Meg...
...I have a blog question for you. What is the difference between being forgiving and being a doormat?
Great question. Easy answer. The first time you are forgiving. After that, you become a volunteer. You have to cut them some slack for the stupid man/petty female stuff. But if they either:
A. Continue to do things that they know annoy, hurt or anger you,
or
B. Continually forget to do things that they know would make you happy.
...you have a problem.
That last one gets overlooked. Say you like to make out spontaneously (this could be anything at all that makes you feel good: about yourself or about the relationship.). You have told your lover that you enjoy that occasionally. Maybe you have told him a few times. Certainly you have initiated your share of intimate moments. It’s just that it makes you feel wanted and special to have him make out with you on the spur of the moment. You’ve made that perfectly clear in a loving way.
Enough time goes by that you are feeling pretty rejected. You decide to mention it again. The response sounds something like this, “It’s just not me, I don’t think of things like that. I’m not “so and so”, don’t expect me to act like I am. I care about you, I just don’t THINK of making out until you say something!” There will be a reference to the “I just don’t think of it, does that make me bad?” kind of logic. That argument speaks volumes.
What I hear when a man says that is, “I don’t enjoy doing whatever it is and I don’t care enough about you to go out of my way to do it.
When someone cares so little about your feelings that they cannot avoid hurting them repeatedly, they are sending you a message. When you love someone you go out of your way to avoid hurting them, by your words, your actions or your lack of action. You deserve someone who loves you like that. We all do.
I don't even remember learning The Truth About The Easter Bunny --I think I was so traumatized by learning The Truth About Santa Claus
You know, I don’t remember learning the truth about Santa myself. I do remember spotting him once in our kitchen. It was early dawn and I could only make out his silhouette but he was talking on the phone with his big round belly sticking out. Maybe he was calling to tell them that my mother was still pregnant so they had to return my brother’s toys. That morning I also saw one of Santa’s elves, sitting in my brand new beauty salon chair that came equipped with a head to practice hair-dos on.
Great stories/memories! When I read the part about the blind lady and the rabbit I actually laughed out loud! Thanks for sharing!
I’ve got a million stories like those. That’s why I love working with the elderly, they are so much fun. Surprisingly, it is the nursing job with the greatest potential for the unexpected...especially on a full moon!!!!
So the years after that I helped hide the eggs.
Yep, we are all either egg hiders or egg searchers. Ah, to be an egg searcher again!
You mention Santa Rosa. Is this a true story? Just curious...
The story was allegorical. I used Santa Rosa because I used to live in Petaluma and my son was born at Santa Rosa Memorial. Wayne is a combination of many men I have known over the years. I used to be Kelly. :)
Well, folks, I don’t know what is going on with my divorce. As I said, I accepted his first offer and thought we had an agreement. But then I received an invitation to mediation. I called my attorney’s office to find out what was going on. Nobody has called me back as of yet. Also, I received a subpoena to appear at a jury trial for the domestic violence thing on Monday morning. Then, yesterday I was told that I didn’t have to go to court on Monday and I was given a number to call to find out why. I called it and left a voice mail. No one has called me back from THAT office either. So, I am just as confused as I can be.
But, it is a holiday weekend and my daughter and her best friend are visiting from Chicago, my son just walked in the door looking for food and my step-mother is waiting for a BLT I promised to make her so I have to go act as though I have a house full of people. I will check back in soon! Oh, by the way, I haven’t heard anything definitively but I am under the impression that the article should be out any day now. Here is the link:
www.ajc.com
See ya!
Meg
...I have a blog question for you. What is the difference between being forgiving and being a doormat?
Great question. Easy answer. The first time you are forgiving. After that, you become a volunteer. You have to cut them some slack for the stupid man/petty female stuff. But if they either:
A. Continue to do things that they know annoy, hurt or anger you,
or
B. Continually forget to do things that they know would make you happy.
...you have a problem.
That last one gets overlooked. Say you like to make out spontaneously (this could be anything at all that makes you feel good: about yourself or about the relationship.). You have told your lover that you enjoy that occasionally. Maybe you have told him a few times. Certainly you have initiated your share of intimate moments. It’s just that it makes you feel wanted and special to have him make out with you on the spur of the moment. You’ve made that perfectly clear in a loving way.
Enough time goes by that you are feeling pretty rejected. You decide to mention it again. The response sounds something like this, “It’s just not me, I don’t think of things like that. I’m not “so and so”, don’t expect me to act like I am. I care about you, I just don’t THINK of making out until you say something!” There will be a reference to the “I just don’t think of it, does that make me bad?” kind of logic. That argument speaks volumes.
What I hear when a man says that is, “I don’t enjoy doing whatever it is and I don’t care enough about you to go out of my way to do it.
When someone cares so little about your feelings that they cannot avoid hurting them repeatedly, they are sending you a message. When you love someone you go out of your way to avoid hurting them, by your words, your actions or your lack of action. You deserve someone who loves you like that. We all do.
I don't even remember learning The Truth About The Easter Bunny --I think I was so traumatized by learning The Truth About Santa Claus
You know, I don’t remember learning the truth about Santa myself. I do remember spotting him once in our kitchen. It was early dawn and I could only make out his silhouette but he was talking on the phone with his big round belly sticking out. Maybe he was calling to tell them that my mother was still pregnant so they had to return my brother’s toys. That morning I also saw one of Santa’s elves, sitting in my brand new beauty salon chair that came equipped with a head to practice hair-dos on.
Great stories/memories! When I read the part about the blind lady and the rabbit I actually laughed out loud! Thanks for sharing!
I’ve got a million stories like those. That’s why I love working with the elderly, they are so much fun. Surprisingly, it is the nursing job with the greatest potential for the unexpected...especially on a full moon!!!!
So the years after that I helped hide the eggs.
Yep, we are all either egg hiders or egg searchers. Ah, to be an egg searcher again!
You mention Santa Rosa. Is this a true story? Just curious...
The story was allegorical. I used Santa Rosa because I used to live in Petaluma and my son was born at Santa Rosa Memorial. Wayne is a combination of many men I have known over the years. I used to be Kelly. :)
Well, folks, I don’t know what is going on with my divorce. As I said, I accepted his first offer and thought we had an agreement. But then I received an invitation to mediation. I called my attorney’s office to find out what was going on. Nobody has called me back as of yet. Also, I received a subpoena to appear at a jury trial for the domestic violence thing on Monday morning. Then, yesterday I was told that I didn’t have to go to court on Monday and I was given a number to call to find out why. I called it and left a voice mail. No one has called me back from THAT office either. So, I am just as confused as I can be.
But, it is a holiday weekend and my daughter and her best friend are visiting from Chicago, my son just walked in the door looking for food and my step-mother is waiting for a BLT I promised to make her so I have to go act as though I have a house full of people. I will check back in soon! Oh, by the way, I haven’t heard anything definitively but I am under the impression that the article should be out any day now. Here is the link:
www.ajc.com
See ya!
Meg
posted by Meg Kelso | 4:14 PM
1 Comments:
Great answer, Meg. I'm going to print it out an staple it on the cowboy's forehead the next time I see him :o) Thank you!
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