Anyway, Monday morning I had to walk over a mile to get queued up early enough to be seen earlier. Sounds reasonable unil they called my number and then they let me know that the paper I had brought was NOT a referral Not only that, it was the sheet of paper that THEY had given me when I walked down there pre-busted jaw. I thought it was a referral from the hospital but it turned out to be a list of places I could go get referrals from. I knew that I had a hospital referral in my briefcase but I hadn't brought it with me. So, the nice lady said that if I could go get the referral and be back by 8:40 AM, they would see me. So, I walked briskly back to my hovel and searched everywhere for the referral. I had cleaned out my briefcase recently and put all of my mail, bills and extraneous medical paperwork in a bag. I could NOT find that bag. Period.
Every place that I have to go requires being one of the first 20 or 25 people in line on any given morning. So, it was too late to accomplish anything on Monday.
On Tuesday morning, I woke up early and walked 6 miles too and from (3 miles each way) a place that was (unbeknownst to me) closed. But, when I stopped at the grocery store to buy minutes for my phone so I can stay in touch with my daughter and the nice people from SSI and to buy some water to drink (remember, it's 90 and humid here), I ran into a young lady that used to stay here when I first got here. She told me that you can get a referral right here, at The Good Samaritan. So, I have one now.
So today, I should have gone to the doctors office to see if they'll let me keep that appointment and then come back to Homeless Recovery after I get my meds filled to keep me relatively sane through all of this. But when I got there, they told me that my appointment was for tomorrow.
So, that's what's going on this week with me...futility. Futility is a common thread that runs through my dreams. Ever since I was a kid I've had dreams that had one thing in common...futility. When my ex was cheating and lying about it to me, I had constant dreams of futility. In the dreams since my divorce, I'm always trying to catch Rick in one of his lies or find proof of my suspicions. In my dreams, I never find the proof I need to convince myself that he's cheating even though I KNOW in my dreams that he is. Some of my dreams are just me trying to call for help on a rotary phone and I when I dial the last number, my finger alway slips and I have to dial again. I have a million dreams about futility.
Something must be getting better because a couplre of weeks ago, I dreamt that I actually DID catch Rick cheating on me. That's gotta be progress of some sort, doesn't it?