That Obama guy is a smooth talker, isn't he?

Obama says,

"I've now been in 57 states -- I think one left to go."

Which one is that? Guam?

"In case you missed it, this week, there was a tragedy in Kansas. Ten thousand people died -- an entire town destroyed."

He was only off by 9,988.

"I had a uncle who was one of the, who was part of the first American troops to go into Auschwitz and liberate the concentration camps,"

LOLOLOLOL...The WASHINGTON POST published that comment. How many idiots had to clear it before it was put into print?

"The point I was making was not that Grandmother harbors any racial animosity. She doesn't. But she is a typical white person..."

Yeah dude, I know the stereotype.

"...That’s silly talk… Talk to my wife. She’ll tell me I need to learn to just put my socks on the hamper..."

Do you have any plans for your next trick? How long have you been working on this one?

"...Iran, Cuba, Venezuela—these countries are tiny compared to the Soviet Union. They don’t pose a serious threat to us the way the Soviet Union posed a threat to us. And yet we were willing to talk to the Soviet Union at the time when they were saying, ‘We’re going to wipe you off the planet...”

That's the problem with the young people. They don't remember the Cuban Missile Crisis. And perhaps he wasn't there the day they discussed The Cold War in school.

“In our age there is no such thing as ‘keeping out of politics.’ All issues are political issues, and politics itself is a mass of lies, evasions, folly, hatred, and schizophrenia.”

Well all I have to say to that is YIKES!

"Hillary wants to mandate universal health care coverage but she is not garnishing peoples' wages to make sure they have it!"

Oh goody. Maybe Obama can garnish my wages to pay for therapy. After all:

"...You go into these small towns in Pennsylvania and, like a lot of small towns in the Midwest, the jobs have been gone now for 25 years and nothing’s replaced them. And they fell through the Clinton administration, and the Bush administration, and each successive administration has said that somehow these communities are going to regenerate and they have not..."

Yeah, I bet he's right about the administration that succeeds Bush. I'm glad to hear they put Pennsylvania back.

"...We have real enemies in the world. These enemies must be found. They must be pursued and they must be defeated..."

Well, I'm inspired, where do I sign up to fight for that General? I like the way he thinks.

"...On this Memorial Day, as our nation honors its unbroken line of fallen heroes -- and I see many of them in the audience here today -- our sense of patriotism is particularly strong..."

Maybe the they just want you to help them. I would think that you could use the votes.

“And of course they’re bitter. Of course they’re frustrated,” Obama told supporters. “You would be too — in fact many of you are, because the same thing has happened here in Indiana. … Nobody is thinking about you...it’s not surprising then they get bitter, they cling to guns or religion or antipathy to people who aren’t like them or anti-immigrant sentiment or anti-trade sentiment as a way to explain their frustrations...”

Don't hold back Obie...tell us what you really think of us. Antipathy to those not like them? Is that...racism? Did Obama just call me racist?

"...If you’re walking down the right path and you’re willing to keep walking, eventually you’ll make progress..."

Then why have I been walking in a straight line for an hour and yet I'm still at the same spot from which I began. I guess "I'll just keep walking".

"We cannot solve the problems of America if every time somebody somewhere says something stupid that we all get up in arms and we forget about the war in Iraq or we forget about the economy. ... I don't want that kind of politics. I want the kind of politics that gets stuff done."

Excuse me...WTF!?!?!

"Pot had helped, and booze; maybe a little blow when you could afford it. Not smack, though,"

Hell no...smack is whack.

"...I cannot swallow whole the view of Lincoln as the Great Emancipator..."

Sure you can, kick it back with a shot of bourbon and a doobie.

"...I've got two daughters. 9 years old and 6 years old. I am going to teach them first of all about values and morals. But if they make a mistake, I don't want them punished with a baby..."

I was "punished" with three children. I'm just not quite sure what I did to deserve them. Ooh, what did YOU do to deserve YOUR kids? Enquiring minds want to know.

"...Huh. It works. It makes sense."

Huh. Uh uh (she said as she shook her head from left to right to signal, "NOOOOO! It doesn't. It really, really doesn't.)

"...This budget tells our veterans that if they want increased funding for the VA they’ll have to pay for it themselves..."

For some reason, that comment made me laugh out loud. I can't even verbalize why. It just did.

"...Issues are never simple. One thing I'm proud of is that very rarely will you hear me simplify the issues..."

Oh no...God forbid.

"John Kerry believes in an America where hard work is rewarded."

That BASTARD!

"Come on! I just answered, like, eight questions."

I think you were like, serious about the John Kerry comment.

"...My pastor did say, my former pastor, said some very objectionable things when I was not in church on those particular days..."

But what I respectfully query...DO YOU BELIEVE THAT THE UNITED STATES ACTUALLY INFECTED THE AFRICAN AMERICAN COMMUNITY with HIV??? Sir? I don't HEAR you!!!!!

"My parents...would give me an African name, Barack, or blessed, believing that in a tolerant America your name is no barrier to success."

Maybe they were pulling a Johnny Cash, Barrack Hussein.

"...The fact that my 15 minutes of fame has extended a little longer than 15 minutes is somewhat surprising to me and completely baffling to my wife..."

Uh...where do I begin?

"..We need to internalize this idea of excellence. Not many folks spend a lot of time trying to be excellent..."

And life is like a box of chocolates.

"...We worship an awesome God in the Blue States, and we don't like federal agents poking around our libraries in the Red States. We coach Little League in the Blue States and have gay friends in the Red States..."

BWAHAHAHAHA!!!

"...When we think of the major threats to our national security, the first to come to mind are nuclear proliferation, rogue states and global terrorism. But another kind of threat lurks beyond our shores, one from nature, not humans - an avian flu pandemic..."

I have to give it to him, nukes, Iran and terrorism DO come to mind when I think of threats.

"...You know, my faith is one that admits some doubt..."

Not mine. You duuuuumb, ain't NOOOOO doubt.

“When people tell me they’ve all stressed about racial discord, well, you know, try slavery for a while.”

Tell us more slave dude!

“...I would like somebody who knows about a bunch of stuff that I’m not as expert on..."

Me too. They call those guys presidents.

When Senator Clinton brags ‘I’ve met leaders from eighty countries’–I know what those trips are like! I’ve been on them. You go from the airport to the embassy. There’s a group of children who do a native dance.

Did they have bones in their noses?

“...I traveled to Pakistan when I was in college–I knew what Sunni and Shia was [sic] before I joined the Senate Foreign relations committee..."

Did you take a course in economics too? I sure as hell hope so.

"...one of the obvious high priorities in my talks with President Hugo Chavez would be the fermentation of anti-American sentiment in Latin America..."

Salud!

And finally, one last Obama-ism:

"Why can't I just eat my waffle?"

I want you to know that I avoided the temptation of tagging this post with a list of stupid things Barrack Obama says, gaffes and other ramblings of a Presidential candidate.

Additional quotes that I found at TheFreeRepublic.com...

"I'm putting you on notice. I'm very sensitive to jokes about my ears."

Great...now the Chinese know his button.

“Hold on a second, Sweetie.”

I will snookie ookums!

"...We cant keep our homes on 72 at all times & just expect that other countries are going to say OK..."

Can we stay up late on school nights? Check with Zimbabwe and get back to me.

"I just don't want to be involved in a political stunt,"

Now he tells me.