Uh oh...

...I just reread the post about my freak toe. The more I think about it the worse I feel. I guess I know why Rick left. I've been in denial about the whole toe thing for my entire life and I think it's time for me to face the problem head on instead of wearing footies and hoping that nobody saw that I am, in fact, a long second toe freak.

I think the rest of me is pretty normal, except for the thing growing in my brain. But luckily, although that will eventually kill me if I'm not hit by a truck first...no one can see it. And that IS what people worry about, isn't it? The most attractive female in the world can commit atrocious acts and get away with them...unscathed by society's vengeful wrath. Just look at Angelina Jolie. She's 100% pure white trash yet she's treated like royalty wherever she goes. If she looked this:

...no one would care if she was knocked up more times than Kelly Ripa, Britney Spears and my redneck cousin combined.

I know something that none of you know. And it's a huge, huge secret. It's a secret about Angelina Jolie. You guys are the first to read about it because I am the very first person in the world to report it (I can only speak for MY world). I have a wicked cool scoop about Ms. Jolie and if I'm not mistaken, this will FREAK OUT the minds of MILLIONS!!!

EXTRA...EXTRA

READ ALL ABOUT IT!!!

It seems as thought the curvaceous star has been protecting a deep, dark secret. Living with the shame of the odious truth has been quite grueling and has taken it's toll on the middle aged starlet, according to sources close to Jolie.

"She hid it from Brad for as long as she could but while she was in labor with her last child, she temporarily let her guard down and Brad saw what she had worked so desperately to hide from him." Interviewed on the condition of strict anonymity, a friend of the couples' told us that, "Brad has gotten over the initial shock of Angelina's deception and is learning to deal with her 'condition'...he's such a swell guy."

Calls to the couple's homes in 42 countries all went unanswered. The couples' publicist released this short but terse press release, "Angelina is the one who has had to live with this secret, she should be the one to discuss it now. This office will therefore have no further comment." Ms. Jolie's doctor refused to return phone calls as well.

The couple have tried desperately to keep any evidence of Ms. Jolie's condition secret but recently a web site published pictures that make it difficult for the Jolie-Pitts to continue in their efforts.

So, here is the picture that confirms the fact that Angelina is, in fact, a LONG SECOND TOE FREAK!!!!