OPERATION BLOWJOB: REWRITE FROM LAST ELECTION

If I worked at a drug store and Monica Lewinsky walked up to the counter with a box of tampons, I wouldn't be able to help myself…I would look her right in the eye and with a deadpan face, I’d say, “You do know where these go, don’t you honey? They’re NOT cigars.”

It must be a rather odd feeling to know that you’ll go down in history for such a relationship with the president. Or do you think future generations will see her differently?

“Ladies and gentlemen, let me introduce a woman belonging to a very elite group of heroic American women who have made our great nation a better place for us all, Betsy Ross, Harriet Tubman, Eleanor Roosevelt, Monica Lewinsky and Georgetta W. Bush…”

Wouldn’t it be a bitch if we were to find out that blowing a president is the ONE way to get them to do a good job? I think we should have Michelle take that one eyed wonder worm of her husband’s…and make it truly the most powerful penis in the world. Then, if the economy goes up, gas prices go down and Bill O’Reilly has nothing to bitch about anymore…we’ll know it works.

If it doesn’t do a thing, my scientific mind says that we should let Monica try it before we trash the idea completely. After all, she could be the common denominator. We could create a new cabinet, not a cabinet position, but an actual cabinet…one where the president will go every morning after a couple cups of coffee to receive his presidential blow job. Then, he just steps out, buckles his belt and straightens his tie. That’s it. Now he’s ready to make important decisions with a much, much more pleasant demeanor.

Monica would be the perfect person for the job, after all, she spent a lot of time under the presidential desk. We could do better than that with the presidential blow job cabinet. We could even put up mirrors. Well, I guess we’d have to see what Monica looks like on her knees. It might NOT be something the president would want to see.

Maybe we could just put up some nude pictures…Obama could get some nice shots of Haley Berry, Lisa Bonet and Alicia Keys. If Romney wins, he could just put up pictures of mega-rich widows. Whatever floats the presidential boat.

If Operation Blow job works for 3 presidents in a row, we should stick it in the constitution. (I'd love to be in the audience for THAT debate...who would oppose such a bill?) Yep, it might sound crazy, but nothing they’ve done so far has worked. And with the 2 yahoos we have running for president, I don’t see any hope for the future. But, I do have a message for the wives of the presidential hopefuls:

To the merry wives of DC:

BLOW YOUR MEN.

We might just have to send in Monica so for your own good, as well as the good of the entire planet, go down on your men TONIGHT! And remember this, if his dick is in YOUR mouth…it can’t possibly be in ANYONE ELSE'S.

Sincerely,

Meg 

I’m sure it’ll work because I’ve been paying attention. I KNOW BJ Billy’s dick wasn’t in HIS wife’s mouth. She has too much to say and it’s not polite to speak with your mouth full. And then, during the last primary election…I submit that a solid pussy eating every night would have clinched the bid for the Hill-dog. Tell me I’m wrong.

Think about it…don’t you feel better after oral sex? I know it puts a lighter step in my feet the next day.

On the other hand, when I haven’t had ANY sex, I’m pretty much looking for a fight. I’m irritable, cranky and nothing at all like my sweet self. The longer I go without makes me exponentially bitchier.

So, the presidential blowjob is an absolutely valid proposal. If every person out there had oral sex tonight, they would all be a bit happier tomorrow. Oral sex could be like the proverbial pebble on the pond. Your pleasant nature would change things that you would never consider and because of those changes, as in the Butterfly Effect, great things would begin to happen all over the world. You could very well be responsible for saving the planet. All because you did something that you wanted to do anyway.

Now, once you see that I’m right, I want you to write a letter to your congressmen, senators and yes, even the president. Tell them ALL about Operation Blowjob. Appeal to their sexual/politcal ego…tell them that they could lead America to the Gold…we could finally overtake France as the greatest lovers of the world!

They would really be into that idea. I think I’m going to become a lobbyist for my cause. The only problem is that I can’t afford the trip to the lobby. So, if you believe in Operation Blowjob, let me know. I will tell you how you can be a part of saving the future of our civilization in a way that doesn’t endanger the planet, intrude on the rights of any other country nor does it affect manatees one way or another. (Of course, happy people tend to be more philanthropic so it might even HELP the manatees!)

With any money left over after my trip to Washington, I will start a school that will teach attractive young ladies the ancient art of cock sucking. Just imagine a world full of women who can do MUCH more than suck on the head of your penis and call that a blowjob.

This is just one more reason of many that I should be president.

Oh, by the way, as president I would put Johnny Depp, Jude Law and John Goodman in my cabinet. Yes...at the same time.