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Hi. I'm trying to think of another description to put here. Any ideas? I'll try again at 420.

Saturday, October 16, 2010

I wish there was...

...a pretty picture to look at instead of this boring Publish page. It's not like I look up when I type, how the hell would I see the keys? I am a hunter and pecker from way back. BUT...I AM good at it. I could win an Olympic Hunter and Pecker contest. Nevertheless, I would enjoy a pretty picture occasionally.

Anyway, I came here to peck at you about my visit to the Oprah Show this past Thursday. Although I was disappointed in my quest for a car, I was lucky enough to get an X-Box. Now, if I could only figure out what that thing is, I might be happy about it. Someone told me it's similar to Pong so I guess it's a video game of sorts. Whatever. I wanted a car. Hell, I would have settled for an old, beat up Pinto at this point.

Oh, by the way, I saw Susan Boyle and some little girl from a show called America's Got Talent. She sang too, like an opera singer. Mo' fun. Then, the amazing singing sensation, Debbie Boone stepped up on stage to belt out her one and only pop-hit, the name of which eludes me at the moment. Oh yeah, You Light Up My Life. If I had known it would be a 70's flashback I would have dropped some acid before I left.

I should mention that I was given 4 tickets. Obviously, my BFF was coming with me. I have a sister-in-law here who would have liked it but I can't get her or my brother to return my calls. My BFF had some friends too but I've met her next-door neighbor so I asked her. She said her daughter would like to go so without thinking, I said that was fine. My tickets were gone. So much for MY daughter's friend!

The neighbor's daughter is huge preggers so the Oprah staff grabbed her and "one member of her party" out of the line so that she could sit closer to a bathroom. That move led to great seats. Me and my BFF remained in line for the next 2 hours waiting for our seats. Our numbers were 328 and 329, so guess where we got to sit? If you guessed the very back row, you win nothing but the right to be called right.

So, my glasses-less self was so far back that I only knew Oprah was there when the audience went nuts. All I saw was a black blur (That wasn't racial, she was wearing a black dress.) Now, that Greyhound suitcase hit has left me deaf in one ear so at this point, I'm down 2 eyes and an ear.

That leads to the person stting on the side of my head that can hear. She was a 60 year old "WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!" lady. She "WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-ed!!! at every opportunity. Before the O even came onto the set, I was deaf in that ear too. I offered to change seats with her but that would have lead to a Rubik's audience switch that confused the Oprah watching group that surrounded me. I suffered through the woooo's until the singers came out at which point any sound that did make it to my brain had to be muffled with my left middle finger. I was protecting myself and flipping off my assailant at the same time.

By the way, I know Boone didn't lip sync because they probably use a really good recording for the sound and even with my muffled, deaf ears, I could hear the age in her crackly voice.

Now that I have finished whining, I shall go rejoice in the day the Lord has made!


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