You know...
...Cheek Dude is good. The thing that I was gonna do last night was break up with him. The reason that I was gonna do that is because I don't understand the rules of our relationship. Since I don't understand them, I don't feel like I have any right to expect anything. Since I don't have any right to expect anything, I can't let anything bother me. Since I can't let anything bother me, I have to shut my feelings down a bit. If you do that long enough, you can pretty much shut anyone out and keep yourself free from feeling any pain. Of course, the problem is that after you do that for a while, you don't feel anything at all. I did that to me and Cheek Dude so I figured that it was time to tell him and let him go have fun elsewhere.
When I started telling him that, I was quite ready to walk away. I was just sorry that I didn't have my car with me. I was wondering how I was going to deal with the ride home. I couldn't imagine anything that he could have said to change my mind at that point.
Then he spoke.
Damn it. He came up with the one thing that would get to me. He said, "Well, that's not very fair to me, is it?" Ugh.
No...it wasn't, was it?
I don't get this relationship crap but I'm trying to figure it out.
He started trying to talk about it more, but I think that was more for me than anything else. I said, "That's enough communication for one conversation. I can only handle it in small doses." So, we stopped talking.
:):):)
...Cheek Dude is good. The thing that I was gonna do last night was break up with him. The reason that I was gonna do that is because I don't understand the rules of our relationship. Since I don't understand them, I don't feel like I have any right to expect anything. Since I don't have any right to expect anything, I can't let anything bother me. Since I can't let anything bother me, I have to shut my feelings down a bit. If you do that long enough, you can pretty much shut anyone out and keep yourself free from feeling any pain. Of course, the problem is that after you do that for a while, you don't feel anything at all. I did that to me and Cheek Dude so I figured that it was time to tell him and let him go have fun elsewhere.
When I started telling him that, I was quite ready to walk away. I was just sorry that I didn't have my car with me. I was wondering how I was going to deal with the ride home. I couldn't imagine anything that he could have said to change my mind at that point.
Then he spoke.
Damn it. He came up with the one thing that would get to me. He said, "Well, that's not very fair to me, is it?" Ugh.
No...it wasn't, was it?
I don't get this relationship crap but I'm trying to figure it out.
He started trying to talk about it more, but I think that was more for me than anything else. I said, "That's enough communication for one conversation. I can only handle it in small doses." So, we stopped talking.
:):):)
posted by Meg Kelso | 9:32 AM
6 Comments:
ugh - why do I feel as if I'm reading my future biography?
It's all good, I left out the best part.
:)
oh no!! ...well, okay... so when's the weddin'?
Yeah...right. That's all I need.
:)
Hehee!
Why do I want to dance with glee? Is it the four smiles at the end?
Meg, I'm a communication junkie. Small doses, okay. But the more you get, the better things are, so make opportunities for small doses often, okay? (By the sounds of things you don't need this advice, I guess.)
I don't know anything much about Cheek Dude. But maybe you'll be happy! I wish it for you.
the angel Jean
:):):)
I'll try. But I think I'm almost as weirded out as Cheek Dude is when it comes to opening up.
I am NOT enjoying this!
Post a Comment
<< Home