There are reasons why we have rules...
...I just received an e-mail that led to a phone call and I’m more convinced than ever that it’s a really, really good idea for grown men to stay away from teen-aged girls. (And teen-aged boys, the reasoning is all the same.) You wouldn’t think you would ever have to worry about some things, but you do. This young girl told me that her neighbors' husband was hitting on her. She never even considered him an option until he started playing footsies under the table with her while she was having dinner with the family. Before he did this, she innately knew that it was unacceptable and the thought never crossed her mind.
Now, if you have a daughter or a sister or a niece or just a very young friend, you should know something about how THEY think so that you can try to figure out what they might do next. As I said, it had never occurred to this 16 year old girl that a 29 year old married man would be an option. That’s because she was very naive before she ran into this creep...she isn’t anymore.
The girl was sort of feeling left to fend for herself and she wasn’t having a very easy time of it. Her parents were busy with their jobs and there was just nobody there. She was a good kid and never went out much...her parents could always count on her to be where she was supposed to be. So, they really didn’t question her very much, although she wouldn’t have minded if they had. Anyway, that’s where she was when this guy started playing footsies under the table. She didn’t quite know how to process that...she took it as a compliment.
Since she didn’t stop the foot play, he went on the attack. He seemed to understand her or this wouldn’t have worked. Anyway, he eventually got her to drive away with him and he gave her what was her very first alcohol. He complimented her so much that she didn't hesitate to do what he asked her to do, and he asked her to drink. He drove around while she was drinking and then he took her to a mall parking lot and started making out with her. They ended up in the back seat and she remembers little more than saying “No.” over and over again. She believes he took advantage of her while she was drinking...I think it was something much worse.
Now this girl has to live next to this man and help maintain the friendly relationship that this man’s wife share’s with the girl’s mother. She has to act as though there is nothing wrong and she refuses to call the police because she is afraid of what her friends...and her on again/off again high school sweet heart (with whom she has NEVER had sex), would say. The most I could get her to promise was that she would call a scool counselor and ask if she can come in and remain anonymous if she speaks about what happened. I hope they let her come in and talk without forcing her to call the police immediately, but I have a feeling that they will want to. I certainly would.
They probably will want to call the police because they know that this guy could do it again. This fool, and many like him, live all over the world and nobody seems to know but the victims. I don't understand how a wife could not know...but I HAVE seen it happen, the guys are just very good at what they do and nobody expects such behavior...EVER. If a nice, well meaning man would have given this kid just a little bit of self confidence as opposed to giving her complete and utter indifference, she wouldn’t have been so vulnerable. That’s nobody’s fault, it just is. There’s only one person at fault here and he’s still out there. We have to arm our kids with self esteem so that they can use it to protect themselves from predators like this guy.
In the meantime, we have to know what the predators know. Young kids who feel as though nobody is paying attention, especially the very good kids, are the most defenseless. They are easy to influence and they are very timid about reporting such things. They ARE good kids after all, they don’t want to disappoint their parents. We should really let them know that they couldn’t possibly disappoint us. They don’t have the power at that age and that’s why they are such good prey . This girl took such an offensive action as the footsy thing and considered it something positive...because there was nothing else positive there. Her little mind just couldn’t process it for what it was. And THAT’S why we should have rules against such things.
And you know...I have a feeling this was the end to more than just her innocence.
See ya,
Meg
...I just received an e-mail that led to a phone call and I’m more convinced than ever that it’s a really, really good idea for grown men to stay away from teen-aged girls. (And teen-aged boys, the reasoning is all the same.) You wouldn’t think you would ever have to worry about some things, but you do. This young girl told me that her neighbors' husband was hitting on her. She never even considered him an option until he started playing footsies under the table with her while she was having dinner with the family. Before he did this, she innately knew that it was unacceptable and the thought never crossed her mind.
Now, if you have a daughter or a sister or a niece or just a very young friend, you should know something about how THEY think so that you can try to figure out what they might do next. As I said, it had never occurred to this 16 year old girl that a 29 year old married man would be an option. That’s because she was very naive before she ran into this creep...she isn’t anymore.
The girl was sort of feeling left to fend for herself and she wasn’t having a very easy time of it. Her parents were busy with their jobs and there was just nobody there. She was a good kid and never went out much...her parents could always count on her to be where she was supposed to be. So, they really didn’t question her very much, although she wouldn’t have minded if they had. Anyway, that’s where she was when this guy started playing footsies under the table. She didn’t quite know how to process that...she took it as a compliment.
Since she didn’t stop the foot play, he went on the attack. He seemed to understand her or this wouldn’t have worked. Anyway, he eventually got her to drive away with him and he gave her what was her very first alcohol. He complimented her so much that she didn't hesitate to do what he asked her to do, and he asked her to drink. He drove around while she was drinking and then he took her to a mall parking lot and started making out with her. They ended up in the back seat and she remembers little more than saying “No.” over and over again. She believes he took advantage of her while she was drinking...I think it was something much worse.
Now this girl has to live next to this man and help maintain the friendly relationship that this man’s wife share’s with the girl’s mother. She has to act as though there is nothing wrong and she refuses to call the police because she is afraid of what her friends...and her on again/off again high school sweet heart (with whom she has NEVER had sex), would say. The most I could get her to promise was that she would call a scool counselor and ask if she can come in and remain anonymous if she speaks about what happened. I hope they let her come in and talk without forcing her to call the police immediately, but I have a feeling that they will want to. I certainly would.
They probably will want to call the police because they know that this guy could do it again. This fool, and many like him, live all over the world and nobody seems to know but the victims. I don't understand how a wife could not know...but I HAVE seen it happen, the guys are just very good at what they do and nobody expects such behavior...EVER. If a nice, well meaning man would have given this kid just a little bit of self confidence as opposed to giving her complete and utter indifference, she wouldn’t have been so vulnerable. That’s nobody’s fault, it just is. There’s only one person at fault here and he’s still out there. We have to arm our kids with self esteem so that they can use it to protect themselves from predators like this guy.
In the meantime, we have to know what the predators know. Young kids who feel as though nobody is paying attention, especially the very good kids, are the most defenseless. They are easy to influence and they are very timid about reporting such things. They ARE good kids after all, they don’t want to disappoint their parents. We should really let them know that they couldn’t possibly disappoint us. They don’t have the power at that age and that’s why they are such good prey . This girl took such an offensive action as the footsy thing and considered it something positive...because there was nothing else positive there. Her little mind just couldn’t process it for what it was. And THAT’S why we should have rules against such things.
And you know...I have a feeling this was the end to more than just her innocence.
See ya,
Meg
posted by Meg Kelso | 8:29 AM
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