How To I Loathe Thee?

Let me take a infinitesimal piece of you and count a few of the ways.

I loathe the way thee recites varied and sundried messages into thee's phone trying to put together one sentence that is both grammatically correct AND socially felicitous. Your attempts are prima facie evidence of your complete social ignorance, utter lack of regard for even the most basic rules of society  and etiquette and your shocking apathy for education of any sort.

I loathe the part of thee that is so inherently racist that thee has been denied membership for the KKK because they don't need the bad press.

I loathe the way that when you might be around, I'm sure to apply make-down.

I loathe thee nature which is so evil that Al Qaede takes responsibility for thee.

I loathe how you make others question the existence of an intelligent deity. Nuns don't just leave the church because of you, they become atheists.

I loathe the fact that thee has been blacklisted by the makers of Viagra, Cialis AND Levitra and yet thee still thinks you have a chance with me.

I would have loathed thee as a baby. After thee were born, your mother had a hysterectomy and when her milk came in, she had a double mastectomy.

I loathe the your ability to remind EVERYONE who meets you to hover over toilets and to avoid touching anything in public restrooms. I'll never look at a crapper without thinking about thee again.

I loathe the fact that thee are the reason hookers won't kiss john's.

I loathe the fact that you have single-handedly convinced me that cloning is immoral.

I loathe thee face...if I posted thee picture on Craigslist, it would exterminate the entire Craigslist Personal's section in every city in the world...forever.

I loathe thee interpersonal tactics. Recidivist stalkers are shocked when they hear about them.