PRACTICING FOR COURT:

Yes, your honor, Rick is a liar and a cheat. He is also an abusive bully. His penis is truly twisted and misshapen. It also has a problem, it doesn't work for any length of time. I tried to fix it but it only went faster. That would be good for a drive through window, but not for a penis. He sits on the couch picking his nose without a care in the world. Is that grounds for divorce? Or would you just classify it under emotional abuse?

Anyway, he isn't too bright but he is amazingly cunning. How do people who are so stupid lie so well? I'm sorry, your honor, I digress. He also has a butt wiping problem as evidenced by his underpants, I doubt the court can remedy that, his mother didn't try and I couldn't get him to do it. He blamed it on his hairy ass but I have a lot of hair on my head and there is no shit in it. He started brushing his teeth daily and he was busted! Only one of his tramps du jour would evoke dental hygiene from him. He left me carless, jobless, and in very poor health. BUT...at least he left.

OK, I think I am ready.