Hi again...
...I felt the need to come back and end the morning with something a tad more upbeat for those who answered, "Because it's funny." when I asked why they read this blog. I thought that they could possibly be disappointed by my n-word bullshit. I'm so over it now that I had to do something much, much lighter.
It's a bitch that I'm over the n-word crap but I haven't yet gotten the, "You're a racist!" emails. That means that when I do get them, I'll have to defend a position that I no longer really care about. I can be a bit schizoid every so often. So, don't bother writing me to call me a racist, I've heard it before and if you think that I am, let me save you the trouble...go fuck yourself.
Anyway..what to talk about...what to talk about. I had something in my mind but I forgot what it was...let me think for a minute.
It had something to do with a blog that I read but I can't remember which one it was. Damn it. It was funny, whatever the hell it was. I may have to let it go. I've had to let jokes go before because I was the only person who found them funny. I can crack me up by using the term "monkey pox" in any sentence. But it never went over too well when I was doing stand up.
By the way, I never told you guys that I did a stand up routine a couple of weeks ago. Actually, it was exactly 2 weeks ago. I came up with some shit that I thought was funny. It didn't work as well as I had hoped. But, it was an audience full of comics and they're the hardest people to make laugh. So I didn't mind the fact that the chode-licking topic was a bit raw for them. It was still good because I had the whole routine memorized...I didn't have to use notes. A bunch of them did and I just don't get that.
It's not that I haven't done it myself...but I wrote on my hand...not on a piece of paper. Anyway, I got up there, did it and I did it all from memory. That's good enough for the first time that I've been on stage since before I found out about my cancer and Rick's girlfriend. After those two things happened, things in my life went topsy-turvy for a while.
Oh crap...I have to help my sister...BRB.
OK. I'm back. Now I have a sweet tooth. I think a big giant spoonful of crunchy peanut butter is in my immediate future.
AHA! I just went back on a blog journey to find the topic that I wanted to talk about when I started this thing and I found it! Imagine my disappointment when the idea no longer seemed funny to me. But what the hell, I'm here, you're here, I might as well just discuss it. It's not like it's monkey pox...it'll be funny to anyone who can relate. First of all, this is the post that I read:
http://jadedandopinionated.blogspot.com/2008/02/dear-people_06.html
It's about people who use drive up banking windows improperly...or at least...annoyingly.
Jaded has a valid point...I'll give her that. And I'll even own up to being one of the lane hoppers to whom she refers. But I have a bigger problem than drive up lane hoppers. I have a HUGE fricking problem with those nimrods who know that they can turn right on red...but for some reason, they think that left on green is a crime of massive proportions. They sit there like idiots, waiting for a green arrow to invite their stupid asses to turn left. Even if there is NO oncoming traffic and they could easily just turn left...they still sit here in their stupid SUV's with their blonde hair just blowing in the wind...too afraid to turn and too stupid to pull into the intersection so that when the light turns red they HAVE to turn left.
But no...they sit there and wait for that stupid green arrow. I wouldn't mind so much if I wasn't behind them screaming out the window, "Go you stupid broad!" I say that because it only seems to be women who are unaware of the laws regarding left turns on a green light. It IS legal, ladies. I am unaware of any jurisdiction that does not allow a person to turn left on green. Of course, you need to look for other cars before you do it...but unless you see something red...you are ALWAYS allowed to proceed.
Once you get the left on green idea through your thick skulls, then you can work on this one...if you pull out into the intersection while the light is green and wait to turn left, you may not get to turn left while the light is green. BUT...as soon as the light turns red...you MUST turn left. And if you creep far enough out there, then I'll creep up behind you and then we BOTH have to turn left. There is NOTHING illegal about that. I realize it is advanced driving...but if you think about it...you'll realize that I'm right.
Basically, when you're driving a car you should act as if you're going someplace because I'm behind you and I AM GOING SOMEPLACE!!!!
OK, now I need a pill.
OH! I found a website that actually does pay for every article that you write. You have to write stuff in the upper 25% of writers but I read some pretty good blogs out there and a bunch of you really do write well enough to rank up there. If you want to try, send me your email address and I'll send you the information that you need to enter in time for the latest project. Email me at megkelsobroderick@gmail.com if you're interested.
...I felt the need to come back and end the morning with something a tad more upbeat for those who answered, "Because it's funny." when I asked why they read this blog. I thought that they could possibly be disappointed by my n-word bullshit. I'm so over it now that I had to do something much, much lighter.
It's a bitch that I'm over the n-word crap but I haven't yet gotten the, "You're a racist!" emails. That means that when I do get them, I'll have to defend a position that I no longer really care about. I can be a bit schizoid every so often. So, don't bother writing me to call me a racist, I've heard it before and if you think that I am, let me save you the trouble...go fuck yourself.
Anyway..what to talk about...what to talk about. I had something in my mind but I forgot what it was...let me think for a minute.
It had something to do with a blog that I read but I can't remember which one it was. Damn it. It was funny, whatever the hell it was. I may have to let it go. I've had to let jokes go before because I was the only person who found them funny. I can crack me up by using the term "monkey pox" in any sentence. But it never went over too well when I was doing stand up.
By the way, I never told you guys that I did a stand up routine a couple of weeks ago. Actually, it was exactly 2 weeks ago. I came up with some shit that I thought was funny. It didn't work as well as I had hoped. But, it was an audience full of comics and they're the hardest people to make laugh. So I didn't mind the fact that the chode-licking topic was a bit raw for them. It was still good because I had the whole routine memorized...I didn't have to use notes. A bunch of them did and I just don't get that.
It's not that I haven't done it myself...but I wrote on my hand...not on a piece of paper. Anyway, I got up there, did it and I did it all from memory. That's good enough for the first time that I've been on stage since before I found out about my cancer and Rick's girlfriend. After those two things happened, things in my life went topsy-turvy for a while.
Oh crap...I have to help my sister...BRB.
OK. I'm back. Now I have a sweet tooth. I think a big giant spoonful of crunchy peanut butter is in my immediate future.
AHA! I just went back on a blog journey to find the topic that I wanted to talk about when I started this thing and I found it! Imagine my disappointment when the idea no longer seemed funny to me. But what the hell, I'm here, you're here, I might as well just discuss it. It's not like it's monkey pox...it'll be funny to anyone who can relate. First of all, this is the post that I read:
http://jadedandopinionated.blogspot.com/2008/02/dear-people_06.html
It's about people who use drive up banking windows improperly...or at least...annoyingly.
Jaded has a valid point...I'll give her that. And I'll even own up to being one of the lane hoppers to whom she refers. But I have a bigger problem than drive up lane hoppers. I have a HUGE fricking problem with those nimrods who know that they can turn right on red...but for some reason, they think that left on green is a crime of massive proportions. They sit there like idiots, waiting for a green arrow to invite their stupid asses to turn left. Even if there is NO oncoming traffic and they could easily just turn left...they still sit here in their stupid SUV's with their blonde hair just blowing in the wind...too afraid to turn and too stupid to pull into the intersection so that when the light turns red they HAVE to turn left.
But no...they sit there and wait for that stupid green arrow. I wouldn't mind so much if I wasn't behind them screaming out the window, "Go you stupid broad!" I say that because it only seems to be women who are unaware of the laws regarding left turns on a green light. It IS legal, ladies. I am unaware of any jurisdiction that does not allow a person to turn left on green. Of course, you need to look for other cars before you do it...but unless you see something red...you are ALWAYS allowed to proceed.
Once you get the left on green idea through your thick skulls, then you can work on this one...if you pull out into the intersection while the light is green and wait to turn left, you may not get to turn left while the light is green. BUT...as soon as the light turns red...you MUST turn left. And if you creep far enough out there, then I'll creep up behind you and then we BOTH have to turn left. There is NOTHING illegal about that. I realize it is advanced driving...but if you think about it...you'll realize that I'm right.
Basically, when you're driving a car you should act as if you're going someplace because I'm behind you and I AM GOING SOMEPLACE!!!!
OK, now I need a pill.
OH! I found a website that actually does pay for every article that you write. You have to write stuff in the upper 25% of writers but I read some pretty good blogs out there and a bunch of you really do write well enough to rank up there. If you want to try, send me your email address and I'll send you the information that you need to enter in time for the latest project. Email me at megkelsobroderick@gmail.com if you're interested.
posted by Meg Kelso | 9:22 AM
8 Comments:
Careful making those left turns. My neighbor did it recently. But coming the other way was a young lady that knew someone would be doing that, so thought they could go straight through the red light, since other cars would be going through it after her and she wouldn't get a ticket. And she did it at high speed. She totaled my neighbors large sedan.
LOLOLOL...that's why I said:
Of course, you need to look for other cars before you do it...
The operative word in your comment is "she". Sorry ladies...I don't make this crap up...I just make observations.
:)
I did like that post on jaded about the drive thru banking (even thought I've never experienced it). You've just reminded me I was going to do a similar one on petrol stations. One day! lol.
I readed Jaded's blog a couple of days ago, and I thought it was fair enough, and I still do.
You? A queue jumper? and the rest..
It freaked me out a lot more than the bright yellow mat.
Oh, and about Jaded's post? Sorry to disagree, but the lines at the drive-through work the same as in the bank: one line leading up to a point where the next person goes to which ever window opens up first. Its not like the grocery checkout where you have to pick a line. I learned how to design them this way in my MBA program, FWIW (we engineers love this queue design stuff!) . I agree with her other observations, though.
:):):)
Hi John, we are from the same plannet. No,no, absolutely not Mars.
Well hot damn...I'm the topic of conversation on someone else's blog - who knew?!
I've responded to John's comment on my blog, in the comments section. I'll spare those who didn't care in the first place.
Post a Comment
<< Home