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Saturday, March 17, 2007

You know...

...I was just thinking...I haven't laughed myself silly at a movie in years. You know that pain in the belly, tears all down your cheeks kind of laughter? I used to laugh like that often. The last time that I remember reacting that way to a movie was the scene in Adventures in Babysitting when Chris Parker and the kids ran through a door only to find themselves on a stage and forced to sing the blues. I took my kids to see that one and I think I enjoyed it more than they did.

But, I haven't laughed like a fool in over 20 years now and I don't know why that is or what it is that changed...the movies or me? Who knows. But I think it's political correctedness in one form or another that has driven some seriously funny material out of the business. They seem to edit some of the funniest performances of all time or like the firemen in Farenhite 451, they just flat out disallow it. Then, while wasting two thirds of my television screen to be "true" to the director's vision, they hypocritically edit at random, seemingly because they have to. If they didn't find something to edit out...they really wouldn't have a job so they pretty much go about televsion-land bleeping out words or blurring human boobs and backsides willy nilly to secure a job that they know is not really necessary.

The irony there is that society is allowed to view unlimited violence. Rape, murder, insane lunatics with hacksaws...all are staples in the world portrayed by something as insipid as television.

So, there I am, watching American Pie and I see guy run to a toilet and fart. Actually, the farts are merely implied farts because they bleeped out the sound. Can you believe that? They bleeped out a fart sound? Is there any room containing more than one 13 year old where young boys are NOT making fart sounds? NO! Because they know what I know...farts can be extremely funny. But (she says dramatically in her best Peggy Sue voice ), "There'll be no farting today."

The movie America Pie is called American for some reason...right? Yet I know for a fact that all Americans are already pretty well desensitized to fart sounds. Even if you don't hear other people fart, when you're alone you can make some really loud or long farts fearlessly. And, off you're honest with yourself, you have to be honest, there's an odd sense of satisfaction in producing a really good fart. I don't care who you are, even the Queen of England has to feel somewhat good after letting a really loud one rip.

Those people with the bleep button truly don't like farts. They even bleeped the sound out of the most famous fart scene in cinematic history. They totally removed the sound from the bean-eating campfire fart scene in Blazing Saddles and yet they showed the men leaning to one side for increased ease of farting...once again IMPLYING farts. I guess they figure that since we all know what a fart sounds like, we can just summon the fart in our heads. How ridiculous is that? Only the implication of a fart is allowed.

Even though one well timed, high pitched, 5 second zinger can bring tears to my eyes...it cannot be done on television. Before I'll see THAT on TV, I'll be on a crowded elevator and someone will release a silent but deadly. Chances are pretty good that no one will get hurt as long as they don't own up to that fart, the only type of fart that I wouldn't own up to in public. In my house, on the other had, I love those reciprocal farts that the men in my house have always subjected me to. Gosh, I sill have fond memories of the Fart of '93 that I perpetrated upon the male members of my family. But, TV is an absolute fart-free zone. Ridiculous.

The people who are truly let down by censorship at this level are the pioneers in bathroom humor, the people who created Leave it to Beaver. It was the Beav who first showed the public that TV familes do, indeed have bathrooms. If nothing else, we owe it to them to get the job done and free the fart sounds immediately.

What would Beaver think of us if, 50 years after he brought the television camera into the bathroom, we still couldn't hear that bathroom being used? After Beaver showed us his toilet in 1958, we took a step backwards. The Brady Bunch showed a bathroom shared by boys and girls, 6 of them. BUT...they didn't have a toilet. So, not only did the Brady Bunch not advance the cause of bathroom humor, they couldn't even maintain it at the status quo. Television was stagnating in the area of bathroom humor.

Then, a few people like Roseanne Connor allowed us a peek back into the bathroom...but even she was never in there for it's intended purpose. She used it as a place to smoke 20 year old marijuana that she found in her basement, a place to argue with Dan and share secrets with Jackie. But even the tactless Ms. Connor couldn't muster up a fart here or there. They talked about a fart once...but we were not allowed to hear the infamous Becky-fart.

The censorship of fart humor is bad enough...but we are not allowed to laugh at Cleavon Little as he makes fools out of entire town by his empowered use of the N word. Politcally incorrect humor stands alone on the island of shunned jokes and "too rude for prime time" words in a world full of crass behavior and violence. Anyone who has ever channel surfed on a Sunday afternoon has seen donkies humping each other...but you won't be hearing a bunch of bean eating cowboys fart. Last week I watched a man as he excited a horse and collected horse semen...right there on TV. I didn't even have to pay extra...it was right there! But, on the channel right next to the masturbating horse, American Pie is without fart sounds.

You know what? I've decided, it isn't me...it's the fart bleepers and their mentality that keep me from having a movie induced gaffaw. Now I'm annoyed.

Meg

3 Comments:

Blogger JQ75 said...

If you are looking for bathroom humor and pure shock, then see Borat. I saw it in the theatre, the DVD is supposed to have even more content.

Don't wait for it to be on TV, the censors will have a field day bleeping it.

There were a few parts (male parts) they black masked to keep an R rating.

March 17, 2007  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hi Mommy!

I love you! You're nuts!

Annie

March 17, 2007  
Blogger Meg Kelso said...

Yes I am sweetie! Now mommy has to go to bed because I'm just too tired to do anything else. I just got done speaking with Rick and he seems so sweet...it's tough for me to remember why I'm mad at him when he talks to me like that. Go figure...ya think it's.....no, it can't be.

Meg

March 18, 2007  

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