Ahhh...

...it's been a very pleasant, very quiet Sunday. I think my dad needed today to relax. He still has to do a few more tasks related to everything that's happened but most of them couldn't be done Sunday so he had a chance to relax somewhat. Yesterday ended a bunch of the pressure so now he just has some minor details to take care of.

But first, tomorrow morning I'm taking him to Town and Country Hospital in Tampa to file a complaint on the nurse that "took care" of Jean the day she died. He had a hideous experience while Jean was dying and those poor excuses for nurses made her death as tough on my father as they could have.

My dad noticed that the tube up Jean's nose was pulling her nose to the side. He asked the nurse if she could tape the tubing in a way that it didn't pull on her nose. The nurse wouldn't do it. I can tell you that it was NOT an unreasonable request. When the patient is dying, our responsibility literally covers the loved ones of the dying patient. We absolutely are taught to care for them as a HUGE part of the dying process. If the patient has less to worry about because you have handled the family with respect and you've gained their confidence...you've done your job properly. Also, it should go without saying that we shouldn't make matters worse when people are dealing with some of the most emotionally wrenching days of their lives.

Well, my father persisted in attempting to get Jean's tube taped properly. The nurse finally said to him, "Listen, it's not hurting her and she's brain dead anyway." (If that was her reasoning, what harm would the tape have done?)

My father responded, "How do you know it's not hurting her and what if she just heard you?" We're taught to ALWAYS assume that the patient CAN hear what you say. You always remove the loved one from the room to make such comments...if they NEED to be made. This one didn't need to be made...much less over Jean in her hospital bed.

At this point, my father demanded another nurse. It just so happens that I had already told him that he should assume that she CAN hear him...that nurses do. How the hell does anyone know for sure? You ABSOLUTELY assume they CAN hear you...period. It's Nursing 101. Anyway, he got Jean a different nurse. But it didn't stop the indignities. At some point in the dying process, all there is to do is care for the dignity of the patient and the loved ones.

Another thing that we do when a patient dies is remove all signs of treatments. We remove the catheter, IV access, NG tubes, trach tubes, tape and dressings (unless the dressing covers a bad sore, then I at least put a simple clean dressing on)...I even take off the arm bands. Then I make sure the sheets are clean and that the patient is clean as well. I comb hair, wash faces, change gowns and cover respectfully in a clean hospital bed so that when the family sees their loved one for the last time, it's as pleasant as it can be under the circumstances.

Jean was hooked up to monitors as she was in the ICU. My dad noticed that her blood pressure just had 2 X's and he called the nurse who had just taken Jean as her patient. THAT nurse was downstairs eating lunch so the first nurse laughed because she thought it was funny that my father had gotten her kicked out of the room and now he needed someone who wasn't there. She got quite a kick out of that.

The thing he wanted to know is...what do the 2 X's mean? When he finally got a nurse in there, she felt for a pulse and said, "It means she's dead." Then she walked out of the room. My father sat there waiting for someone to remove things from her body. I didn't tell him to expect that...he just naturally expected it. He wanted to say good-bye to her without the tubes in her mouth and her nose...not to mention the catheter and the IV lines. They left her there on dirty sheets with a dirty pillow case and a dirty face that should have been cleaned in the first place. My dad was afraid to clean it himself because of all the tubes going into her face. He kept asking people to come in and take the tubes out of her face. He told me that he wanted to kiss her one last time but he couldn't because of the tubes.

Anyway, he waited for a couple of hours and he couldn't get anyone to take the stuff out or off so he just left. Oh...how I wished he had called me. I would have told him what EVERYONE should do when faced with an insane nurse...pick up the phone and ask the hospital operator for the house supervisor. Nothing less is acceptable...there is always a house supervisor and her job is to make the patients happy. But, he didn't call me so I couldn't help him at that moment.

Can you imagine what he went through? And this is how he will remember his wife for the rest of HIS life. I wish you could sue someone for such gross dereliction of duty. The smart ass comments and the laughter when he NEEDED someone. (Jean was dead and he needed someone to come in and tell him what was wrong. He couldn't tell because the ventilator was on and it looked like she was breathing and he just didn't know what the changes on the monitor meant. Don't forget...those nurses can see the monitors in the nurses station. They knew she was dead and no one was in a hurry to help the annoying old man who had just lost his life partner.)

Some people should be nurses and some should clean offices at night when no people are around for them to be cruel to. Too bad you can't sue a nurse for being a total ass and for leaving a dead woman lying in filth and full of tubes for hours. But, you can see to it that she doesn't do it to any other patients and I'm going to do just that...first thing in the morning.

:)