Pre-Dawn Thoughts
I forgot 2 perfectly good thoughts before I got to the point where I could write them down.
Well, that sentence reminded me of the first thought:
1. I can carry on a relatively decent conversation with a physicist regarding other dimensions, but I can't remember to pick up my purse when I leave the porch and go to my room.
2. There is at least one honest person in this building. I was beginning to doubt the existence of that fact.
3. Maybe I should just go all the way and sleep during the day and stay up at night. That way I'd have all "day" to get to a 7:30 AM appointment.
4. I'm seriously considering putting the above thought into action.
5. It occurred to me that I can live this lifestyle anywhere in the country. Hell, I know a guy who brings illegals in from Mexico, I could probably cross the border without a problem. I can swim and I've been walking everywhere anyway. I simply must see Key West before I leave Florida.
6. My next hovel will be by the beach. The only mystery is, which beach? Hell, I can't even narrow down an ocean at this point.
7. I wonder how far I'd get walking to Key West before I collapsed or broke another bone?
8. Lying on the bed in this place is not where I want to hear a Terminix commercial on the Soft Rock station I chose.
9. I don't want to hurt anyone or steal anything...how can I get arrested? I'm up for some civil disobedience...ideas?
10. I'm as serious as a heart attack.
Well, that sentence reminded me of the first thought:
1. I can carry on a relatively decent conversation with a physicist regarding other dimensions, but I can't remember to pick up my purse when I leave the porch and go to my room.
2. There is at least one honest person in this building. I was beginning to doubt the existence of that fact.
3. Maybe I should just go all the way and sleep during the day and stay up at night. That way I'd have all "day" to get to a 7:30 AM appointment.
4. I'm seriously considering putting the above thought into action.
5. It occurred to me that I can live this lifestyle anywhere in the country. Hell, I know a guy who brings illegals in from Mexico, I could probably cross the border without a problem. I can swim and I've been walking everywhere anyway. I simply must see Key West before I leave Florida.
6. My next hovel will be by the beach. The only mystery is, which beach? Hell, I can't even narrow down an ocean at this point.
7. I wonder how far I'd get walking to Key West before I collapsed or broke another bone?
8. Lying on the bed in this place is not where I want to hear a Terminix commercial on the Soft Rock station I chose.
9. I don't want to hurt anyone or steal anything...how can I get arrested? I'm up for some civil disobedience...ideas?
10. I'm as serious as a heart attack.
posted by Meg Kelso | 3:17 AM
3 Comments:
BTW, after walking to Homeless recovery to get in line early, I didn't have a referral. Apparently you have to prove you're homeless in order to recover. My bad.
http://www.brainline.org/content/2009/07/ill-carry-the-fork-recovering-a-life-after-brain-injury_pageall.html
go here and read excerpts from this book. there are people who get what it's like after a stroke . She had a car wreck but that's just semantics
Meg, I'm as serious as a stroke.
You're in the middle of a court case with "Whip 'Em" Wally the Wimp. (Females only need apply.) Getting arrested would not add to your credibility or assist the legal people who are working for you. You're waiting on SSD. Time in jail doesn't count as the Waiting Period for your benefits to commence.
Ms. Meggers, I see you're hitting a rough patch so ya know I'm gonna ask about your meds: Do you have them? Are you *taking* them? Yes, you have plenty to be depressed/anxious about-that's reality right now. This in NOT the rest of your life, just what you see in front of you at this time.<AT THIS TIME, 'K?
When we're feeling overwhelmed we develop Tunnel Vision. Especially when we're lacking glasses, the material ones and/or the metaphorical ones.
I'm not gonna give you some happy horse shit about the sunny side of life. I get the desire to flee (not "flea!") and the most basic need for safety and security we all have as "human beans."
This WILL come. Not all at once. Not that you can see right now. But you haven't survived all this to give up now, Meg. Or to self-sabotage.
Sometimes just putting one foot in front of the other is more than enough. You're sleep deprived and nutrition deprived. Liquid/soft diets are not meant to be long-term sustenance. You're also grieving, no small matter in itself. Before you make any kind of plans, hang on until you're in a place where you can think more clearly, OK?
BTW, is there any particular reason for an appointment at 7:30 AM? Are you hooked up with anyone from Office for the Aging-not because you're old, but because you're disabled? A caseworker from Adult Protective Services? They can and do provide transportation etc. and coordinate a whole bunch-'o-crap so you don't have to try to do this alone. Do you have (minimally) a DV advocate?
You really don't have to do it all alone, OK? And NO, you don't need a man to take care of bid'ness either.
If we could DIY, we would; it's foolish to deny that reality and not access services that are in place to assist you.
TW
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