OK...so I'm back...
...and I'm going to begin contemplating men instead. I've sacrificed time, effort and men for the sake of this blog and I'm not about to stop now. I usually do my best to protect the identity of the men I discuss, I think there are a lot of you out there who can attest to that. But when I, on a stupid day, repeatedly encounter one yahoo, you might be able to guess of whom I speak. So, without naming names, enjoy another discussion of the behavior of some men.
Some of you women out there know what I mean when I mention a controlling man. They all use different tactics to manipulate us into doing what they want us to do...or to stop us from doing something they don't want done. The problem is that there are far too many women who don't recognize the behaviors of a controlling man until it's too late. For them, I offer this list of red flags that best be taken seriously:
1. The date that never ends. You meet a guy and make plans for Friday night. Before you know it, it's Monday morning and he's still there.
2. He who looks behind doors has stood behind many. For reasons totally unbeknownst to you, your man is not as loving as he once was. You don't know about the affair or what he's telling the whore he's sleeping with. You don't know what she advises him to do in between blow jobs. He does know all of this so he must assuage his conscience and justify his behavior by throwing it back on you. Jealousy with no good reason is a big red flag, no matter what the circumstance may be.
3. The truth is 100 times worse than to what a liar admits. The slightest admission is a sure indicator of a cheating man. He may say that he gave her a ride home, but he leaves out the true, hideous events.
4. He has demonized the world. He usually begins with friends and moves on to your family, co-workers and neighbors. If you're lucky, you might have friends who know you well enough to ignore his stories, but far too many people will believe, to some extent, the lies he puts forth. Enough of the truth is entangled in the lies to make the stories believable. Do NOT Friend these people on Facebook.
5. You sit and watch him be pleasant to other people and when the two of you are alone, he is nowhere NEAR as pleasant to you. You seem to be the person he dislikes the most.
6. Along with being "disliked", you are never enjoyed. No matter how pleasant you are, there is always something to remove all chance for a nice time. Right then, you are in the last place you would ever choose to be, even behind a fart walking old man, you know...those farts that announce every step you take? My personal record is 8 steps in the fart-walking challenge. You're in a place that totally lacks smiles and all you can think of is that sitting alone in an emergency room waiting room would be more fun than listening to someone moan, bitch and whine about the most off the wall things that don't concern you in the least? If they DO concern you, you are expected to defend yourself in some way when you know damn well, you did nothing wrong.
7. A liar gets away with a LOT of lies before he gets caught so the numbers are on the liars' side. When you know you're dealing with a liar, you "listen" to them while thinking, "This all bullshit, I wish I had my earphones". If you know for a fact that your partner has lied, never, ever make judgments based on what they say. That's manipulation in it's purest form.
8. Eventually, he has something nasty to say about every single person known to the two of you. 100% of the time, he will say nasty things about you to others. You have no idea who he has told lies and what the lies are. This is how he will behave after he has assessed your boundaries and made note of your buttons.
9. He verbally states his status of payee to who you owe much. This type of man will have you believe that giving your life to him is nothing. He feels superior in what he perceives as his charitable nature for which you owe him something (everything?). Your mind, soul and body is obviously worthless and nothing.
10. You remember being loved by various men over the years. The difference is devastatingly blatant and, relatively speaking, borders on mistreatment.
I am what I am. If you like me, let's go have a laugh. If not, have a nice life, with your own personal sun always shining.
Some of you women out there know what I mean when I mention a controlling man. They all use different tactics to manipulate us into doing what they want us to do...or to stop us from doing something they don't want done. The problem is that there are far too many women who don't recognize the behaviors of a controlling man until it's too late. For them, I offer this list of red flags that best be taken seriously:
1. The date that never ends. You meet a guy and make plans for Friday night. Before you know it, it's Monday morning and he's still there.
2. He who looks behind doors has stood behind many. For reasons totally unbeknownst to you, your man is not as loving as he once was. You don't know about the affair or what he's telling the whore he's sleeping with. You don't know what she advises him to do in between blow jobs. He does know all of this so he must assuage his conscience and justify his behavior by throwing it back on you. Jealousy with no good reason is a big red flag, no matter what the circumstance may be.
3. The truth is 100 times worse than to what a liar admits. The slightest admission is a sure indicator of a cheating man. He may say that he gave her a ride home, but he leaves out the true, hideous events.
4. He has demonized the world. He usually begins with friends and moves on to your family, co-workers and neighbors. If you're lucky, you might have friends who know you well enough to ignore his stories, but far too many people will believe, to some extent, the lies he puts forth. Enough of the truth is entangled in the lies to make the stories believable. Do NOT Friend these people on Facebook.
5. You sit and watch him be pleasant to other people and when the two of you are alone, he is nowhere NEAR as pleasant to you. You seem to be the person he dislikes the most.
6. Along with being "disliked", you are never enjoyed. No matter how pleasant you are, there is always something to remove all chance for a nice time. Right then, you are in the last place you would ever choose to be, even behind a fart walking old man, you know...those farts that announce every step you take? My personal record is 8 steps in the fart-walking challenge. You're in a place that totally lacks smiles and all you can think of is that sitting alone in an emergency room waiting room would be more fun than listening to someone moan, bitch and whine about the most off the wall things that don't concern you in the least? If they DO concern you, you are expected to defend yourself in some way when you know damn well, you did nothing wrong.
7. A liar gets away with a LOT of lies before he gets caught so the numbers are on the liars' side. When you know you're dealing with a liar, you "listen" to them while thinking, "This all bullshit, I wish I had my earphones". If you know for a fact that your partner has lied, never, ever make judgments based on what they say. That's manipulation in it's purest form.
8. Eventually, he has something nasty to say about every single person known to the two of you. 100% of the time, he will say nasty things about you to others. You have no idea who he has told lies and what the lies are. This is how he will behave after he has assessed your boundaries and made note of your buttons.
9. He verbally states his status of payee to who you owe much. This type of man will have you believe that giving your life to him is nothing. He feels superior in what he perceives as his charitable nature for which you owe him something (everything?). Your mind, soul and body is obviously worthless and nothing.
10. You remember being loved by various men over the years. The difference is devastatingly blatant and, relatively speaking, borders on mistreatment.
I am what I am. If you like me, let's go have a laugh. If not, have a nice life, with your own personal sun always shining.
posted by Meg Kelso | 10:22 AM
3 Comments:
I really like your thoughts on this. My husband cheated last year, and I really have no idea how to trust anymore. He doesn't seem to have all of these tendencies, but definitely a lot. Now how to walk away...literally and figuratively
Great question and one I will address later on today. But basically, you think about what you would tell your daughter or best friend if she were in the same predicament. What would you tell her? Be your own best friend.
Thanks for the post. This is very helpful...
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