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Hi. I'm trying to think of another description to put here. Any ideas? I'll try again at 420.

Thursday, September 05, 2013

I needed to read this again...

Today you asked why I would prefer to stay in the hideous rooming house that I'm staying in now. You called the other residents words that I would never repeat. You tell me how filthy the place is. You constantly remind me that I'm in "the hood", living with the "lowest form of life imaginable" and that "everybody knows only crack whores stay in places like this".

I could come back to you but being in this place has given me time to think. Yes, it is dreadful. But it's better than going back to you. Yes, you heard me, this place is better than yours.

You're right, the bed is full of bed bugs. But not one of those suckers has broken one of my bones. I can fall asleep in that bed without anyone shaking me and saying, "What's wrong? Why don't you sit with me? You must be up to something!" Yes, I can go to bed early without it being a clue that I have an ulterior motive for doing so. I can even get up early, like I love to do because early morning is such a peaceful time of the day. I've done it for decades. Never once has anyone gotten mad because, "if I had nothing to hide, I wouldn't need to have any time alone". So yeah, the bed has bugs...but it's better than your bed.

Maybe I am staying in a bad neighborhood, but I'm free to walk out the door and walk around without anyone following me demanding to know where I'm going. I can walk around quietly enjoying the weather and the old houses without anyone embarrassing me by shouting in the street because they know I'll do almost anything to avoid causing a scene.

And yes, I see cockroaches every night when I wake up to go to the bathroom. But I never find them groping my private areas when I wake up. They don't beg me for sex using lines like, "C'mon, it'll only take 5 minutes."

I've even met a few people who you would call "crazy". They may have mental issues, but they have never threatened suicide in an attempt to keep me in their presence. They don't try to control other people by any means necessary and they would never hide my dog so that I couldn't leave.

I can only afford to eat Ramen Noodles but you didn't pay for them so no one holds it over my head when I eat them. I'd rather eat those noodles than eat a steak that you cooked if I have to listen to you say things like, "I bought you dinner, don't I get anything for that?" Food tastes much better when you don't feel like you have to pay for it with your mind, soul and body...even Ramen Noodles.

And yeah, my clothes were donated to the shelter and they look terrible. My shoes were donated too and they're so big that I have a Bozo thing going but they're clean and I didn't have to go near you to get them.

Men around here have hit on me but they take no for an answer. They don't get mad at me and call me a bitch because I'm not interested in a romantic relationship...or romance itself for that matter. And they leave it at hitting on me, not ME.

And maybe these men are all the "scum of the earth". But when I sit and chat with them, they listen to what I say. They laugh at my jokes, they seem to enjoy my company and they make me feel good about myself. They do that by allowing me to BE myself without bitching at everything I say or do.

Everyday I have to walk everywhere I go but I can walk on a sidewalk, not eggshells.

Maybe some of the people here ARE drug addicts. But I've never seen one of them get so messed up that they locked me in a room to keep me from leaving.

Yes, I was robbed of the little bit of food that I had left. But no one sucked the life out of me and isolated me for so long that I have no one to help me get out of this situation.

The cops do, indeed, come here often. But it's never to arrest someone for assaulting me.

So, back to your question asking why I would rather stay here than go home with you...if you don't get the message from reading what I just wrote, I can't help you. Just know that there was a time in my life when I actually had a life. I would have looked at this place with fear and pity. But compared to staying with you, right now this is the Taj Mahal


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