I think that I'm going to...
...crack up soon. I don't mean crack up like lose my marbles, I mean crack up like laughing out loud until tears of joy come out of my eyes.
Remember freaky dude? I've done a lot of thinking about him and I have quite a long list of grievances. Anyone of those grievances alone would be a "dumpable offense", but like a nit wit, I waited until a true no-brainer occurred before I skipped away from this one with a smile on my face.
I should have booked when I applied the sexual breaks and he asked me "Why?". No guy has ever asked me that question and I have told more than my share of guys "No.". They all seemed to understand exactly why I stopped them, I never had to justify it before.
Some of you might wonder if I'm concerned that he might read this. Well, no, not at all. First of all, I've never used his name and secondly, he was absolutely NEVER interested in reading things that I wrote. As much as I write and as important as it is to me, he never once read anything I showed him. He might have read the first sentence or two but he would immediately dismiss it and talk about something else. When I write something that I'm getting paid for, I worry that it might not make sense to the reader so I like to get someones opinion on my work before I send it in.
To that end, I copied a short article and handed it to him. He literally put it down on my coffee table even though I specifically asked him for his opinion on what I had written. There's ONE reason why.
He told me that he was 57 and then the nit wit gave me an x-ray of his hip to look at. On the bottom of it the doctor had written, "69 y/o male". You don't even have to be a nurse to know what that means. I knew that he was older than 57, but I had no idea that he was around when Hitler was invading Poland. For years he's been telling me that he's a truck driver and he goes back and forth to New Jersey a couple of times a week. Once we started dating, he couldn't hide the truck with pictures of the food served by the restaurant that owns the truck. It's a local chain. I was born in Jersey and I know it well. This particular restaurant is NOT there. It's nowhere outside of the Atlanta area. That covers reasons 2 and 3.
Then, there's what I call the "Grandpa's body". You know what I mean, skinny legs and a disproportionately large torso...like a short water tower. That's how my grandfather was built. Not my FATHER, my GRANDFATHER. Grandpa died in 1982...at the tender age of 67. This guy has outlived Gramps by two years. The water tower thing is reason 4.
Then, there's the constant, "I had too much to drink so would you mind if I spent the night? I'd hate to get pulled over." How do you say no to that? I couldn't. But, I made it quite clear that my gargantuan dog was sleeping right next to me. The old man could TRY to move the huge dog, but it wouldn't be wise. Reason 5.
Reason 6 is a biggie. I had a REAL problem with this one, as did my roommate. At first I attributed it to him being an old man but then it occurred to me that NO ONE is that old. When he "had too much to drink" to drive, he would strip down to his boxers and sleep on my couch. If you passed him in the hall, he would just say "Hi!" as though it's normal for a grown man to be walking around in his boxer shorts.
Then, the one time that I did make out with him, I couldn't deal with it. All I can say is it was ick, ick, icky. I haven't been kissed by someone THAT inept since I was 15. That's 7.
Of course there's the "Why?" when I stopped his wandering hands. It was worth more, but I'll give him the benefit of the doubt and charge him with one which makes 8.
Walking into my house without knocking, 9.
Saying, "Hey, that's MY stuff!" to me...for opening a drawer at his house AFTER he walked into my house without knocking. 10.
Dragging me from one place to another just to make sure that his friends, co-workers and family saw us together...kissing in public, just in case there was any doubt. 11.
Never once saying, "That was good!", "I enjoyed that meal!" or "Kiss my ass!" after eating one of the meals that I prepared for him. 12.
The total lack of respect, consideration for my feelings and the way I always felt like I was protecting my boobs from him, 13.
The fact that he karioked, 14.
For literally pulling me by the arm away from a pool game and onto the dance floor. That wouldn't have been TOO bad, but then he took out the microphone and SANG the song I Can't Help Falling in Love With You while slow dancing with me. My total humiliation was worth one and his attempt to clear the place of any competition by some seriously questionable methods...another one. We're up to 16.
Never once taking me anyplace except bars, bringing alcohol to my house because I'm "The only person he knows who doesn't keep alcohol of some sort in the house" and for thinking that booze would loosen me up, 17.
His complete and utter disregard for my automotive problems, 18.
The fact that he calls and lets my phone ring 20 times, 19.
For showing just enough disdain for things that I want to do to make me say, "OK, forget it.", 20.
There are 20 reasons right there and I haven't even mentioned the fact that I'm not a slut which was pretty much my reason for saying "NO!" in the first place. And after all of this crap, it took such a HUGE last straw for me to finally put a stop to it.
There was absolutely NOTHING positive about any of the times we went out. I have no excuse. And before you ask, I don't know WHAT the hell I was thinking.
...crack up soon. I don't mean crack up like lose my marbles, I mean crack up like laughing out loud until tears of joy come out of my eyes.
Remember freaky dude? I've done a lot of thinking about him and I have quite a long list of grievances. Anyone of those grievances alone would be a "dumpable offense", but like a nit wit, I waited until a true no-brainer occurred before I skipped away from this one with a smile on my face.
I should have booked when I applied the sexual breaks and he asked me "Why?". No guy has ever asked me that question and I have told more than my share of guys "No.". They all seemed to understand exactly why I stopped them, I never had to justify it before.
Some of you might wonder if I'm concerned that he might read this. Well, no, not at all. First of all, I've never used his name and secondly, he was absolutely NEVER interested in reading things that I wrote. As much as I write and as important as it is to me, he never once read anything I showed him. He might have read the first sentence or two but he would immediately dismiss it and talk about something else. When I write something that I'm getting paid for, I worry that it might not make sense to the reader so I like to get someones opinion on my work before I send it in.
To that end, I copied a short article and handed it to him. He literally put it down on my coffee table even though I specifically asked him for his opinion on what I had written. There's ONE reason why.
He told me that he was 57 and then the nit wit gave me an x-ray of his hip to look at. On the bottom of it the doctor had written, "69 y/o male". You don't even have to be a nurse to know what that means. I knew that he was older than 57, but I had no idea that he was around when Hitler was invading Poland. For years he's been telling me that he's a truck driver and he goes back and forth to New Jersey a couple of times a week. Once we started dating, he couldn't hide the truck with pictures of the food served by the restaurant that owns the truck. It's a local chain. I was born in Jersey and I know it well. This particular restaurant is NOT there. It's nowhere outside of the Atlanta area. That covers reasons 2 and 3.
Then, there's what I call the "Grandpa's body". You know what I mean, skinny legs and a disproportionately large torso...like a short water tower. That's how my grandfather was built. Not my FATHER, my GRANDFATHER. Grandpa died in 1982...at the tender age of 67. This guy has outlived Gramps by two years. The water tower thing is reason 4.
Then, there's the constant, "I had too much to drink so would you mind if I spent the night? I'd hate to get pulled over." How do you say no to that? I couldn't. But, I made it quite clear that my gargantuan dog was sleeping right next to me. The old man could TRY to move the huge dog, but it wouldn't be wise. Reason 5.
Reason 6 is a biggie. I had a REAL problem with this one, as did my roommate. At first I attributed it to him being an old man but then it occurred to me that NO ONE is that old. When he "had too much to drink" to drive, he would strip down to his boxers and sleep on my couch. If you passed him in the hall, he would just say "Hi!" as though it's normal for a grown man to be walking around in his boxer shorts.
Then, the one time that I did make out with him, I couldn't deal with it. All I can say is it was ick, ick, icky. I haven't been kissed by someone THAT inept since I was 15. That's 7.
Of course there's the "Why?" when I stopped his wandering hands. It was worth more, but I'll give him the benefit of the doubt and charge him with one which makes 8.
Walking into my house without knocking, 9.
Saying, "Hey, that's MY stuff!" to me...for opening a drawer at his house AFTER he walked into my house without knocking. 10.
Dragging me from one place to another just to make sure that his friends, co-workers and family saw us together...kissing in public, just in case there was any doubt. 11.
Never once saying, "That was good!", "I enjoyed that meal!" or "Kiss my ass!" after eating one of the meals that I prepared for him. 12.
The total lack of respect, consideration for my feelings and the way I always felt like I was protecting my boobs from him, 13.
The fact that he karioked, 14.
For literally pulling me by the arm away from a pool game and onto the dance floor. That wouldn't have been TOO bad, but then he took out the microphone and SANG the song I Can't Help Falling in Love With You while slow dancing with me. My total humiliation was worth one and his attempt to clear the place of any competition by some seriously questionable methods...another one. We're up to 16.
Never once taking me anyplace except bars, bringing alcohol to my house because I'm "The only person he knows who doesn't keep alcohol of some sort in the house" and for thinking that booze would loosen me up, 17.
His complete and utter disregard for my automotive problems, 18.
The fact that he calls and lets my phone ring 20 times, 19.
For showing just enough disdain for things that I want to do to make me say, "OK, forget it.", 20.
There are 20 reasons right there and I haven't even mentioned the fact that I'm not a slut which was pretty much my reason for saying "NO!" in the first place. And after all of this crap, it took such a HUGE last straw for me to finally put a stop to it.
There was absolutely NOTHING positive about any of the times we went out. I have no excuse. And before you ask, I don't know WHAT the hell I was thinking.
posted by Meg Kelso | 4:15 AM
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