Dear Jim,
Wow! That was a great story. I like that it didn't have any Mad Dog 20 20 in it. OK, my own personal drinking story...hhhhmm, I have a couple of vague recollections which will have to take the place of one long, coherent story and then I will tell you one story that I can remember.
First, I (unfortunately) remember enough about these to know that they are true. I was drinking one night at home and I decided that I had enough so I went to bed. My husband was in the den watching TV and I walked out of the bedroom, went to the stove, opened the oven door, and then I turned around and peed on it. Not dreadfully eloquent, a must tell story when anyone asks me to tell them what wild things I have done while drunk.
Oh, one other story, I was playing Stratego and drinking beer one fine weekend day when I decided to do a shot of tequila, with the lime, salt, the whole enchilada. One of my kids walked into the house and saw me do the shot. She went outside to get her brother and came back and said, "Mom...show William what you just did!" I did. William went to get one of his friends and he said, "Mom, show him what you just did." Then, the friend went and got another one and so on...and so on. Needless to say, I entertained the entire neighborhood for quite a while before I finally passed out at the dining room table.
OK, my story. Before we married, my current ex (?) and I went out dancing one night. We both ordered the same thing, a Long Island Iced Tea. Those drinks were served in carafe's and I reached up to the overhead glass holder and grabbed a highball glass and started pouring my Tea into the highball glass. I had a great time. I danced for hours and hours and was pretty clear headed for a while. I remember pouring some Tea into the highball glass from a 3/4 empty carafe. I went onto the dance floor (which had no one else on it) and started doing the twist. After a while of dancing alone, I invited my husband to come out and dance with me. He did and the last thing that I remember was
jitterbugging to Mack The Knife. Then, I woke up sometime later to the thought..."Where are my pantyhose?"
After a few moments of contemplation, I realized that my panty hose were not the only thing that I was missing that morning. I had a dreadful hangover but I had to be at a family dinner in the afternoon. I stopped off at my father's house and mentioned how rotten I felt. My step mother offered me a drink and I refused...it was one of those life altering hangovers, I was to be sober for a very long time. I told her that I had a HANGOVER!!!!! The last thing that I needed was more booze. She said to me, "Haven't you ever heard of 'hair of the dog'?"
She was right, salvation from above!!!! Not only was I soon to be feeling much better, but I was gonna have a major buzz and my dad was picking up the tab! I started drinking his liquor and felt much better within minutes. I had discovered a whole new way of life!!!! Drink all night until they say, "MARGARET!!!! We ain't got no more liquor, GO HOME!" Then, wake up and drink all friggin day!!!
I started this drunk on Absolut, I'm nothing if not choosy when it came to drunken binges. Anyway, I drank enough to be one extremely happy little female at the family dinner (in-laws house, not my own family). Of course, I wasn't hungry, I was wasted. So...who needs food?!?! I had myself dealt into a hand of poker at the table with the men. When I overheard one of the whiny ass wenches from the living room say, "Why is Margie playing poker with the boys? I don't understand that....why would she do that?" I shouted the answer to her, "Margie doesn't want to sit in the living room cleaning up little brats and keeping them quiet so that the men can have FUN!!!!! I need another drink!"
When I lost all of my money, I borrowed money from all the little kids that I had called "brats" that I had just insulted. They knew I was good for it. I sat back down at the table and my luck changed, as it had done that morning with the comment, "Hair of the dog". So, the last hand of the game was a money hand, 7 card stud or something like that. I was winning and in the most obnoxious manner possible. In the last hand, I stayed in til it got down to me and my father-in-law. I eventually won the hand and he wanted to see my cards. That was the last time I ever let anyone look at my cards without paying.
I was bluffing. When he saw that I had stayed in a huge money hand whilst bluffing, he was rather annoyed. He turned the entire kitchen table over on it's side. My husband got someone to watch the kids and took me out of the house. I had just won back most of my money and I wanted to gamble some more because of course, I am now blessed with the luck of every Irish female that ever had the misfortune to have drawn a drunken breathe. So, we headed off to the Race Track!!!!! I chose my horses as carefully as I had considered staying in that stud hand. I won a few races and then I played a dollar box on the trifecta.
That trifecta paid over 12 grand and I had a third of it. When we would go to the track, we would sit in the club house, because if we were going to lose, we would be doing so in a very nice atmosphere. I went to get my money and when I got back, I suddenly announced that I would be buying bottles of Dom for everyone in our general vicinity. My husband wasn't sure how much money I had on me so he was worried, I found out later. Anyway, I was able to pay for the Dom and then I redirected my escort to Nashville North, this country and western place back home, Chicago being home.
Now, this place is a bit of a tourist attraction, every southern man to come into Chi-town will end up at Nashville North sooner or later. To get to the dance part of this place, you have to go straight through the cowboy store. This was back after Travolta played a cowboy in some movie who's name escapes me at the moment. Remember the 80's and a little spurt of cowboy popularity? So, I am walking through the store and I see the hat that was made for me to wear, a black fedora with white lace around it and tied in a bow on one side and on that same side, it had a lovely floral arrangement and a rather large lavender father boa.
I danced all night without breaking anything, but in the morning, I noticed that my pantihose were gone.... Oh, I found that I had danced all night with the price tag hanging off of that stupid, butt-ugly, hat...I paid 65 bucks for it. I had been doing a drunken Minnie Pearl imitation the night before.
I left the price tag on the hat and hung it on a nail in my living room as a constant reminder for me NOT to go shopping when drunk.
OK then, I should go to bed. I think that the sun is about to come up and I hate seeing that. So...next question...tell me about your first kiss, the girl you kissed, how you met her and what ever happened to her.
See ya,
Meggers
Wow! That was a great story. I like that it didn't have any Mad Dog 20 20 in it. OK, my own personal drinking story...hhhhmm, I have a couple of vague recollections which will have to take the place of one long, coherent story and then I will tell you one story that I can remember.
First, I (unfortunately) remember enough about these to know that they are true. I was drinking one night at home and I decided that I had enough so I went to bed. My husband was in the den watching TV and I walked out of the bedroom, went to the stove, opened the oven door, and then I turned around and peed on it. Not dreadfully eloquent, a must tell story when anyone asks me to tell them what wild things I have done while drunk.
Oh, one other story, I was playing Stratego and drinking beer one fine weekend day when I decided to do a shot of tequila, with the lime, salt, the whole enchilada. One of my kids walked into the house and saw me do the shot. She went outside to get her brother and came back and said, "Mom...show William what you just did!" I did. William went to get one of his friends and he said, "Mom, show him what you just did." Then, the friend went and got another one and so on...and so on. Needless to say, I entertained the entire neighborhood for quite a while before I finally passed out at the dining room table.
OK, my story. Before we married, my current ex (?) and I went out dancing one night. We both ordered the same thing, a Long Island Iced Tea. Those drinks were served in carafe's and I reached up to the overhead glass holder and grabbed a highball glass and started pouring my Tea into the highball glass. I had a great time. I danced for hours and hours and was pretty clear headed for a while. I remember pouring some Tea into the highball glass from a 3/4 empty carafe. I went onto the dance floor (which had no one else on it) and started doing the twist. After a while of dancing alone, I invited my husband to come out and dance with me. He did and the last thing that I remember was
jitterbugging to Mack The Knife. Then, I woke up sometime later to the thought..."Where are my pantyhose?"
After a few moments of contemplation, I realized that my panty hose were not the only thing that I was missing that morning. I had a dreadful hangover but I had to be at a family dinner in the afternoon. I stopped off at my father's house and mentioned how rotten I felt. My step mother offered me a drink and I refused...it was one of those life altering hangovers, I was to be sober for a very long time. I told her that I had a HANGOVER!!!!! The last thing that I needed was more booze. She said to me, "Haven't you ever heard of 'hair of the dog'?"
She was right, salvation from above!!!! Not only was I soon to be feeling much better, but I was gonna have a major buzz and my dad was picking up the tab! I started drinking his liquor and felt much better within minutes. I had discovered a whole new way of life!!!! Drink all night until they say, "MARGARET!!!! We ain't got no more liquor, GO HOME!" Then, wake up and drink all friggin day!!!
I started this drunk on Absolut, I'm nothing if not choosy when it came to drunken binges. Anyway, I drank enough to be one extremely happy little female at the family dinner (in-laws house, not my own family). Of course, I wasn't hungry, I was wasted. So...who needs food?!?! I had myself dealt into a hand of poker at the table with the men. When I overheard one of the whiny ass wenches from the living room say, "Why is Margie playing poker with the boys? I don't understand that....why would she do that?" I shouted the answer to her, "Margie doesn't want to sit in the living room cleaning up little brats and keeping them quiet so that the men can have FUN!!!!! I need another drink!"
When I lost all of my money, I borrowed money from all the little kids that I had called "brats" that I had just insulted. They knew I was good for it. I sat back down at the table and my luck changed, as it had done that morning with the comment, "Hair of the dog". So, the last hand of the game was a money hand, 7 card stud or something like that. I was winning and in the most obnoxious manner possible. In the last hand, I stayed in til it got down to me and my father-in-law. I eventually won the hand and he wanted to see my cards. That was the last time I ever let anyone look at my cards without paying.
I was bluffing. When he saw that I had stayed in a huge money hand whilst bluffing, he was rather annoyed. He turned the entire kitchen table over on it's side. My husband got someone to watch the kids and took me out of the house. I had just won back most of my money and I wanted to gamble some more because of course, I am now blessed with the luck of every Irish female that ever had the misfortune to have drawn a drunken breathe. So, we headed off to the Race Track!!!!! I chose my horses as carefully as I had considered staying in that stud hand. I won a few races and then I played a dollar box on the trifecta.
That trifecta paid over 12 grand and I had a third of it. When we would go to the track, we would sit in the club house, because if we were going to lose, we would be doing so in a very nice atmosphere. I went to get my money and when I got back, I suddenly announced that I would be buying bottles of Dom for everyone in our general vicinity. My husband wasn't sure how much money I had on me so he was worried, I found out later. Anyway, I was able to pay for the Dom and then I redirected my escort to Nashville North, this country and western place back home, Chicago being home.
Now, this place is a bit of a tourist attraction, every southern man to come into Chi-town will end up at Nashville North sooner or later. To get to the dance part of this place, you have to go straight through the cowboy store. This was back after Travolta played a cowboy in some movie who's name escapes me at the moment. Remember the 80's and a little spurt of cowboy popularity? So, I am walking through the store and I see the hat that was made for me to wear, a black fedora with white lace around it and tied in a bow on one side and on that same side, it had a lovely floral arrangement and a rather large lavender father boa.
I danced all night without breaking anything, but in the morning, I noticed that my pantihose were gone.... Oh, I found that I had danced all night with the price tag hanging off of that stupid, butt-ugly, hat...I paid 65 bucks for it. I had been doing a drunken Minnie Pearl imitation the night before.
I left the price tag on the hat and hung it on a nail in my living room as a constant reminder for me NOT to go shopping when drunk.
OK then, I should go to bed. I think that the sun is about to come up and I hate seeing that. So...next question...tell me about your first kiss, the girl you kissed, how you met her and what ever happened to her.
See ya,
Meggers
posted by Meg Kelso | 8:30 PM
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