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Sunday, July 07, 2013

Tomorrow is the day I go to court...

...and I have no idea what will happen. I don't know if Walter will get smart and take a plea or if he'll just go ahead and wait until September to go to trial. The one thing I do know is that I'll be there, ready to give a victim impact statement.

I was perfectly willing to leave the state and let it all go. Heck, I went to California and he begged me to come back so like an idiot, I did. But his behavior since I've been back has convinced me to do my best to seek justice in some form. Instead of manning up and telling the truth, he chose to deny all and make me look foolish. It's not as though I needed any help looking foolish, the mere fact that I stayed with him is really all it takes.

This isn't the first time he's been charged with domestic violence. It isn't even the first time that he was charged with assaulting me. But, for some stupid reason, I did my best to appease him and let that one go.

So, you see, I really am an idiot.

I never wrote about it because part of me knew enough to keep that humiliation to myself. That's not the only thing I was too embarrassed to tell you. This one's a doozie.

For the last year and a half, Walter has been going to a pill mill here in Tampa run by a Dr. Libreros This is the kind of place that has people outside looking for drugs to last them until they see the doctor. Walter told me about one guy there who had blue powder hanging out of his nostrils. Walter said that he must have been crushing Oxycontin and snorting it.

Walter went for me to get my much need xanax and occasionally needed pain pills. When I moved in with him, he started routinely giving it to me in the mornings. To my utter discredit I allowed myself to become dependent on them. In turn, THAT allowed me to deal with Walter. That's one of the reasons that I found it difficult to leave.

There, now you know my most hideous secret. But I did leave. When I left, I left my dog because Walter is holding him hostage. I walked away from the pills which, of course, had me feeling quite badly for a while. I even walked away from most of the few possesions that I have left.

I know it's a case of dueling idiots, but I sort of think that Walter edges me out on this one. He did most of the leg work in the relationship because I was told to stay home 97% of the time. He's the one who is trying to sue his father for a slip and fall accident. I heard Walter, on the phone, calling lawyer after lawyer trying to get one who would take him. Every different lawyer changed the story by their reasons of denial. By the time he developed a story that would garner a lawyer, it had morphed considerably from his original tale of woe. And, he consistently coaches his father on the proper story.

That fall is the reason he went to the pain doc, but I took most of the pills. At one point all they did was keep me from feeling poorly. Of course, he eventually used them to maintain control over me and I let it happen.

This is only one thing piled on top of everything else...like my health, my family,  my nerves, my financial situation, not to mention my dwindling self-esteem and constant worrying. If I tried to tend to myself AT ALL, he would stop me by creating a crisis of his own. I became his walking zombie. And he treated  me like shit.

But he's such a nice guy.

Less than one-fifth of victims reporting an injury from intimate partner violence sought medical treatment following the injury.

According to the U.S. Department of Housing and Urban Development, domestic violence is the third leading cause of homelessness among families.


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