I'm not sure what I did...

...but somehow I got around the problems that Blogger has been having and got to this page. Now, if only I can publish what I write, I'll be golden.

A lady named Cheryl wrote to say that I've helped her in a lot of ways. I'm glad if I did, but like Dorothy at the end of The Wizard of Oz...she always knew these things, an asshole just made her forget them temporarily.

When you're in a relationship that has you wondering what's going on CONSTANTLY...you pretty much lose yourself in that confusion. Before the relationship that's causing the problems, you were happy and you knew how to have fun. You didn't worry that you might not be good enough. You saw an obstacle and you mowed it down. You could go out and have fun without worrying that your significant other is home on the phone with someone else. And...when you sat at home, your mind wasn't obsessed with knowing the truth...you just enjoyed yourself and your life.

It doesn't have to be a cheater, it could just be a major asshole. But if you're in a relationship with a person who, somehow, takes up so much of your life that you no longer spend the time on yourself...you totally forget that there ever was a YOU...instead you define yourself as half of a couple and everything that you've planned and dreamed about is about the couple, not about you. Before you know it...the person that you were is gone. There was nothing wrong with that person....we just allowed someone else to manipulate us and our lives to the point where we don't feel as though we can go on without them. Of course you CAN...but it surely doesn't feel like it.

Not only do people need to realize that there's nothing wrong with them, they need to realize that someone else DID it to THEM...they didn't do anything to make themselves a rotten scoundrel. But, luckily for us, the person who did all of this is actually the REAL rotten scoundrel and they're the one who will suffer through life being a pig that won't ever change until they're literally too old, paralyzed or maimed. Then, they may very well be faithful to the person who has to wipe their ass every day. But, until then, they will FOREVER be the creep who made you feel like crap, the bum who didn't have enough decency to be honest and the fool who chose some wopig like Colleen Lombardi over a decent loving wife.

Deep inside they know that they are assholes so they want to make you feel as though you're an asshole too. Who else would stay with an asshole except another asshole? That's the way they think anyway. What other purpose is there for making a person feel worthless? The more worthless a person feels, the more likely they are to stay with an asshole.

So, someone else took your self esteem and trampled all over it. You sit there wondering why this has happened and how they could do such a thing to YOU...the person they vowed to love and protect forever. When they're gone, they leave you there, feeling like a total loser when in reality, and ever so obviously, THEY are the losers! DUH!

They will always be bums and you will always be the person that you always have been deep inside. As time goes by, you start to come back out of your shell of insecurity as you begin concentrating on doing things for yourself instead of the asshole at home. Little by little, you find yourself again and sooner or later, you're GLAD to meet you again! That's when life starts over and you can begin to feel free, happy to be away from the bum and ready to have the life that you deserve.

I accomplished so much before I met Rick that I couldn't believe I was the same person. But after I married him, I slowly lost the ambitious and confident young woman that I was because I did nothing except worry about who my husband was fucking that day. A healthy relationship is one that allows for both of you to grow...individually and as a couple. If your life is stagnating at some level that you aren't happy with, look around and find out why. What are you spending your time doing? Are you out there making your own dreams come true or are you sitting there wishing that some moron will come back to you or even just stay with you?

If a partner doesn't want to let you better yourself, they're no good. If you don't want to better yourself for your partner, then the relationship isn't healthy. The main sign of a healthy relationship is the growth of the partners. A relationship should be the base in which we plant our lives and our partner is supposed to keep it well fertilized...as we do for them. If you have that...you literally have everything.

Cheryl, you're a very kind lady and there are so many men out there who would appreciate that. I'm sure you have attributes that I'm not aware of so think about those and spend your time doing things for yourself. Take a class, join a bowling league, do something that's just for you. If you take care of yourself for a while, someone will notice and eventually you will find someone who fertilizes your life instead of killing it. Sometimes your problems are so severe that it's a daunting task to fix everything. It may take years. But, those years will pass one way or another and if you start weeding your life out a little bit today and don't stop...you'll find that you've created an amazing life for yourself.

People literally can do ANYTHING...they just have to want it badly enough. Period.

So, what's stopping you?

Meg