I've had girlfriends...

...who had no visible means of support yet somehow they got their bills paid and never seemed to worry about the next month. I never knew how they did it and I certainly didn't ask. But if I just figured something out that I could have been doing for 30 years, I'm going to be rather annoyed that I bothered working for so long.

A guy who's been asking me out wanted me to come meet him for lunch today and I told him that I couldn't make any plans until I figured out how to pay my phone bill because I didn't want it to get turned off. I wasn't hinting at all, that never would have occurred to me. But the guy responded, "Hell, I'll pay your phone bill, just have lunch with me!"

Are you kidding me?

Has this been an option all along? Why didn't anyone tell me about that? I knew about the hooker option and I dismissed that idea long ago but I didn't know that men would give you cash simply to have lunch with them. How long has this been going on and why hasn't anyone mentioned it to me? I think I'm owed quite a bit in back pay.

When my kids were little I wouldn't be able to go out because I didn't want to have to pay a babysitter to go on a date so my dates would pay the sitters for me. That's as far as I ever pushed the "How much do you want to go out with me tonight?" envelope. I never thought about getting the utilities paid too. So, maybe it was my fault, I never even asked a guy to pay my bills so perhaps it's been going on and I simply didn't know any better.

Of course I have to wonder, does that make me a professional lunch date? If I kiss the guy, have I crossed a line? Or is this just business as usual? I'm not sure how to take this unprecedented turn of events.

Oh well. It sure makes you think about the man/woman relationship, doesn't it? Is it OK for me to let a guy pay my phone bill for me if he wants to? Do you only accept cash from men you know really well or can you let a guy butter you up as he tries to get in your pants? I'll figure this crap out sooner or later.

When I need my lawn mowed I put an ad online and get it mowed. It's amazing how many guys will just come to your house and do work. I still don't understand that but it works for me. The last guy to mow the lawn simply came over, mowed my lawn, shook my hand and left. How sweet was that?

OK...I need some other things too...who do I ask about them? I don't want to abuse the phone bill dude so he's gonna get lunch and a polite handshake. I suppose I should just be happy about that but now I'm worrying about the electric bill. That probably won't be as easy as the phone bill but I guess that means I just have to be a bit more thoughtful of whom I ask.

I have someone in mind but I can't just blurt out names. You know, if this works, the entire economic system is in for some major overhualing. Damn, I wish I thought of this when I was 24.