Did you ever hear of...
...pear brandy? My new beau, we'll call him Thor, brought us some holiday cheer in the form of pear brandy and poured me a glass full to drink. I couldn't get past the smell. It smelled like whiskey and it didn't taste much better. I tried to be sociable and sip, chug or shoot that crap and I just couldn't do it. I wasn't in a drinking mood and I was sober. This is some nasty stuff that, if I were to drink, I would have to be drunk already. That's how I ended up drinking straight gin, I downed a whole lot of beer first so that by the time someone handed me gin, I didn't taste the hideous concoction enough to avoid drinking a LOT of it.
Ions ago, I used to drink until I passed out or someone very large and bold cut me off. Today, I usually can't drink a drink to save my life. I just don't like drinking crap that tastes bad and I like my brain the way it is. I'd prefer it weren't full of bubbles, but aneurysms are only more reasons not to drink. I don't like it, I don't like the way it makes me feel and I don't like living in a place that actually charges 15 bucks for a highball. I'm a lot of fun at parties.
But, if you try really hard and wait long enough, you might catch me on a night that finds me in an interesting mood when I have had a couple drinks and they actually make me feel good. Naturally, when something makes you feel good, you do more of it so on those rare occasions that I can enjoy a libation or two, I end up drinking it all.
Of course, that's never a good thing after the first blast of giddiness. The last time I drank like that was Halloween. You may or may not recall that was the night that I met Thor. That was also the night I puked on two guys...I got the arm of the guy to my right and the leg of the guy on my left. It never occurred to me until yesterday that I never once tried to avoid other people and barf in my own lap. If I ever feel the need to blow chunks in a crowded area again, I'll just go ahead and blow those chunks down my own shirt. That seems like the polite thing to do, don't you think?
And, by the way, yes...Thor was present for my little barfarama and he still called me later that week and we've been playing nicely ever since. You gotta love a guy who gives you a mulligan on vomit the first night he meets you. What a sweetie.
The memory must be fading because he handed me that disgusting pear brandy and asked me to go out with him on New Year's Eve. That's nice.
The only problem is I hate New Year's Eve. I don't mind if I'm in the safety of my own home...I just hate being out with a bunch of drunks. Even IF I was able to enjoy a drink and get drunk myself, that would mean the obligatory hangover and that can't be. When you go out drinking on New Year's Eve, you might as well just plan for a New Year's Day hangover. I hate hangovers, I certainly don't want to know the date of my next one.
Well, my daughter is cleaning a closet and the polite thing for me to do is help her so I'm going to do that.
Ya'll stay sober...ya' hear?
...pear brandy? My new beau, we'll call him Thor, brought us some holiday cheer in the form of pear brandy and poured me a glass full to drink. I couldn't get past the smell. It smelled like whiskey and it didn't taste much better. I tried to be sociable and sip, chug or shoot that crap and I just couldn't do it. I wasn't in a drinking mood and I was sober. This is some nasty stuff that, if I were to drink, I would have to be drunk already. That's how I ended up drinking straight gin, I downed a whole lot of beer first so that by the time someone handed me gin, I didn't taste the hideous concoction enough to avoid drinking a LOT of it.
Ions ago, I used to drink until I passed out or someone very large and bold cut me off. Today, I usually can't drink a drink to save my life. I just don't like drinking crap that tastes bad and I like my brain the way it is. I'd prefer it weren't full of bubbles, but aneurysms are only more reasons not to drink. I don't like it, I don't like the way it makes me feel and I don't like living in a place that actually charges 15 bucks for a highball. I'm a lot of fun at parties.
But, if you try really hard and wait long enough, you might catch me on a night that finds me in an interesting mood when I have had a couple drinks and they actually make me feel good. Naturally, when something makes you feel good, you do more of it so on those rare occasions that I can enjoy a libation or two, I end up drinking it all.
Of course, that's never a good thing after the first blast of giddiness. The last time I drank like that was Halloween. You may or may not recall that was the night that I met Thor. That was also the night I puked on two guys...I got the arm of the guy to my right and the leg of the guy on my left. It never occurred to me until yesterday that I never once tried to avoid other people and barf in my own lap. If I ever feel the need to blow chunks in a crowded area again, I'll just go ahead and blow those chunks down my own shirt. That seems like the polite thing to do, don't you think?
And, by the way, yes...Thor was present for my little barfarama and he still called me later that week and we've been playing nicely ever since. You gotta love a guy who gives you a mulligan on vomit the first night he meets you. What a sweetie.
The memory must be fading because he handed me that disgusting pear brandy and asked me to go out with him on New Year's Eve. That's nice.
The only problem is I hate New Year's Eve. I don't mind if I'm in the safety of my own home...I just hate being out with a bunch of drunks. Even IF I was able to enjoy a drink and get drunk myself, that would mean the obligatory hangover and that can't be. When you go out drinking on New Year's Eve, you might as well just plan for a New Year's Day hangover. I hate hangovers, I certainly don't want to know the date of my next one.
Well, my daughter is cleaning a closet and the polite thing for me to do is help her so I'm going to do that.
Ya'll stay sober...ya' hear?
posted by Meg Kelso | 6:39 PM
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