Hi...

...I'm here. I'm trying to type lightly because last night I went out and had 2 Long Island Ice Teas and I am not a drinker at all. I'm a joker, I'm a smoker, I'm a midnight toker...but I am not a drinker. So, as usual, the little bit I DID have to drink was more than enough to make me absolutely tipsy. I wasn't stupid drunk, I was happy drunk. I didn't even think I was drunk in the first place, but a few things convinced me that I must have been.

First of all, there was a to-go box full of sausage gravy on my bedside table and I have vague memories of the Waffle House around the corner. I would NEVER go to a Waffle House sober...because of something that happened in 1981. It's a long story but suffice it to say that there's a cockroach involved.

I carried the sausage gravy into the kitchen before I remembered the Waffle House and as I was wondering where the hell it came from, I looked down and noticed that I didn't have the long john's on that I was wearing in my last semi-lucid memory. Instead of long john's and jammies, I was wearing a shirt with a good sweater over it and Victoria Secret panties. When I was getting dressed (totally sober), I distinctly remember putting on a pair of big black granny panties. I'm still trying to figure that one out.

Luckily, my date left early. He works for Ted Turner and he had to be at work really early so we went out early in the evening. When we got back to my place, we watched a bunch of South Park episodes that I had Tivo-ed and then, much to my drunken dismay, he had to leave. I was just getting to the point where I was into his thighs. Oh well, that's further than I've gotten with this guy in years.

He's been around so long that my ex knew him. The ex even tried to name him in our divorce, but he got the name totally wrong. And..he WAS totally wrong. This guy has a basement in his house with a pool table in it and to this day, that's all we ever do when I go over there. I don't understand this one, he hasn't kissed me...ever. I was just resigning myself to being nothing but a friend when he came over to hang out one night and as we were watching some Matthew McConaughey movie, I snuggled up next to him and he put his arm around me and went on a escapade under my bra. But...still no kissing! That was rather perplexing.

He did that last night too and I decided to fight fire with fire. That's why my hand was in his thighs. Two stiff drinks will make you do that kind of stuff.

I digested again.

So one way or another, I got pretty buzzed last night. I have a minor hangover but if I go back to bed and sleep some more, I should wake up fine. This is one of those hangovers that'll be gone by dinnertime.

I don't mind, when I decided to drink, I also decided that it was worth the inevitable hangover. Stupid shit has been happening to me lately so when a guy called me to ask me out for dinner and drinks, I decided that my day had been bad enough and if some guy wanted to buy me a couple drinks, who am I to say no? It would have been rude and unsocial-like. I think I read that in How to Win Friends and Influence People.

We went to Schillings on the Square and had a really good time. The Long Island Iced Teas didn't hurt. We both laughed a LOT.

So, that magazine that I did a job for has finally come out and last night was the launch party. I didn't have anyone to take me, my friend couldn't because he had to get to bed early and the party didn't even start until 10 PM. But, the entire magazine is online and if you go there and sign up for a free two week subscription, you can read the current issue and the stuff that I wrote. First of all, here's the cover:

And here is the link to the magazine itself:

http://www.moderatemagazine.com/

You can sign up for a free two week trial without any info but an email to verify it. If you DO want to do it, look at the first article that I wrote. They spelled my name wrong. I thought I was writing one article about 7 things but it was actually 7 different articles. Damn, I was SOOOO underpaid...but it seemed like a nice publisher doing her best to launch this magazine so it's all good.

Anyway, my last name has 5 letters in it, not 6. I couldn't tell what that last letter was...I think it was an "N", the most common way that people misspell my name. I don't know why Kelson looks right but Kelso doesn't. They're not exactly common names.

But, the rest of the articles had it spelled properly. I think. My date got here as I was checking and I have a couple more to look at.

OK, I'm bored with this...I'll be back.

:)