The other night...
...I heard something scratching on the side of my house. I was in my bed and the sound was coming from immediately outside my window. The house was dark and it was well after midnight. The sound stopped as quickly as it began but in a minute or so, it started up again. Whatever was outside my bedroom window was apparently big enough to make noise when it moved and it was stopping and going....slowly.
I have a dresser up against that wall and the mirror blocks most of the window. The dresser is to the left of my bed. I sleep on the left side of the bed and the window was maybe 4 feet away from me. I don't know how far the creature was from the window, but from the sound of things, it was pretty fricking close. And I had gone to bed for the night...in my jammies.
Except for when I'm in the shower, I am never more vulnerable than I am when lying in my bed at 3 AM. Of course, I had my 115 pound dog in the room, but he didn't seem to mind the sound of something sneaking around my bedroom window. That nit wit usually barks at anything, even TV dogs. I whispered my normally stern warning call, "WHO'S THAT?" He was not impressed. It was beginning to look like I was on my own this time.
With all of the Bigfoot crap on the news, apparently Bigfoot is somewhere in Georgia right now, I was a bit apprehensive. I rode out the first few sounds from underneath my blanket. I figured it would have to go away sooner or later. Oh, how I wish I had thrown a small pillow at that window. But, eventually I had to know what was out there.
After all, what the hell COULD it be? I doubt that it was Bigfoot and I'm not afraid of deer, possums, squirrels or any of the other wildlife around here. And I WAS still in my house...all I had to do was get up and peek out the window. I looked up at the window and JUST as I was thinking to myself, "Nothing could get in anyway.", I noticed that the window was open. It was only about 3 inches open, but it was open nonetheless.
It occurred to me that the worst case scenario was a bear that came in from the battlefield. Oh, how I wish it had been a bear. If it was a bear, I would have time to close the window and get back in bed if I jumped out of bed really fast. And looking back, that would have been a good plan. But that's not what I did.
I'm a curious bitch, I am. I love wildlife. Maybe it was a wounded animal! Maybe there was something that I could do to help! "Oh, MEG! Get off out of your bed and help that poor creature!", I said to myself. And, since I'm often right, I decided to get up slowly so I didn't scare the poor thing away. I tip-toed around the dresser over to the side of the window that was open. (My windows open from the side, the right side of the window was open) I walked a bit closer to the window and put my right hand to my forehead as I went to peer out the window into the darkness. Suddenly I realized that I was about an inch away from a 9 inch rat walking along the outside window sill. It was heading toward the opening in my window.
My instinct was to slam the window shut and bang it with the remote that I happened to have in my left hand. Then, I jumped back into bed after seeing the rat stumble over the edge of the sill he was walking on. Or she. Whatever. Gender so doesn't matter.
Now what?
Who do you have to screw to get rid of rats?
I would recreate the scene for you but I couldn't find life-size rat suits on the intenet. Only Bigfoot suits...like the frozen one here in Georgia:
http://thehorrordome.com/HDSHOPPINGPROPS/SasquatchLARGE.htm
The Bigfoot costume freezing dudes want Megyn Kelly from Fox News to come visit the "corpse" they have in their freezer. I'll drive over this afternoon guys, no muss, no fuss. I'll take one look and let the world know with 99.9% accuracy, whether or not you have a Bigfoot costume in your freezer or not.
Hey Megyn, if I catch the rat and freeze it, will you send O'Reilly over here? (I would have asked for a good looking guy but I AM 50 years old. Besides, I would just close my eyes and pretend Bill was still as cute as he was 30 years ago.)
...I heard something scratching on the side of my house. I was in my bed and the sound was coming from immediately outside my window. The house was dark and it was well after midnight. The sound stopped as quickly as it began but in a minute or so, it started up again. Whatever was outside my bedroom window was apparently big enough to make noise when it moved and it was stopping and going....slowly.
I have a dresser up against that wall and the mirror blocks most of the window. The dresser is to the left of my bed. I sleep on the left side of the bed and the window was maybe 4 feet away from me. I don't know how far the creature was from the window, but from the sound of things, it was pretty fricking close. And I had gone to bed for the night...in my jammies.
Except for when I'm in the shower, I am never more vulnerable than I am when lying in my bed at 3 AM. Of course, I had my 115 pound dog in the room, but he didn't seem to mind the sound of something sneaking around my bedroom window. That nit wit usually barks at anything, even TV dogs. I whispered my normally stern warning call, "WHO'S THAT?" He was not impressed. It was beginning to look like I was on my own this time.
With all of the Bigfoot crap on the news, apparently Bigfoot is somewhere in Georgia right now, I was a bit apprehensive. I rode out the first few sounds from underneath my blanket. I figured it would have to go away sooner or later. Oh, how I wish I had thrown a small pillow at that window. But, eventually I had to know what was out there.
After all, what the hell COULD it be? I doubt that it was Bigfoot and I'm not afraid of deer, possums, squirrels or any of the other wildlife around here. And I WAS still in my house...all I had to do was get up and peek out the window. I looked up at the window and JUST as I was thinking to myself, "Nothing could get in anyway.", I noticed that the window was open. It was only about 3 inches open, but it was open nonetheless.
It occurred to me that the worst case scenario was a bear that came in from the battlefield. Oh, how I wish it had been a bear. If it was a bear, I would have time to close the window and get back in bed if I jumped out of bed really fast. And looking back, that would have been a good plan. But that's not what I did.
I'm a curious bitch, I am. I love wildlife. Maybe it was a wounded animal! Maybe there was something that I could do to help! "Oh, MEG! Get off out of your bed and help that poor creature!", I said to myself. And, since I'm often right, I decided to get up slowly so I didn't scare the poor thing away. I tip-toed around the dresser over to the side of the window that was open. (My windows open from the side, the right side of the window was open) I walked a bit closer to the window and put my right hand to my forehead as I went to peer out the window into the darkness. Suddenly I realized that I was about an inch away from a 9 inch rat walking along the outside window sill. It was heading toward the opening in my window.
My instinct was to slam the window shut and bang it with the remote that I happened to have in my left hand. Then, I jumped back into bed after seeing the rat stumble over the edge of the sill he was walking on. Or she. Whatever. Gender so doesn't matter.
Now what?
Who do you have to screw to get rid of rats?
I would recreate the scene for you but I couldn't find life-size rat suits on the intenet. Only Bigfoot suits...like the frozen one here in Georgia:
http://thehorrordome.com/HDSHOPPINGPROPS/SasquatchLARGE.htm
The Bigfoot costume freezing dudes want Megyn Kelly from Fox News to come visit the "corpse" they have in their freezer. I'll drive over this afternoon guys, no muss, no fuss. I'll take one look and let the world know with 99.9% accuracy, whether or not you have a Bigfoot costume in your freezer or not.
Hey Megyn, if I catch the rat and freeze it, will you send O'Reilly over here? (I would have asked for a good looking guy but I AM 50 years old. Besides, I would just close my eyes and pretend Bill was still as cute as he was 30 years ago.)
posted by Meg Kelso | 5:58 AM
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