Meg...
"...How do you tell people that your husband hits you?...."
I won’t put the entire letter up there but to answer your question, you just do. You find someone that you trust. It doesn’t matter who it is, just as long as you trust them. You might have to say it out loud a few times when you are alone to get used to the words but you pretty much just spit it out. It can be bad if it only happens rarely, nobdoy expects it from those quiet ones. I kinda let myself get sucked in gradually, too. But your thinking really does get distorted. Like I keep saying, one of the worst things was my loss of perception. I actually remember thinking that he must really care for me or he wouldn’t get so angry. How messed up is that? I think your perception is a little askew right now.
There is no excuse, and their ability to make it seem like it’s your fault is really scary. It puts the blame back on you and you somehow believe that you have to stay. I don’t know why we do that, I just know we do. We all put up with things that we shouldn’t every so often. But some of us get stuck in a holding pattern. I hate that.
You just need to speak to someone you can trust. Most people will help you see things a bit better. And, yeah, there are a lot of good days in any relationship. After so much time, there has to be some good...but it should never get so bad that someone hurts you on purpose. Vex outweighed me by 100 pounds and that was a little frightening.
Once, when I was in my twenties, I took an overdose of valium. I knew it was a safe level...they were two milligrams and I only had 18 of them. I got pretty tired but other than that, I was fine. My ex insisted on taking me to the E.R. which, if I remember correctly, was my point. I’m not really sure why I did that. Anyway, I told the doctor the truth and that I knew I didn’t take too much and that I wouldn’t have. He said something that put a stop to that silliness:
“You know, those are muscle relaxants. Your heart is a muscle. Don’t relax it too much or it will stop. You might not be serious but it could work.”
Someone who is twice your size is potentially pretty dangerous as well. If you don’t believe me, look at the look in his eyes the next time he hits you. I think you will see what I mean. It only takes once to really hurt you. He may not mean to do it. But the person behind those eyes does, if only for a second. That’s all it takes.
If you take an honest look at the guy, he usually isn’t too much to begin with. I did this once before, went out with someone who was so funky looking that I was the only idiot who didn’t see it. Now I look back and cringe a great big willy of a cringe. But I blew a lot of time slumming in the meantime.
What’s his personality like? Does he think/talk about other things and other people or does he just sit there like a blob and talk about himself and/or his hideous ex-wife? Is he basically negative? I knew better than to listen to a man who constantly spoke ill of his ex. Even years afterwards, those two couldn’t be in the same room. That says one of two things, either they are still in love or he is a jerk. He never said one kind thing about the mother of his children. Not once, in 23 years. Your email mentioned that your husband was complaining about his ex. How would you like to be the next one he is talking about as he justifies his behavior to himself and anyone who will listen to him? It’s no fun to be on the other end of a relationship like that when you are dealing with a liar.
So, just go forth and find someone you can trust. I promise that you will never be sorry. But if you don’t do it, I promise that you WILL be sorry.
Oh...
Do you know anyone who predicates a topic thusly?
This is all said with a smile and kindness in my voice.
If you do...run like hell.
Meg
"...How do you tell people that your husband hits you?...."
I won’t put the entire letter up there but to answer your question, you just do. You find someone that you trust. It doesn’t matter who it is, just as long as you trust them. You might have to say it out loud a few times when you are alone to get used to the words but you pretty much just spit it out. It can be bad if it only happens rarely, nobdoy expects it from those quiet ones. I kinda let myself get sucked in gradually, too. But your thinking really does get distorted. Like I keep saying, one of the worst things was my loss of perception. I actually remember thinking that he must really care for me or he wouldn’t get so angry. How messed up is that? I think your perception is a little askew right now.
There is no excuse, and their ability to make it seem like it’s your fault is really scary. It puts the blame back on you and you somehow believe that you have to stay. I don’t know why we do that, I just know we do. We all put up with things that we shouldn’t every so often. But some of us get stuck in a holding pattern. I hate that.
You just need to speak to someone you can trust. Most people will help you see things a bit better. And, yeah, there are a lot of good days in any relationship. After so much time, there has to be some good...but it should never get so bad that someone hurts you on purpose. Vex outweighed me by 100 pounds and that was a little frightening.
Once, when I was in my twenties, I took an overdose of valium. I knew it was a safe level...they were two milligrams and I only had 18 of them. I got pretty tired but other than that, I was fine. My ex insisted on taking me to the E.R. which, if I remember correctly, was my point. I’m not really sure why I did that. Anyway, I told the doctor the truth and that I knew I didn’t take too much and that I wouldn’t have. He said something that put a stop to that silliness:
“You know, those are muscle relaxants. Your heart is a muscle. Don’t relax it too much or it will stop. You might not be serious but it could work.”
Someone who is twice your size is potentially pretty dangerous as well. If you don’t believe me, look at the look in his eyes the next time he hits you. I think you will see what I mean. It only takes once to really hurt you. He may not mean to do it. But the person behind those eyes does, if only for a second. That’s all it takes.
If you take an honest look at the guy, he usually isn’t too much to begin with. I did this once before, went out with someone who was so funky looking that I was the only idiot who didn’t see it. Now I look back and cringe a great big willy of a cringe. But I blew a lot of time slumming in the meantime.
What’s his personality like? Does he think/talk about other things and other people or does he just sit there like a blob and talk about himself and/or his hideous ex-wife? Is he basically negative? I knew better than to listen to a man who constantly spoke ill of his ex. Even years afterwards, those two couldn’t be in the same room. That says one of two things, either they are still in love or he is a jerk. He never said one kind thing about the mother of his children. Not once, in 23 years. Your email mentioned that your husband was complaining about his ex. How would you like to be the next one he is talking about as he justifies his behavior to himself and anyone who will listen to him? It’s no fun to be on the other end of a relationship like that when you are dealing with a liar.
So, just go forth and find someone you can trust. I promise that you will never be sorry. But if you don’t do it, I promise that you WILL be sorry.
Oh...
Do you know anyone who predicates a topic thusly?
This is all said with a smile and kindness in my voice.
If you do...run like hell.
Meg
posted by Meg Kelso | 3:23 PM
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