kind when a guy makes love to us. I know you don’t…but trust me, WE DO.
2. Yes, even a slight peek at a passing ass bothers us. We usually let those things go…but if we’re sitting right there in front of you, just look at us. You can go back on ass-alert later.
3. Every single one of us is different and different things annoy each of us. Don’t assume that there’s one set of rules for all of us. Something that drives most women nuts might not bother me one bit and I resent the implication that it does…even if made in jest.
4. We don’t judge you sexually based upon physical attributes or because you can “last” forever. Like the size of the ship, the length of the act is nothing; it all depends on that motion of the ocean stuff. If you don’t leave us in an orgasm deficit, we’ll call you “Good in Bed”.
5. Don’t assume that a woman had an orgasm simply because you did and she was nice enough to help you by moaning and saying nice things about you and your abilities. You could just ask.
6. Flowers are not an outmoded concept. Tell a joke and she smiles for a moment. Send her flowers and she’ll smile until they die. Even after they're dead, some of us will leave those fuckers up there, drooping and brown, just to smile some more.
7. If you start out being honest about EVERYTHING, you never have to get into the habit of lying “just to keep her happy”. Be honest up front and give her the chance to leave if she wants to. If she stays, you really have a good one who cares about YOU…not some guy you’ve pretended to be.
8. Don’t take advantage of an ex who still cares for you. Just go away and leave her alone. Every time you call or come by it’s like pulling the scab off again. God forbid you should sleep with her just because you can…that’s cruel.
9. No matter how busy you are, a quick email or phone call will brighten someone’s day. It costs you 30 seconds and it literally gives another person a lift they may sorely need.
10. If you hear another guy bragging about a “conquest”, don’t encourage him. He might have truly hurt a lady who cared about him. It could be your sister or your mother. It certainly is someone’s sister or mother.
OK, I’m sure that I left out a bunch of stuff. Ladies, can you add anything? The man you save may be your own.
:):):)
"...But believe me, this was a very big problem for me. It was one that drained me in all levels. But I couldn't possibly tell you about it. This is one of those problems that you would have to go through so that you can truly appreciate how it feels..."
Those are words spoken by someone who was quite unceremoniously dumped by a coward of a husband after an affair with a needy wench of a female. (Jeff Kirby and Colleen Lombardi for those not in the know). She’s right…you have no idea what it's like unless you’ve been through it. I hope you never have to experience the hideous heart wrenching feeling that comes along with such a betrayal. I happen to know exactly what she means.
I wonder how many people who read this blog 3 years ago when I started it have since experienced the same thing themselves? What an awful thing to have happen in your life. The betrayal is so incredibly painful that it takes years and years to get over…if ever. The worst part is that at the absolute worst moment of your life, you don’t have your best friend, your lover or your soul mate around to make anything better. It’s a stunning, aching pain that can be worse than cancer. There’s an obvious way out of cancer…but there’s nothing at all that you can do to make THIS pain go away.
And you don’t get too much help from anyone else. All you hear is “get over it” and to “get on with your life”. Oh! Isn’t that lovely? As though you hadn’t thought of that. DUH! That’s the point, my life was stolen. There’s no life to go back to. You have to build a new one as soon as you can find something to build a life around.
Nobody enjoys wallowing in the pain that won’t go away no matter what you do…it’s just that it consumes you and it takes a while to fight your way through the post dump shock.
In a way, this is sort of like working on a good relationship. Cheek Dude is a nice guy and he hasn’t done one wrong thing. But I don’t feel happy at all about it. I probably did that to myself so that I didn’t have to deal with anymore of that yucky feeling. I still talk to him and see him, I just have a grip now. If he did do something stupid, I probably would walk away and quickly. I don’t like the feelings that go with a new relationship anymore than I like the ones that went with The Betrayal.
Both feelings are quite distracting and there are things that I’d rather be accomplishing. I decided to set my priorities a bit differently…I dropped men down a couple of notch’s. Not that I won’t keep on playing with them, Lord knows they serve their purpose. I do enjoy them and their company. But as Roseanne once said, “I want a man in my life, not in my house.” Well, I don’t want one IN my life either…I just want them on certain nights of the week. Pool will be on Tuesdays and guys will be a weekend sort of thing.
During the day I’ll take care of business unfettered by concerns about men. As sweet as they are, they do seem to subtract more than they add. Maybe someday I’ll meet one who’ll change my mind…but I don’t think that’ll happen for a long time.
OK then…something more positive….uh…nothing comes to mind. See what I mean? These dudes are just clogging my brain. Men, if you’re out there, you should know that we DO think about this stuff, as much or more than you do. You like to make fun of the old ball and chain but my ankle is pretty scarred for no seemingly good reason. Women do have feelings and there’s a few of them that you should consider. Now, remember, you write me and say that you enjoy knowing how a woman feels, so just deal with this:
1. Women don’t make love without having feelings. We are just as likely to have a one night stand as you are, but all in all, we assume that there’s a commitment of some kind when a guy makes love to us. I know you don’t…but trust me, WE DO.
2. Yes, even a slight peek at a passing ass bothers us. We usually let those things go…but if we’re sitting right there in front of you, just look at us. You can go back on ass-alert later.
3. Every single one of us is different and different things annoy each of us. Don’t assume that there’s one set of rules for all of us. Something that drives most women nuts might not bother me one bit and I resent the implication that it does…even if made in jest.
4. We don’t judge you sexually based upon physical attributes or because you can “last” forever. Like the size of the ship, the length of the act is nothing; it all depends on that motion of the ocean stuff. If you don’t leave us in an orgasm deficit, we’ll call you “Good in Bed”.
5. Don’t assume that a woman had an orgasm simply because you did and she was nice enough to help you by moaning and saying nice things about you and your abilities. You could just ask.
6. Flowers are not an outmoded concept. Tell a joke and she smiles for a moment. Send her flowers and she’ll smile until they die. Even after they're dead, some of us will leave those fuckers up there, drooping and brown, just to smile some more.
7. If you start out being honest about EVERYTHING, you never have to get into the habit of lying “just to keep her happy”. Be honest up front and give her the chance to leave if she wants to. If she stays, you really have a good one who cares about YOU…not some guy you’ve pretended to be.
8. Don’t take advantage of an ex who still cares for you. Just go away and leave her alone. Every time you call or come by it’s like pulling the scab off again. God forbid you should sleep with her just because you can…that’s cruel.
9. No matter how busy you are, a quick email or phone call will brighten someone’s day. It costs you 30 seconds and it literally gives another person a lift they may sorely need.
10. If you hear another guy bragging about a “conquest”, don’t encourage him. He might have truly hurt a lady who cared about him. It could be your sister or your mother. It certainly is someone’s sister or mother.
OK, I’m sure that I left out a bunch of stuff. Ladies, can you add anything? The man you save may be your own.
:):):)
posted by Meg Kelso | 6:06 AM
4 Comments:
Meg, I could not agree with you more. When my X came home with hickies all over his neck (see, that way he would not have to tell me anything, I would see them and know what he had been up to) he did not try and hide it at all, it was like he was proud of himself. I was devestated! Just what an asshole thing for him to do. Yes, I stayed with him for about 17 more years after that and when we did seperate, it was me that walked out on him! But, I can honestly say...even to this very day, I forgave but I never forgot. It took me years and years to trust him again and I would love to say that he never cheated again, and I really don't think that he did but it is ALWAYS in the back of your head.
Yep...ALWAYS. That's why it's just best to leave a cheater ASAP.
yeah, you certainly understand.
I guess part of my pain stemmed from the fact that my feelings were not validated. It was as if I was made to feel stupid for giving one man "too much importance", and stupid because "you should get over it."
I was supposed to accept what happend right away, without any reaction and without question.
This had a lot more to do than to give "one man too much importance"
It had to do with missing your best friend in life, and coming home and not having anyone who really cares about you be there with you.
Instead, I was blamed for reacting - and then ONLY on a blog.
Can you believe that? Me being blamed because I blog??
Meanwhile, there are people who stalk and kill their cheating spouses, and I haven't done anything except blog.
You know....I sometimes wonder why adultery is not considered to be a crime. I think it's a crime in itself that adultery is not a crime! lol
Girl, if you had cleaned their toilet they'd use that against you. When someone is "protecting" someone else's behavior, you can't win. Just let them live their life and stay close enough to watch karma do it's magic.
Oh and Karin, your hickey story reminded me of one of my ex's hickeys. I wrote about it here:
http://diaryofmydivorce.blogspot.com/2006/08/good-morning-im-feeling-old.html
He had 4 excuses for the same damn hickey.
LOLOLOL...he was a hoot. But, when it came down to it, he WOULD tell the truth. Rick couldn't do that to save his own life.
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