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Hi. I'm trying to think of another description to put here. Any ideas? I'll try again at 420.

Sunday, May 25, 2008

doggybloggy said...

"I am a long second toe freak and I have buddha ear lobes....top that!"

I have a basic knowledge of what Buddha looks like but I'm not all that learned in his specific attributes. Add that to the fact that I yearn to know thatI am not the only freak of nature in the world and I find myself sitting here on Sunday morning searching the internet for buddha ear lobes. I found this picture:


Doggy doesn't sound like a person who would do that to himself by wearing 4 pound earrings so I have to assume that he was born like that. AND with the long second toe. Yeah, that might be pretty good dude, but I'm sure that I can top it. Remember, the jury is still out on my coochie.

First of all, before I had braces, I had fangs. You know, they say that one birth defect is usually accompanied by others so anyone with a long second toe had better start searching for the other freak stuff that they most assuredly have somewhere on their bodies.

I can't show you but trust me, I have a dimple on my ass. I didn't even know about it until I was 25 because I had never really gotten a good look at my ass so I had never seen the dimple. But one morning my mother asked me the question that sent me reeling and rocked my entire world.

"Margaret, do you still have that dimple on your ass?"

At first I harrumphed the harrumph of a cocky young woman and asked, "What the heck are you talking about?"

My mother then went on to tell me that when I was a baby, I had a dimple on my ass. She just wanted to know if it had even gone away. I slowly began to wonder, "Do I have a dimple on my ass?"

Eventually I had my ass checked and found out that I did, indeed, have a dimple on my ass. Life has never been the same.

I was already aware of the long second toe problem because teenaged girls will scour each other for ammunition to use in their never ending battle to give each other eating disorders. By the time I was 25, my toe disorder had been made painfully apparent. I really didn't need the ass dimple thing on top of it.

On top of THAT...my brother walked in on me taking a shower once when I was 16 and laughed, chanting, "Silver dollar nipples, silver dollar nipples..." It was devastating. I can hear that asshole today as though he were standing right here, taunting me and my nipples. So, we have the long second toe, the fangs, the ass dimple and the silver dollar nipples. What are the chances of my coochie being normal?

Not bloody likely.

Let's see...we have my long, long, skinny legs. That doesn't sound too bad until you see me naked and 9 months pregnant. I looked like a 5 foot 8 inch tall water tower.

Oh, and I am seriously double jointed. I can put both of my ankles behind my neck. I don't do that much anymore because I got stuck like that once. I caught a laughing jig that I couldn't stop so that hindered my efforts quite a bit. Obviously, I did eventually get my long skinny legs down from behind my neck...but it was one helluva scare.

There's that wild hair up my nose. I know it should be up my ass but it isn't...it's in my left nostril. About once a month it reaches the other side of my nostril and tickles the hell out of it. It drives me absoluely INSANE!!!! And it almost never happens when I'm at home. On the rare occasion that it does, I can't find any tweezers. So, most months, you can find me at the grocery store, at the bank or even just out in my car with two fingers up my left nostril attempting to pull that damned wild hair out of my head for another month.

Those are just my deformities that I came up with off the top of my head. If I sat here and gave it a lot of thought I'm sure I could fill a book with freaky things about my person. So doggy...the ball is in your court. Can you top a long second toed, long skinny legged, dimpled assed, silver nippled, wild hair with fingers up the nose, double jointed water tower chick with fangs?

I think not.

2 Comments:

Blogger doggybloggy said...

mye eyes are freaks...I have some kind of 'freckle' below the iris that makes it look like a cats eye instead of the normal dot that most people have...so long second toe, buddha lobes and cat eyes...and one ear is different than the other..yup I have two different ears!

silver dollar nipples are not bad...saucer nipples with out melon boobs for balance... now that would be something...sounds like your coochie might be picture perfect...if you want an honest and professional opinion I am your man.

May 25, 2008  
Blogger Meg said...

LOLOLOL...rarely does one crack me up when I am alone in my home but you sir, have done so.

I maintain that I am more of a physical oddity than are you and anytime you'd like to come over and look, I will prove it to you. We'll sit at my kitchen table swilling booze and comparing freak stuff ala Jaws.

:)

May 25, 2008  

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