Damn it...
...I'm still awake! I can't fall asleep when I'm not tired and I'm just not tired so I'm here. I knew that staying up so late last night would mess me up. I should never have done that, my sleep habits are bad enough.
Sleeping is like eating, I'll do it when I feel like doing it. In the meantime, I can try all I want to but I just can't sleep if I'm not tired anymore than I can eat when I'm not hungry. I considered going to the store for a bottle of wine but that's a lot of trouble to go to so I guess I'll just go back to staring at the ceiling.
A guy that I've only been out with once called earlier today and during our conversation, he said that "after we get to know each other better" we should consider moving in together. He said he usually spends his weeks out of town on work so I'd never see him. Yeah...right. I'm not giving up my alimony over any guy and I'm not making the mistake of bringing someone into my house. People tend to get comfortable and it gets hard to get them to leave when you don't want them around. His suggestion was so non-committal and not very serious but that's a mighty serious thing to me.
You know, I wouldn't even want to commit to seeing someone every weekend. As soon as you DO give up freedom for someone else, they begin to expect you to give it up all the time and one day you might want your freedom back. You might only want it long enough to do something for a day but if you've already given it up, it's hard to get it back.
That's why I don't like to see or speak to anyone on a daily basis. As soon as you want them to leave you alone for a day or two, they think you're taking a step backwards and they start to wonder what's wrong. There doesn't have to be anything wrong at all, I could just want to visit my father or my daughter for a few days. But if I've started seeing someone too often, that trip would be a sign of a problem. The problem with that is that I wouldn't even want to bother explaining that to anyone.
That's another thing that I can't stand, having to explain myself. The people who deserve an explanation shouldn't need it and the people who need one don't deserve it. So, if I find myself trying to justify something that I've done, I get annoyed at the person that I'm talking to and at myself. Don't you hate that? How old does a person need to be before they can just do what they want to do without anyone questioning them? I couldn't tell you, I haven't reached that age yet.
OMG! It just occurred to me that my sister will need a ride to work in the morning! Damn, damn, damn...she'll be calling me in a few hours so I have to go back to bed. YIKES!!!
That's OK, I'll go to bed in a minute. I still haven't figured out that Internet race thingie so I don't even know what to ask you to do. If you guys keep on giving me more power that should be fine. Whatever you guys are doing is keeping me in a decent position although unless you guys all multiplied like those little Gremlin dudes and then got your own keyboards, I may not win anything. You know, I don't even KNOW anyone who's ever won anything really good. And it's not like I haven't tried!
I went to NYC for a day to try out for Who Wants to be a Millionaire but that sucked. I went to The Price is Right in October and they didn't think that me and my homemade shirt were worthy of putting us up on stage with Drew Carey. I haven't bought lottery tickets in a while so I can't bitch about that.
Oh, the Supreme Court struck down a ruling that I didn't know existed. They made it impossible for a state to execute someone who raped a very young child. I didn't even know that was an option. Out of curiosity, what do you guys think?
...I'm still awake! I can't fall asleep when I'm not tired and I'm just not tired so I'm here. I knew that staying up so late last night would mess me up. I should never have done that, my sleep habits are bad enough.
Sleeping is like eating, I'll do it when I feel like doing it. In the meantime, I can try all I want to but I just can't sleep if I'm not tired anymore than I can eat when I'm not hungry. I considered going to the store for a bottle of wine but that's a lot of trouble to go to so I guess I'll just go back to staring at the ceiling.
A guy that I've only been out with once called earlier today and during our conversation, he said that "after we get to know each other better" we should consider moving in together. He said he usually spends his weeks out of town on work so I'd never see him. Yeah...right. I'm not giving up my alimony over any guy and I'm not making the mistake of bringing someone into my house. People tend to get comfortable and it gets hard to get them to leave when you don't want them around. His suggestion was so non-committal and not very serious but that's a mighty serious thing to me.
You know, I wouldn't even want to commit to seeing someone every weekend. As soon as you DO give up freedom for someone else, they begin to expect you to give it up all the time and one day you might want your freedom back. You might only want it long enough to do something for a day but if you've already given it up, it's hard to get it back.
That's why I don't like to see or speak to anyone on a daily basis. As soon as you want them to leave you alone for a day or two, they think you're taking a step backwards and they start to wonder what's wrong. There doesn't have to be anything wrong at all, I could just want to visit my father or my daughter for a few days. But if I've started seeing someone too often, that trip would be a sign of a problem. The problem with that is that I wouldn't even want to bother explaining that to anyone.
That's another thing that I can't stand, having to explain myself. The people who deserve an explanation shouldn't need it and the people who need one don't deserve it. So, if I find myself trying to justify something that I've done, I get annoyed at the person that I'm talking to and at myself. Don't you hate that? How old does a person need to be before they can just do what they want to do without anyone questioning them? I couldn't tell you, I haven't reached that age yet.
OMG! It just occurred to me that my sister will need a ride to work in the morning! Damn, damn, damn...she'll be calling me in a few hours so I have to go back to bed. YIKES!!!
That's OK, I'll go to bed in a minute. I still haven't figured out that Internet race thingie so I don't even know what to ask you to do. If you guys keep on giving me more power that should be fine. Whatever you guys are doing is keeping me in a decent position although unless you guys all multiplied like those little Gremlin dudes and then got your own keyboards, I may not win anything. You know, I don't even KNOW anyone who's ever won anything really good. And it's not like I haven't tried!
I went to NYC for a day to try out for Who Wants to be a Millionaire but that sucked. I went to The Price is Right in October and they didn't think that me and my homemade shirt were worthy of putting us up on stage with Drew Carey. I haven't bought lottery tickets in a while so I can't bitch about that.
Oh, the Supreme Court struck down a ruling that I didn't know existed. They made it impossible for a state to execute someone who raped a very young child. I didn't even know that was an option. Out of curiosity, what do you guys think?
posted by Meg Kelso | 9:55 PM
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