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Hi. I'm trying to think of another description to put here. Any ideas? I'll try again at 420.

Wednesday, September 09, 2009

In the past 24 hours I have...

...given one cat and one dog baths. Not together of course, I did the cat in the kitchen sink and I did the dog in the tub. Neither one of them were very "into" the process although the cat had his moments. A couple of times as I held most of him underwater by using one hand to two of his legs and lying him down on his side, he stopped fighting I could feel his little cat muscles relax but those episodes didn't last very long.

That was the first bath for that cat, they don't usually need them. But I did a flea dip thingie and bathed him at the same time. I gotta be honest, I did NOT expect compliance from either animal so I seriously considered giving them Xanax, especially the clawed feline crazy animal. But, I'm running low so I chose to avoid a Dr. Conrad Murray maneuver and allowed both animals to proceed with nothing but their Flight or Fight response to fuel them. It was a massive undertaking, I must say.

That cat fought as though he was a Nancy Pelosi foot soldier and like one of those Frisco freaks...all it took to overcome that cattiness was brute force. It works everytime.

I even used that on the dog although he is a BIT more reasonable than the cat when being given a bath. Once you get him in, he pretty much accepts the hose and the shampoo after a while. He has to, if he doesn't I use brute force again...I just hold his body down in the water using my knees and a sharply honed sense of leverage. He no longer makes that necessary although once he has me lulled into a false sense of security and I'm soaping up in left groin area...he jumps out of the tub.

That's not going to help him much because there's no way for him to get out. I'm at least smart enough to shut doors. So, I just turn around and sit the other way on the tub wall and soap that sucker up really, really well. It's sort of like making lemonade out of lemons.

Anyway, after he's good and soaped up...all the way down to his paws...I just do what I did to get him in the tub in the first place. I stand up, get in the tub and grab his leash. Then, once again using brute force, I pull that sucker in the tub. To be honest, at least one leg is usually his idea but...by the time he relents, I've gotten his two front legs in myself. There's a big splash but by then it really doesn't matter, he's already jumped out once and there's been a bit of physical confrontation as well so the bathroom is already wet. It couldn't POSSIBLY get any wetter so I just go with it.

So now I rinse him with the hose, pouring more water on the floor when I have to rinse his big stupid head that will NEVER be all the way IN the tub. He finds some way to stick his head over the tub wall and it's just easier to hose his head down even though the water is pouring all over the bathroom than it is to fight with him.

If you look around at that point, you might see a dry spot. But that will go away soon because after you rinse off a dog with hose and let him out of the tub he's going to shake that shake that they all seem to shake. Now the walls are wet too and I had long ago reached my own point of aqueous saturation.

Foreseeing that I would be getting wet, I was wearing a dirty t-shirt and some running shorts. I long ago learned that a bathroom full of water with a bathtub full of dog hair is just begging to be super cleaned. Especially when you consider how much easier dog hair is to clean up wet than it is dry. There's no pleasant way to clean dog hair out of your own personal tub...but it ABSOLUTELY must be done, and well. So, you might as well do it the easy way while the hair is still wet and so are you.

That's a great time to get scrubby things and bathroom cleaners and scrub like a maniac. You know, dog hair isn't the ONLY thing that's easier to clean at that point...the splashing water and humid air should have even loosened the scum a bit. High Five!

Then, of course, once you get your tub, tile floor and tile wall all sparkling clean...it's time to take off the funky clothes you're wearing and take a nice, long, hot shower...wouldn't you think? It probably would be if there was anymore hot water left after I lathered up my hair.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Get your ass to California!

September 09, 2009  
Blogger Meg Kelso said...

I have no ass. But the rest of me is trying.

September 10, 2009  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

r u bringing them to cali?

September 16, 2009  
Blogger Meg Kelso said...

hard 2 tell

September 16, 2009  

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