OK then...
...I give. If I expect to have ANY FUN AT ALL this summer, I need to put an ad on a dating site. I hate that because, as anyone who has ever taken that desperate route knows, most people lie on those suckers.
And the pictures! OMG! They better be really, really, really good ones because when I look at them, I consider the fact that the person posting the pictures have many, many other pictures to choose from and they chose that particular picture. It's the absolute BEST picture they have.
There are a lot of reasons that men (yes, women do it too, but I only deal with men so that's what I know) will choose a certain picture to post. First of all, the picture could be one taken on the man's motorcycle and therefore, in his mind, quite cool. Not so much in a girl's mind...most of us act like we care but that's only because we're setting our own trap.
Some men aren't too bright so they post pictures of themselves in a tuxedo. That wouldn't be too bad but the tux is usually his wedding tux and the bride is actually cut out of the picture. Unfortunately for these poor fools, they can't cut out the bride's arm which is usually around some part of the dude's body.
I won't even mention the pictures of penis's except to send a message to penis posters..."Dudes, penis's are like assholes, everybody has one. If you really want to impress a woman, post pictures of your wallet open to the credit cards."
OH, and when posing for a picture while sleeveless...don't bother putting your fists under your biceps to make them look big. Women are on to that little "trick"...we invented bra-stuffing so we're on the look out for artificial inflation of body parts. Most women realize that if a guy has to use the fist-pumping trick, they are compensating for small body parts. Not that there's anything wrong with small body parts, just the men who feel the need to inflate them in a dishonest method.
I have to mention the pictures with baseball caps. Men, women are aware that baseball caps, outside of a baseball field, are usually a sign of a bald head. C'mon guys, haven't you noticed that Michael Jordan made it cool to be bald almost 20 years ago?
You can grow your ear hair as long as you want to, you are still BALD. I haven't been fooled by the Bret Michaels trick since Poison was in the top-ten. Bret is bald and so are YOU!!!
Speaking of bald men, my ex posted a picture of himself on his MySpace page. In the foreground of the picture were shoes that obviously belonged to a chick. My guess is that she was the poor sap who took the picture. Knowing my ex, he didn't tell her that he would be posting the picture on a social networking site. And...knowing him...he isn't bright enough to crop out the girl shoes in the picture itself. BUT...when someone mentioned the shoes on THIS site, he immediately cropped them out of the picture. His profile is set to Private...but once again, I am not the reason he did that. I am, however, most likely the excuse he gave his bitch du jour. His reasoning would be some variation of, "My ex is always stalking me so I have to set all of my profiles to private." I don't know what he IS hiding from her, but I know I am not the real reason for his cryptic behaviour. I spent too much time with him not to be aware of his covert ways and the abstruse, secretive and misleading tendencies hidden behind his reserved, simple-minded, gratuitous mask.
Anyway, it's a BEEEEEE-U-TEE-FULL day here in Chicago-land so I'd like to rip these Biore Strips off of my face and go out and smell the roses. I LOVE outside...except for the bugs. Speaking of which, I just shaved my legs...I wonder if it's safe to spray Off or some such bug repellent on them? Well, I'll let you know later because my ankles are already full of mosquito bites, spider bites and unidentified nibbles. I've been supervising a weed pulling project in my girlfriend's back yard. Her son hates the project but her daughter is into it. I'm into it as well because I want to do a good job for my friend but I gotta tell you, one more hideous bug in my hair and I might just mow the weeds down.
See ya!
PS. I just found my idiot ex's profile on a social networking site and he lied about EVERYTHING! He gave himself a college degree he never earned. He would have had to register and attend classes and I know he never did that. OK, I'm done laughing now.
...I give. If I expect to have ANY FUN AT ALL this summer, I need to put an ad on a dating site. I hate that because, as anyone who has ever taken that desperate route knows, most people lie on those suckers.
And the pictures! OMG! They better be really, really, really good ones because when I look at them, I consider the fact that the person posting the pictures have many, many other pictures to choose from and they chose that particular picture. It's the absolute BEST picture they have.
There are a lot of reasons that men (yes, women do it too, but I only deal with men so that's what I know) will choose a certain picture to post. First of all, the picture could be one taken on the man's motorcycle and therefore, in his mind, quite cool. Not so much in a girl's mind...most of us act like we care but that's only because we're setting our own trap.
Some men aren't too bright so they post pictures of themselves in a tuxedo. That wouldn't be too bad but the tux is usually his wedding tux and the bride is actually cut out of the picture. Unfortunately for these poor fools, they can't cut out the bride's arm which is usually around some part of the dude's body.
I won't even mention the pictures of penis's except to send a message to penis posters..."Dudes, penis's are like assholes, everybody has one. If you really want to impress a woman, post pictures of your wallet open to the credit cards."
OH, and when posing for a picture while sleeveless...don't bother putting your fists under your biceps to make them look big. Women are on to that little "trick"...we invented bra-stuffing so we're on the look out for artificial inflation of body parts. Most women realize that if a guy has to use the fist-pumping trick, they are compensating for small body parts. Not that there's anything wrong with small body parts, just the men who feel the need to inflate them in a dishonest method.
I have to mention the pictures with baseball caps. Men, women are aware that baseball caps, outside of a baseball field, are usually a sign of a bald head. C'mon guys, haven't you noticed that Michael Jordan made it cool to be bald almost 20 years ago?
You can grow your ear hair as long as you want to, you are still BALD. I haven't been fooled by the Bret Michaels trick since Poison was in the top-ten. Bret is bald and so are YOU!!!
Speaking of bald men, my ex posted a picture of himself on his MySpace page. In the foreground of the picture were shoes that obviously belonged to a chick. My guess is that she was the poor sap who took the picture. Knowing my ex, he didn't tell her that he would be posting the picture on a social networking site. And...knowing him...he isn't bright enough to crop out the girl shoes in the picture itself. BUT...when someone mentioned the shoes on THIS site, he immediately cropped them out of the picture. His profile is set to Private...but once again, I am not the reason he did that. I am, however, most likely the excuse he gave his bitch du jour. His reasoning would be some variation of, "My ex is always stalking me so I have to set all of my profiles to private." I don't know what he IS hiding from her, but I know I am not the real reason for his cryptic behaviour. I spent too much time with him not to be aware of his covert ways and the abstruse, secretive and misleading tendencies hidden behind his reserved, simple-minded, gratuitous mask.
Anyway, it's a BEEEEEE-U-TEE-FULL day here in Chicago-land so I'd like to rip these Biore Strips off of my face and go out and smell the roses. I LOVE outside...except for the bugs. Speaking of which, I just shaved my legs...I wonder if it's safe to spray Off or some such bug repellent on them? Well, I'll let you know later because my ankles are already full of mosquito bites, spider bites and unidentified nibbles. I've been supervising a weed pulling project in my girlfriend's back yard. Her son hates the project but her daughter is into it. I'm into it as well because I want to do a good job for my friend but I gotta tell you, one more hideous bug in my hair and I might just mow the weeds down.
See ya!
PS. I just found my idiot ex's profile on a social networking site and he lied about EVERYTHING! He gave himself a college degree he never earned. He would have had to register and attend classes and I know he never did that. OK, I'm done laughing now.
posted by Meg Kelso | 7:37 AM
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