You know...
This blog is called Diary of my Divorce and sex is an issue in divorce...in that you can’t have it. Right at this very moment, I am having a really, really hard time with that little tenet. Does that ever happen to you in the middle of the day for no good reason? (Don’t worry, I won’t ask how you handle THAT one.)
But, I swear to God, I feel sorry for the first poor bastard I get hold of. By the way, I am taking applications...I don’t know when the job will open up but it should be no later than the start of baseball season. Actually, a baseball player would be good. But, it is NOT mandatory.
It just doesn’t seem right that a woman can get dumped for another...whatever she is...and the woman can’t do anything without being in violation of some supposedly sacred oath. How’s that for irony?
I don’t remember the last time I went this long without it. As a matter of fact, I don’t think I ever have, ever since Reno anyway. It’s possible that I came close, I think 6 months is my personal record and we are WAY past the 6 month mark. Actually, it is 6 months, 9 days, 14 hours and about 20 minutes...and counting.
Ain’t that a bitch?
You might wonder why I don’t just secretly grab myself some guy and get it over with. I’ve thought of that, but I don’t have that kind of luck. Bruce Springsteen would drive a car into the room I was doing it in. And then I would be so busy looking for holes that could have a hidden camera that it wouldn’t be any fun anyway.
Don’t even mention a cold shower, that's just stupid. My nipples would get so hard from the cold that they would just fall off and then I wouldn’t be able to do anything even when I am allowed to. I wouldn't want to have to say...“Well, I was feeling particularly frisky one day and had to take a cold shower...my nipples got so hard they actually fell off and down the drain before I could catch them.” All this nipple talk isn’t helping the matter.
When I asked how the reporter heard about the blog, she said that a colleague told her about it. It was a guy and since so many of you are guys that I was curious as to what he thought of it. I asked her and she replied, “Well, he was surprised at how much you said about yourself.” I bet his ass is good and surprised now.
So there. Now the entire world knows that I am horny...and I don’t care.
Send the applications to IWasAlone@aol.com. Make it good...I deserve it.
Meg
This blog is called Diary of my Divorce and sex is an issue in divorce...in that you can’t have it. Right at this very moment, I am having a really, really hard time with that little tenet. Does that ever happen to you in the middle of the day for no good reason? (Don’t worry, I won’t ask how you handle THAT one.)
But, I swear to God, I feel sorry for the first poor bastard I get hold of. By the way, I am taking applications...I don’t know when the job will open up but it should be no later than the start of baseball season. Actually, a baseball player would be good. But, it is NOT mandatory.
It just doesn’t seem right that a woman can get dumped for another...whatever she is...and the woman can’t do anything without being in violation of some supposedly sacred oath. How’s that for irony?
I don’t remember the last time I went this long without it. As a matter of fact, I don’t think I ever have, ever since Reno anyway. It’s possible that I came close, I think 6 months is my personal record and we are WAY past the 6 month mark. Actually, it is 6 months, 9 days, 14 hours and about 20 minutes...and counting.
Ain’t that a bitch?
You might wonder why I don’t just secretly grab myself some guy and get it over with. I’ve thought of that, but I don’t have that kind of luck. Bruce Springsteen would drive a car into the room I was doing it in. And then I would be so busy looking for holes that could have a hidden camera that it wouldn’t be any fun anyway.
Don’t even mention a cold shower, that's just stupid. My nipples would get so hard from the cold that they would just fall off and then I wouldn’t be able to do anything even when I am allowed to. I wouldn't want to have to say...“Well, I was feeling particularly frisky one day and had to take a cold shower...my nipples got so hard they actually fell off and down the drain before I could catch them.” All this nipple talk isn’t helping the matter.
When I asked how the reporter heard about the blog, she said that a colleague told her about it. It was a guy and since so many of you are guys that I was curious as to what he thought of it. I asked her and she replied, “Well, he was surprised at how much you said about yourself.” I bet his ass is good and surprised now.
So there. Now the entire world knows that I am horny...and I don’t care.
Send the applications to IWasAlone@aol.com. Make it good...I deserve it.
Meg
posted by Meg Kelso | 9:44 AM
8 Comments:
Oh my goodness! A pot of gold just waiting to be plucked. You never know when the utility man will show up. The phone man does not come anymore. Oh my goodness! Oh.
Rechargeable batteries. That's all I'm sayin'.
Its 5 am... can't sleep as usual... found
yer blog from some bizzare half porn half
humor site. Anyway... so whats the deal.
As Green Day once said "when masterbations lost its fun yer fuckin'
losin'". Its okay for a while... ya wank off ... yet you remain somehow unfullfilled. Gotta have that TOUCH from another. Smell ...
yada yada... Thanks to our good friend testosterone, we guys would take a flying fuck at a rolling doughnut. So its been 6 months eh? Thats nothing... I've gone years without it.
YEARS!!???!!!?
I didn't even know THAT was an option!
Meg
I've gotta tell you Meg, if it gets really bad, go on birth control pills. No joke, they'll strip the sex drive right out of you! But other than that, I got to agree with Stacey, batteries.... Don't you remember how much trouble a man was? You'd have him for what you need, but what would you do with him once you were done? Nah, too much trouble!
BOB you need a BOB. Batery Operated Boyfriend. He is right where you put him when you are done, he doesnt cheat, doesnt lie, doesnt snore, burp or fart. Doesnt bitch doesnt moand and is always ready and willing when you are!!! And of course as the other ladies said rechargeable abtteries ;)
yeah, does BOB come with an attachment that takes out the garbage?
... and does he have a tongue?
(Or are we really just a little bit indispensable after all?)
Furriner...sorry no not ALL are indispensable. Just the ones Meg, myself and Stacey were lucky enough to get ahold of!
No tongue on Bob and he doesnt take the trash out, but neither did my ex, so I am used to it!
I just suggested "Bob" to Meg because hey we all have needs and I dont know if she is really ready to dive right in with everything else she still has going on. Just passin on a little friendly advice.
I know not all men are liars and cheaters...so dont think I am a man hater!
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