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Hi. I'm trying to think of another description to put here. Any ideas? I'll try again at 420.

Sunday, June 07, 2009

If I could only shoot...

...one person on this planet, I think most of you know at whom I would aim my pistol. I must admit that I blew my shot at that SOB a while back. I'd have a better chance at getting out of jail sooner if I shot him in the head back when all of this anger was new. Somehow it almost seems understandable if you shoot your husband when you find him in bed with another woman but if you refrain from making any knee-jerk reactions, think about it for a few years and plan it well...all of a sudden you're a psychopath. That makes no sense.

It's going on 5 years since that lying sack-o-shit left and I'm still as annoyed as I ever was. Call me bitter, I really don't care. I tried being not bitter and that didn't help so I'll just go with what feels natural and being annoyed at my ex feels right. It just feels right.

After all, I am angry. Why sugar coat it and say things I don't mean? I could say, "I hope he finds happiness because my love for him is that unselfish." But it would be a lie. The truth is that occasionally I wish hideous, unpleasant and life-changing events upon his ass. I'm sad that I don't get to watch him suffer but it helps just to know that sooner or later, the bastard will feel dreadful pain and loss.

When I tell people about this blog, I try to emphasize how little I ever discuss my ex because "I'm so over it all." But it's bullshit. I'm still pissed and the only thing that keeps me quiet is a ridiculous feeling that it's the gentile thing to do. After this long, I should "Get over it!" And I realize that a lot of people are probably saying that as they read this. I think there's something that I need to explain to those kind folk. Go fuck yourself.

It is what it is.

And actually, I don't mind at all because the anger is SO much easier than the bad feelings. If I have to chose between feeling rotten and acrimony, acrimony wins every time. You know, I think it's healthier, don't you? It sort of gives you an energy. Anger just sounds more energetic than feeling rotten. I wonder what I'm going to do with all of my angry energy now that I've tapped into it?

You know what I'm missing? Other people. I need other people to help me with energy expenditure or else it's just walking alone. I saw a bunch of other people on the lake yesterday but they were on their own boats.

It was really lovely out there. We dropped anchor in a cove and I sizzled and burned all day. I don't know what I was thinking but I'm paying for it today. I'm the whitest white woman on the planet and I have no business out on a lake without a parasol. But there I sat, singing Sloop John B all day and walking all over the boat like I had been walking on boats for my whole life. I figured the worst that could happen was that I could fall in and that's not such a bad thing. So, I wandered around the boat holding onto the boom and the ropes that hold the sails up. It was fun.

I saw a bunch of houseboats out there that had to be very expensive. There's a lot of people who have enough spare cash to play on great boats on weekends. I don't seem to meet many of those but if one of you people with a bazillion bucks in disposable cash would be so kind, dispose of some of it my way, would you? I'll put it to really good use. Oh! Maybe we could go on Good Morning America! Or Oprah! I wouldn't want to walk onto Dr. Phil's set. That man is a barracuda.

You know what I need today? A refrigerator. Yep, if a rich person is out there with their credit cards, get in touch with me and you can order one from Home Depot. It doesn't have to be fancy, I just like the ability to have ice on demand. This is like being in Europe...my water is "cold" but it isn't ice cold. So rich people, have a little pity on a thirsty water drinker and get me a new fridge. It'll make you feel good...I promise.

OK then, I have to run along now and worry about things so I'll be on my way. Don't forget, a refrigerator with an ice maker thing.



Blogger Meg Kelso said...

Good morning officer.

July 11, 2009  

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