Misdirected Reader Mail
I received a question via a third party that I've never gotten before:
Meg. Some guy sent me a question intended for you by mistake and I promised him I would send it your way.
Dear Meg,
Can you tie a knot in a cherry stem with your tongue?
Buford Wilson
Highway 5
Pensatuckey
New Grubbin Hoe
Interesting question, isn't it? If I just said,"Sure!", one might be suspicious of my answer. I wanted to record myself actually doing it, but I don't have a web cam. (I still owe someone a video of me making my famous PB&J.) So, being the little hellion that I am, I've decided to just discuss this probing query...I felt it only fair to the kind dude who delivered the misdirected communication.
I could produce numerous men who would all tell you that they've witnessed me perform this dazzling feat. When they ask me, jaw dropped, "How did you DO that?!", I answer them with the simple statement, "The tongue is quicker than the eye." They all respond with the same expression, I find that absolutely fascinating.
So...how do I do it? Simple.
1. When out having a drink or two, at some point, go to the ladies room, passing the bar as you do.
2. As you pass the bar, grab a cherry out of the thing with 4 squares that bartenders keep fruit in.
3. Eat the cherry.
4. Take the stem and tie it in a TIGHT knot.
5. Stick the stem in your mouth and store in buccal area.
6. Go to the ladies room.
7. Pee and if there are other people in the ladies room, wash your hands.
8. Go back to table.
9. Order a piña colada.
10. Now, for the piece of resistance, pluck the cherry out of your drink and innocently play with it until your date asks if you can tie a knot in the cherry stem with your tongue...they ALL ask at some point. When prompted, stick the stem in your mouth, swallow it and then, after a few seconds of closed mouth tongue play, pull the stem with the knot out of your mouth and watch the amazement of your date. Oh, how I love violin a that plays well. A great virtuoso such as myself can make the most beautiful music with the right one.
Now, if your date finds out how you did it and calls you a phony...take off your wig, false lashes, make-up, push-up bra, girdle, contact lenses and nail polish, then stop taking Xanax and offer him your true self.
Meg. Some guy sent me a question intended for you by mistake and I promised him I would send it your way.
Dear Meg,
Can you tie a knot in a cherry stem with your tongue?
Buford Wilson
Highway 5
Pensatuckey
New Grubbin Hoe
Interesting question, isn't it? If I just said,"Sure!", one might be suspicious of my answer. I wanted to record myself actually doing it, but I don't have a web cam. (I still owe someone a video of me making my famous PB&J.) So, being the little hellion that I am, I've decided to just discuss this probing query...I felt it only fair to the kind dude who delivered the misdirected communication.
I could produce numerous men who would all tell you that they've witnessed me perform this dazzling feat. When they ask me, jaw dropped, "How did you DO that?!", I answer them with the simple statement, "The tongue is quicker than the eye." They all respond with the same expression, I find that absolutely fascinating.
So...how do I do it? Simple.
1. When out having a drink or two, at some point, go to the ladies room, passing the bar as you do.
2. As you pass the bar, grab a cherry out of the thing with 4 squares that bartenders keep fruit in.
3. Eat the cherry.
4. Take the stem and tie it in a TIGHT knot.
5. Stick the stem in your mouth and store in buccal area.
6. Go to the ladies room.
7. Pee and if there are other people in the ladies room, wash your hands.
8. Go back to table.
9. Order a piña colada.
10. Now, for the piece of resistance, pluck the cherry out of your drink and innocently play with it until your date asks if you can tie a knot in the cherry stem with your tongue...they ALL ask at some point. When prompted, stick the stem in your mouth, swallow it and then, after a few seconds of closed mouth tongue play, pull the stem with the knot out of your mouth and watch the amazement of your date. Oh, how I love violin a that plays well. A great virtuoso such as myself can make the most beautiful music with the right one.
Now, if your date finds out how you did it and calls you a phony...take off your wig, false lashes, make-up, push-up bra, girdle, contact lenses and nail polish, then stop taking Xanax and offer him your true self.
posted by Meg Kelso | 8:07 AM
9 Comments:
i think it would be more impressive to peel a banana with your mouth without gagging. lol, but i might just be bad.
And if he says anything about "your true self," look at him meaningfully and say, "BTW, I've SOLVED the 'missing sock' mystery."
TW
Nope, just a different challenge. A good illusion takes more practice than a well performed feat.
TW
But don't TELL him the solution!!! It would be epic funny.
Jessie. What time do you get off work. I'll stop by and give you a ride home.
Meg. I have seen some women really throw themselves onto selling this trick.
I feel like the first time a woman told me she faked it.
Dear Meg,
Are women ever going to figure out how ridiculous they look in capri pants? Fads come and fads go. But this one came and kept living on my couch and drinking all my beer.
They didn't work for Mary Tyler Moore.
They don't work for the collective you.
I remember Laura Petrie in Capri's but I never saw her drink a beer! BTW, I own a few pair myself. Not for fashion, for comfort and for the temperature. I hate fishing in shorts but I also hate fishing in long clothes. And I must say, I HAVE laid on a couch in Capri's and with a beer in my hand. BUT...I'm a doll.
:):):)
I don't own a pair of capris because I look like Big Bird in them-they just don't "end" in the right place. (Even the geriatric cat needs "cat eye bleach" for that sight.) And shorts are a real challenge: I gave away all my shorter ones because they're not age appropriate and the ones that reach my knees look worse yet. The only solution I've found is cut-offs from my old jeans.
Beer goes with anything especially on a hot day.... And with "warm thoughts" I can render -30 "warm enough!"
TW
Hell no one ever told me capri pants were beer drinking gear.
Carry on.
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