Good morning!
I guess it's been about a month since I mentioned this last...but that crazy nose hair has grown across my nostril again. It's tickling the other side of the nostril and driving me insane. This has only been going on for the last 5 years or so. That one stupid nose hair grows through the other nose hairs and then one day...BOOM...there it is again. And there I am, looking like I'm digging for gold when all I'm doing is trying to pull that fucker out. Time sure seems to fly when measured by that one nose hair.
I don't know where in the heck this thing came from, it's not something that I was born with. It DID show up at about the same time that I started getting those big, brown freckles all over. I guess it's an age thing...like the annoying pieces of flesh that grow off of us like eyes on a potato.
I used to have just one freckle on the backs of each of my hands. They were both in the same place, outer aspect, one inch below my pinkie finger. I used to hold my hands out and say, "Look at my matching freckles!"
At the time, they were the only freckles there so anyone could clearly see what I meant immediately.
Now, they're each one of about 7 so you can't spot them right off. Besides, if you get enough spots on the backs of your hands, eventually two of them will match so it's an asinine thing to point out now. It used to be cute. Now it's just stupid.
Age. It's a bitch. Parts of you give way to gravity and other parts do not. There comes a time in every woman's life when she doesn't want to get on all fours...no matter how good the sex is from that position. The woman's point of view, specifically, is not a view that inspires one to appreciate gravity.
So why can't a dowager's hump defy gravity? They don't even begin to grow until you've had gravitational damage elsewhere on your body. Maybe as you get closer to death, you grow something that they can use to hang your body. They could just hook you up by that annoying piece of fat and hang you in the freezer. I don't know what they do to men but I hope it involves a scrotum.
I think that insurance should pay for gravitational damage done to our bodies. It's an act of God and people can buy insurance against other acts of God, why not this one? If your house falls down, your barn blows away or your car is hit by a tree, you get money to repair or replace the damage. Why doesn't insurance pay for THIS particular act of God? How much could it cost? A nip here...a tuck there. It would even add to the community in many ways. The first way that comes to mind is all of the extra money that strippers could put back into the community. The money they spend on shoes alone would keep a bunch of people employed so more money, more money.
But, since I don't see that happening in my lifetime, I guess that I would suck dick for plastic surgery. So, if you or anyone you know is a plastic surgeon, email me at megbkelso@gmail.com . And, like plastic surgeons themselves...I offer repeat business specials.
By the way...I'm very good at it. I have references. In 1978 Jim Matulas said, "You suck a mean dick!" In 1987, Robert Simmons said, "I'd marry you for the blowjobs alone."
I take pride in my dick-sucking abilities. I know what I'm doing. I cover my teeth with my lips so that nobody gets hurt and I use BOTH hands as well.
LOL...I just realized that I was sucking my lime Popsicles right now.
OK then, on that note...
See ya.
Meg
I guess it's been about a month since I mentioned this last...but that crazy nose hair has grown across my nostril again. It's tickling the other side of the nostril and driving me insane. This has only been going on for the last 5 years or so. That one stupid nose hair grows through the other nose hairs and then one day...BOOM...there it is again. And there I am, looking like I'm digging for gold when all I'm doing is trying to pull that fucker out. Time sure seems to fly when measured by that one nose hair.
I don't know where in the heck this thing came from, it's not something that I was born with. It DID show up at about the same time that I started getting those big, brown freckles all over. I guess it's an age thing...like the annoying pieces of flesh that grow off of us like eyes on a potato.
I used to have just one freckle on the backs of each of my hands. They were both in the same place, outer aspect, one inch below my pinkie finger. I used to hold my hands out and say, "Look at my matching freckles!"
At the time, they were the only freckles there so anyone could clearly see what I meant immediately.
Now, they're each one of about 7 so you can't spot them right off. Besides, if you get enough spots on the backs of your hands, eventually two of them will match so it's an asinine thing to point out now. It used to be cute. Now it's just stupid.
Age. It's a bitch. Parts of you give way to gravity and other parts do not. There comes a time in every woman's life when she doesn't want to get on all fours...no matter how good the sex is from that position. The woman's point of view, specifically, is not a view that inspires one to appreciate gravity.
So why can't a dowager's hump defy gravity? They don't even begin to grow until you've had gravitational damage elsewhere on your body. Maybe as you get closer to death, you grow something that they can use to hang your body. They could just hook you up by that annoying piece of fat and hang you in the freezer. I don't know what they do to men but I hope it involves a scrotum.
I think that insurance should pay for gravitational damage done to our bodies. It's an act of God and people can buy insurance against other acts of God, why not this one? If your house falls down, your barn blows away or your car is hit by a tree, you get money to repair or replace the damage. Why doesn't insurance pay for THIS particular act of God? How much could it cost? A nip here...a tuck there. It would even add to the community in many ways. The first way that comes to mind is all of the extra money that strippers could put back into the community. The money they spend on shoes alone would keep a bunch of people employed so more money, more money.
But, since I don't see that happening in my lifetime, I guess that I would suck dick for plastic surgery. So, if you or anyone you know is a plastic surgeon, email me at megbkelso@gmail.com . And, like plastic surgeons themselves...I offer repeat business specials.
By the way...I'm very good at it. I have references. In 1978 Jim Matulas said, "You suck a mean dick!" In 1987, Robert Simmons said, "I'd marry you for the blowjobs alone."
I take pride in my dick-sucking abilities. I know what I'm doing. I cover my teeth with my lips so that nobody gets hurt and I use BOTH hands as well.
LOL...I just realized that I was sucking my lime Popsicles right now.
OK then, on that note...
See ya.
Meg
posted by Meg Kelso | 9:28 AM
5 Comments:
I would marry you for the sense of humor alone. The blow jobs would just be a cherry on top of a sunday.
Meg,
Here's my latest journal entry. More can be found in MandiLand at http://blog.myspace.com/hottnychick
Here's an unusual thought from me:
I WILL BE FINE
I spent my entire life believing I needed a man to be there. Whether Dad, a friend, lover, whatever. I needed someone to kill the spiders, take out the trash, fix the washer, lift the heavy stuff, mow the lawn. I needed someone to validate my existance. and not because I'm weak, not because i'm insecure. But because i'm trying to discover my purpose. I recently discovered that I don't have to be a doormat to serve a purpose.
I walked in the door to my house last night, and breathed a huge sigh, and started packing the rest of Ryan's things. It was a bittersweet evening. I packed up a 3 year friendship with a marriage engagement tucked in there, and told it "GoodBye". But I opened my house, and my life to a fresh start.
I'll kill the spiders, even if I'm screaming the whole time.
I'll take outthe trash, no matter how much I hate it.
I'll fix the washer, and keep myself occupied for a weekend.
I'll lift the heavy stuff, because I know I can.
I'll mow the lawn, because sunshine is good for the soul.
Last night was the first night I haven't cried myself to sleep. Last night was the first night I didn't wonder how the bills would be paid. Last night I didn't worry about being evicted. Last night I didn't drink myself into oblivion. Last night I realized I was not angry for my best friend running off with my ex. I feel bad for them.
This morning, I woke up with a smile. Knowing that I will make it.
This morning, I woke up unafraid. Because there's nothing to be afraid of.
This morning, I realized that no matter what kind of day I'm having, I still have to have it. so I may as well do my best to make it a good day.
This morning I realized that LIFE GOES ON, even if I choose not to. Soo, friends, today begins my new life. You coming with me?
Meg:
You have got to stop talking about your great BJ abilities. That is my Wifes only shortcomings and everytime you get started on that I get this involuntary boner, guess we really are all pigs
Are you serious? I have to address this. Feel free to comment again when I've finished writing about your problem. (I almost wrote, "your little problem" but I felt that might be inappropriate. Of course...maybe it would be fair, I don't know.) But, I am gonna use your comment in the next post.
:):):)
Why would you need two full hands for Ricks' crooked dick? It seems to me the pinkie of either hand should have held the whole mess, nuts included.
Meg, maybe your hands are really, really small?!
TW
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