So guys...do you like THIS rack?

That is a set of fake boobs that I found on an Sous Gal 's blog. Now…are you guys sure that THESE are the boobs that you don’t like? I have to be sure that we mean the same thing when we say “fake boobs”.

OK…I’ll await your confirmation.

I’ve asked the question many times and usually hear something along this line…"I don’t like fake boobs at all. I prefer real boobs.” I have a tough time swallowing that one. I bet if I told them that I DID have falsies, they’d say they love THOSE. I think I’ll try that some time.

Personally, I think they look sort of painful. I have a tough enough time sleeping on my stomach already…I doubt that those implants would shift as easily as the real ones do. Oh, I just thought of something else…I’d be afraid that if I slept on my belly the boobs would flatten. As a matter of fact…what keeps them from doing that? DO they flatten? Do women just stop sleeping on their bellies after they get these monsters?

Oh well, an old lady I took care of years and years ago cleared my brain of ever getting them. This women looked like she was so old that she must have gotten the very first pair of implants EVER. I didn’t realize that they even HAD implants when this lady was young. Anyway, she was lying flat on her back and I took her gown down to stick electrodes on her for an EKG. I immediately noticed the huge round things where her boobs should have been. BUT…there were no nipples on them. I thought that was odd. I had more electrodes to stick on her so I pulled the gown down some more and I noticed something going under her left arm. I moved her arm and pulled the thing out from under her. Much to my horror…it was her left breast. She had implants…and her own boobs…but the two pair were nowhere near each other. Those nipples had gone on quite a journey to be sure.

With all these little blue pills and plastic surgery…old people are going to be having a lot more fun…I guess. But, I had to wonder…if a man was having sex with this woman with 4 boobs, what would he do…go after the round things on her chest…or would he be a gentleman and go searching for those nipples? That’s a scary call…if you have to search TOO long it can turn rather embarrassing. I’d hate to hear, “I’m sorry darling but I can’t seem to find either one of your nipples…may I just rub on the big round things?”

Terrific…Viagra and plastic surgery…now you’ll have men wielding plumbing long since out of warranty on women hawking parts decommissioned years ago.

Don’t you think we are tempting fate a little with all of these unnatural goings on? I do. Imagine the potential progeny of Joan Rivers and Bob Dole. Jonathon Winters comes quickly to mind.

My parents embarrassed me enough when they were in their twenties, I wouldn’t even want to think about a couple of horny eighty year-olds dropping me off at school. I think that those little blue pills are some man’s attempt at getting even with women for that whole Garden of Eden fiasco. Why else would they do that? Were the men complaining that they didn’t want it anymore? I know that the women didn’t whine after the men stopped “performing”. You wouldn’t think the men would whine…if THEY have no urge there is no problem, right? I know there wasn’t a man saying, “You know, I must think more of my poor wife. I wouldn’t want her to go without.” I don’t think old men think that way, do you?

So, who’s idea was that little blue pill? I must know. And one other thing I must know, how many do you have to slip a man before he gets one of those four hour erections? I promise to seek medical attention…after I have tried everything I know to solve the problem myself.
Anyway, no fake boobs for me. I’ve thought about it like a lot of women…but I never seem to think it’s worth it. I’d much just rather stuff my bra.

Have a nice day!