Good morning!
I guess it's almost afternoon. I just woke up. I spent a few hours on the phone last night and didn't get to bed until close to 4 am. A friend of my son's came by last night needing some antibiotics for a toothache so I told him how to get some. It isn't tough, no doctor (or dentist for that matter) would mind giving them to him. They might have a problem with controlled substances but they usually don't mind calling people in antibiotics. The guy doesn't have insurance and he just went back to work after a long time of being out after a divorce.
I hadn't seen my son's friend in a long time. I don't remember when the last time I saw him was but he's lost 50 pounds since then. I think he looked too thin and guant and that made me wonder if I look gaunt as well. I've always known this guy as a great big, tall, heavyset guy. Ever since he and my son were in school, he's been a big kid.
Maybe I'm bigoted toward bigger men, I certainly prefer them, but I didn't at all like his new look of which he was quite proud. He looked completely dofferent. People have seen pictures of me before I lost all the weight and said that I looked like a totally different person. Now, I see what they meant although to me, I look the same.
We all see a different person in the mirror than other people see. When I had my first kid, I gained a LOT of weight. My father flew out to California when I had him and offered to take me shopping for a new wardrobe. While we were at the store, I saw another brand new mother and she was so thin. I couldn't wrap a size 12 cardigan sweater around me. I was inconsolable. I asked my father how people ever let themselves get so big and he said, "They don't see themselves like we do." He was so right.
I decided that I didn't want any clothes that would have fit me then because I was going to lose the weight and I did. I lost so much that I became anorexic. I specifically remember looking in the mirror, naked, at about 92 pounds and thinking that I saw fat. In my mind, I DID see the fat. I understand where anorexic people are coming from. Thankfully, I became pregnant with my daughter and started eating everything in sight so I gained the weight back and stayed around 120 all throughout my 20's.
I read the following sentence somewhere, "Thirty marks the beginning of your decline." I don't remember where I saw it, I just remember that sentence. At 30, I married Rick and started gaining weight that I didn't lose until he left. That was the "happily married" weight that we all gain. Well, almost all of us. Of course, between being sick and the divorce, I lost it all and then some. My goal now is to keep the weight off, even if I ever become happy again. I'd like to gain another 20 pounds, but it's tough to do that proportionately. I have very long, thin legs and I don't want to look like a water tower.
I wish I could see myself as other people see me, just for a minute. I'll never be able to do that.
It would have been nice to go to my 30 year (YIKES!) high school reunion with all the weight off, but I checked the high school web site and they aren't having one! I was pretty surprised. They're having a 20th and a 40th, but no 30th.
I went to my tenth and got so drunk that I hit two cars trying to get out of the parking lot. For some stupid reason, my ex let me drive. He had to pay quite a bit for those cars. I felt pretty stupid after I sobered up. I never got out of the parking lot, I hit the cars trying to get out of the parking space. I remember that there were people watching so maybe I don't really want to go to anymore reunions. My ex took over the driving right away so I'll never know what would have happened if I had driven all the way home. I suspect that I wouldn't have gotten there.
I think that I'm going to try to do some more yard work. While I was doing it the other day, I found some old bulbs and I'd like to see if they're any good now. Before I became so sick, I used to keep the yard looking nice. When I got sick and the marriage began falling apart, I stopped doing that and Rick only did it when I asked him to so it didn't get done. I was totally preoccupied with all of the BS in my life. So, this would be the third summer that the yard hasn't had anything done to it. I know it'll take a long time and a lot of work, but I'm going to try to get it looking decent again.
The morning that I spent "working" with my friend in his garden inspired me to work in my own. I guess I'll go back out there and start working now. It'll probably take all summer just to get the weeds and pine needles cleaned up but if I work out there for a little bit every morning, I can take care of it. I wish that I had the money to pay Chemlawn to come and kill the entire thing so I could start over fresh. Last fall, I put some weed killer out there but it seems to have worked as a weed feeder.
OH! I also have to find a way to get on top of my house and clean out the gutters. I tried to do it the other day but chickened out. 30 years ago, I could have pulled myself up there pretty easily without being afraid. Why do we get so scared in our adulthood? Maybe it's just that we get smart. Well, tune it later to see if I ever got up there, I kind of doubt that I will be able to but I'm going to try! If I'm not back by dinnertime, send some help and tell them to look for me under the eaves of my house.
See ya!
Meg
I guess it's almost afternoon. I just woke up. I spent a few hours on the phone last night and didn't get to bed until close to 4 am. A friend of my son's came by last night needing some antibiotics for a toothache so I told him how to get some. It isn't tough, no doctor (or dentist for that matter) would mind giving them to him. They might have a problem with controlled substances but they usually don't mind calling people in antibiotics. The guy doesn't have insurance and he just went back to work after a long time of being out after a divorce.
I hadn't seen my son's friend in a long time. I don't remember when the last time I saw him was but he's lost 50 pounds since then. I think he looked too thin and guant and that made me wonder if I look gaunt as well. I've always known this guy as a great big, tall, heavyset guy. Ever since he and my son were in school, he's been a big kid.
Maybe I'm bigoted toward bigger men, I certainly prefer them, but I didn't at all like his new look of which he was quite proud. He looked completely dofferent. People have seen pictures of me before I lost all the weight and said that I looked like a totally different person. Now, I see what they meant although to me, I look the same.
We all see a different person in the mirror than other people see. When I had my first kid, I gained a LOT of weight. My father flew out to California when I had him and offered to take me shopping for a new wardrobe. While we were at the store, I saw another brand new mother and she was so thin. I couldn't wrap a size 12 cardigan sweater around me. I was inconsolable. I asked my father how people ever let themselves get so big and he said, "They don't see themselves like we do." He was so right.
I decided that I didn't want any clothes that would have fit me then because I was going to lose the weight and I did. I lost so much that I became anorexic. I specifically remember looking in the mirror, naked, at about 92 pounds and thinking that I saw fat. In my mind, I DID see the fat. I understand where anorexic people are coming from. Thankfully, I became pregnant with my daughter and started eating everything in sight so I gained the weight back and stayed around 120 all throughout my 20's.
I read the following sentence somewhere, "Thirty marks the beginning of your decline." I don't remember where I saw it, I just remember that sentence. At 30, I married Rick and started gaining weight that I didn't lose until he left. That was the "happily married" weight that we all gain. Well, almost all of us. Of course, between being sick and the divorce, I lost it all and then some. My goal now is to keep the weight off, even if I ever become happy again. I'd like to gain another 20 pounds, but it's tough to do that proportionately. I have very long, thin legs and I don't want to look like a water tower.
I wish I could see myself as other people see me, just for a minute. I'll never be able to do that.
It would have been nice to go to my 30 year (YIKES!) high school reunion with all the weight off, but I checked the high school web site and they aren't having one! I was pretty surprised. They're having a 20th and a 40th, but no 30th.
I went to my tenth and got so drunk that I hit two cars trying to get out of the parking lot. For some stupid reason, my ex let me drive. He had to pay quite a bit for those cars. I felt pretty stupid after I sobered up. I never got out of the parking lot, I hit the cars trying to get out of the parking space. I remember that there were people watching so maybe I don't really want to go to anymore reunions. My ex took over the driving right away so I'll never know what would have happened if I had driven all the way home. I suspect that I wouldn't have gotten there.
I think that I'm going to try to do some more yard work. While I was doing it the other day, I found some old bulbs and I'd like to see if they're any good now. Before I became so sick, I used to keep the yard looking nice. When I got sick and the marriage began falling apart, I stopped doing that and Rick only did it when I asked him to so it didn't get done. I was totally preoccupied with all of the BS in my life. So, this would be the third summer that the yard hasn't had anything done to it. I know it'll take a long time and a lot of work, but I'm going to try to get it looking decent again.
The morning that I spent "working" with my friend in his garden inspired me to work in my own. I guess I'll go back out there and start working now. It'll probably take all summer just to get the weeds and pine needles cleaned up but if I work out there for a little bit every morning, I can take care of it. I wish that I had the money to pay Chemlawn to come and kill the entire thing so I could start over fresh. Last fall, I put some weed killer out there but it seems to have worked as a weed feeder.
OH! I also have to find a way to get on top of my house and clean out the gutters. I tried to do it the other day but chickened out. 30 years ago, I could have pulled myself up there pretty easily without being afraid. Why do we get so scared in our adulthood? Maybe it's just that we get smart. Well, tune it later to see if I ever got up there, I kind of doubt that I will be able to but I'm going to try! If I'm not back by dinnertime, send some help and tell them to look for me under the eaves of my house.
See ya!
Meg
posted by Meg Kelso | 8:36 AM
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