Good morning...
...sorry to be so rare yesterday. I had to go to the hospital....no biggie, just a few more tests. I don't really enjoy those, but they aren't so bad. It could certainly be a lot worse.
I watched a movie the other day called White Noise. It really freaked me out. I've since heard that it received mixed reviews and I understand why, it was a little tough to follow but mostly because of the viewers' own conclusions, you keep trying to figure out who the bad guys are...Well, I don't want to give much away, but it was worth watching and it did freak me out to the point where I closed my blinds and every door in the house so the ghost couldn't just walk through them. Yeah, that makes sense, doesn't it? It's one of those freaky movies that actually has to do with televisions so when my TV went off halfway through the movie for no apparent reason, I naturally assumed my mother was reaching out to me from the grave. I wonder why ghosts, even the ghost of your very own mother...would freak anyone out? I'd like to speak to my mom, I miss her something awful. But, if she suddenly appeared in my kitchen, I'd have to scream and run away.
Some people are still lucky enough to have their mothers, I envy you. I see children who are so cruel to their mothers that you would think that they thought they would get another one after theirs dies. No parent is perfect and neither were mine. But, I learned something a very long time ago. That is, that on any given day of your parents' life, he or she did the best that they could with the tools that they had. They certainly don't hurt their children on purpose, it's just that they are human and at times, they aren't the perfect creatures that we expect them to be. My mother did things that made me so angry that I actually "hated" her at the time. But, thank God, I never stayed very angry at her for very long. If I had known how little time I would have with her, I wouldn't have wasted the time that I did.
My mom and I had a rocky relationship for most of our lives. I could list all sorts of things that she did to hurt me...but I forgave her years ago, when I saw her for what she was, a frightened woman who didn't know how to handle the roadblocks that life had sent her way. And, what good would it do to list the things that we did to each other? In the whole scheme of things, none of it was so bad that we ignored the one fact that made the rest of it insignificant. We were mother and child...and for good or bad, that is a love that is worth more than any other.
Family is so important, they will be there for your entire life, forgiving, celebrating, arguing, loving and eventually mourning. There is no other relationship in the world that will outlast that of a family...Especially mother and child. But when we do things that hurt each other, we take it out harder on each other than we would anyone else who had done the same thing. I guess it's because we expect so much more from them, but remember? They are only human.
The last time I saw my mother, she was sick in her bed. I was trying to help her and she said something so nasty, something that only a mother could say, who else knows what buttons to push so easily? I, another imperfect human, responded with my own sharp tongue. That little exchange was dismissed immediately and we enjoyed the rest of our visit.
Unfortunately, the words had, indeed, been spoken and I will have to live with the guilt of what I said for the rest of my life. It is my single greatest regret.
I live a little easier knowing that my mother did love me, and that she forgave me immediately. When our kids hurt us, we hurt more for them than for ourselves. We know that they will someday live to regret the things that they said and that hurts us more than what they said in the first place. That's the same reason that so many of us don't disrespect our kids' other parent, we know that they will remember what we said long after the other parent is gone. Why a parent would steal the love and respect that a child has for it's other parent is beyond me. The harm that these things do is immeasurable.
Parents who try to destroy, harm, block or even meddle with, the relationship that their child has with the other parent are parents of the most selfish nature. In exchange for petty behavior and perceived "victories" along life's way, they will take a chance that their child will have to, someday, stand at the casket of the parent that was stolen, demeaned, disrespected, arrested with no good cause, harassed and despised...and wonder how they let it all happen. They will live with guilt and/or anger for the rest of their lives. And the anger WILL NOT be at the parent who is dead...if anything, they will become more idolized in the eyes of the child. Rather, the anger will be directed at those who tried to destroy the lost parent on a daily basis, or worse yet, at the child himself.
The child (whether he is 14 or 40) will live with a feeling that will hurt far worse than any perceived pain inflicted upon the deceased parent. So, weighing the pain scales, far too many people choose the immediate gratification of belittling the person with whom they created a life...and that life is not as important to them as is the current opportunity to trash the relationship that every child deserves.
I have watched far too many women accusing the father's of their children with the most despicable acts, things that just fly out of their mouths at the appropriate times. And men, once they marry another woman, turn on their family like everyone involved had changed from the people that they known and loved at one time. Far too many new spouses manipulate entire families and they are allowed to do it! That's what I find the most difficult to believe...how could a loving father all of a sudden change their view as regards their children? Because of some other woman, who, chances are, won't be around forever?
Being the humans that we are, we all fail at times as parents. But there are some things that we can easily avoid. We can avoid destroying the relationship that our child shares with it's other parent. We can avoid the urge to speak ill and remind our kids to be good to their mother or father no matter what. And we do that out of the love that we have for our children and for our desire to see them grow up to live happy, grudgefree, guiltfree lives.
As bad as a parent can be, barring physical abuse, if they are still alive, you have more than you could ever know. They've always been there, so you have no reason to believe that they won't always be there. But, die they do. And if they do so while you are angry at them or estranged from them, you may very well feel justified. But if you never get the chance to make amends, sooner or later the regret and guilt that you live with for the rest of your life will be so much worse than the anger that you feel today. That's what makes a parent hurt when their child is spiteful to them, the knowledge that they will someday live to wish that they had never been so full of anger and self-righteousness.
Oh well, whatever. I'm done with that for today. We got very little of that storm, not even a downed branch which is lucky because I have quite a few large, half dead trees out there. If you want them, come and get them.
See ya,
Meg
...sorry to be so rare yesterday. I had to go to the hospital....no biggie, just a few more tests. I don't really enjoy those, but they aren't so bad. It could certainly be a lot worse.
I watched a movie the other day called White Noise. It really freaked me out. I've since heard that it received mixed reviews and I understand why, it was a little tough to follow but mostly because of the viewers' own conclusions, you keep trying to figure out who the bad guys are...Well, I don't want to give much away, but it was worth watching and it did freak me out to the point where I closed my blinds and every door in the house so the ghost couldn't just walk through them. Yeah, that makes sense, doesn't it? It's one of those freaky movies that actually has to do with televisions so when my TV went off halfway through the movie for no apparent reason, I naturally assumed my mother was reaching out to me from the grave. I wonder why ghosts, even the ghost of your very own mother...would freak anyone out? I'd like to speak to my mom, I miss her something awful. But, if she suddenly appeared in my kitchen, I'd have to scream and run away.
Some people are still lucky enough to have their mothers, I envy you. I see children who are so cruel to their mothers that you would think that they thought they would get another one after theirs dies. No parent is perfect and neither were mine. But, I learned something a very long time ago. That is, that on any given day of your parents' life, he or she did the best that they could with the tools that they had. They certainly don't hurt their children on purpose, it's just that they are human and at times, they aren't the perfect creatures that we expect them to be. My mother did things that made me so angry that I actually "hated" her at the time. But, thank God, I never stayed very angry at her for very long. If I had known how little time I would have with her, I wouldn't have wasted the time that I did.
My mom and I had a rocky relationship for most of our lives. I could list all sorts of things that she did to hurt me...but I forgave her years ago, when I saw her for what she was, a frightened woman who didn't know how to handle the roadblocks that life had sent her way. And, what good would it do to list the things that we did to each other? In the whole scheme of things, none of it was so bad that we ignored the one fact that made the rest of it insignificant. We were mother and child...and for good or bad, that is a love that is worth more than any other.
Family is so important, they will be there for your entire life, forgiving, celebrating, arguing, loving and eventually mourning. There is no other relationship in the world that will outlast that of a family...Especially mother and child. But when we do things that hurt each other, we take it out harder on each other than we would anyone else who had done the same thing. I guess it's because we expect so much more from them, but remember? They are only human.
The last time I saw my mother, she was sick in her bed. I was trying to help her and she said something so nasty, something that only a mother could say, who else knows what buttons to push so easily? I, another imperfect human, responded with my own sharp tongue. That little exchange was dismissed immediately and we enjoyed the rest of our visit.
Unfortunately, the words had, indeed, been spoken and I will have to live with the guilt of what I said for the rest of my life. It is my single greatest regret.
I live a little easier knowing that my mother did love me, and that she forgave me immediately. When our kids hurt us, we hurt more for them than for ourselves. We know that they will someday live to regret the things that they said and that hurts us more than what they said in the first place. That's the same reason that so many of us don't disrespect our kids' other parent, we know that they will remember what we said long after the other parent is gone. Why a parent would steal the love and respect that a child has for it's other parent is beyond me. The harm that these things do is immeasurable.
Parents who try to destroy, harm, block or even meddle with, the relationship that their child has with the other parent are parents of the most selfish nature. In exchange for petty behavior and perceived "victories" along life's way, they will take a chance that their child will have to, someday, stand at the casket of the parent that was stolen, demeaned, disrespected, arrested with no good cause, harassed and despised...and wonder how they let it all happen. They will live with guilt and/or anger for the rest of their lives. And the anger WILL NOT be at the parent who is dead...if anything, they will become more idolized in the eyes of the child. Rather, the anger will be directed at those who tried to destroy the lost parent on a daily basis, or worse yet, at the child himself.
The child (whether he is 14 or 40) will live with a feeling that will hurt far worse than any perceived pain inflicted upon the deceased parent. So, weighing the pain scales, far too many people choose the immediate gratification of belittling the person with whom they created a life...and that life is not as important to them as is the current opportunity to trash the relationship that every child deserves.
I have watched far too many women accusing the father's of their children with the most despicable acts, things that just fly out of their mouths at the appropriate times. And men, once they marry another woman, turn on their family like everyone involved had changed from the people that they known and loved at one time. Far too many new spouses manipulate entire families and they are allowed to do it! That's what I find the most difficult to believe...how could a loving father all of a sudden change their view as regards their children? Because of some other woman, who, chances are, won't be around forever?
Being the humans that we are, we all fail at times as parents. But there are some things that we can easily avoid. We can avoid destroying the relationship that our child shares with it's other parent. We can avoid the urge to speak ill and remind our kids to be good to their mother or father no matter what. And we do that out of the love that we have for our children and for our desire to see them grow up to live happy, grudgefree, guiltfree lives.
As bad as a parent can be, barring physical abuse, if they are still alive, you have more than you could ever know. They've always been there, so you have no reason to believe that they won't always be there. But, die they do. And if they do so while you are angry at them or estranged from them, you may very well feel justified. But if you never get the chance to make amends, sooner or later the regret and guilt that you live with for the rest of your life will be so much worse than the anger that you feel today. That's what makes a parent hurt when their child is spiteful to them, the knowledge that they will someday live to wish that they had never been so full of anger and self-righteousness.
Oh well, whatever. I'm done with that for today. We got very little of that storm, not even a downed branch which is lucky because I have quite a few large, half dead trees out there. If you want them, come and get them.
See ya,
Meg
posted by Meg Kelso | 4:14 AM
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