Good morning!

This is a picture of what you get when you add a camera to a little girl. I have many more of these pictures and a bunch of the TV with Spongebob and all of his friends. She caught a shot of each of them. We had the kids for 2 weekends in a row because it suited the mother and we were glad to do it because of my daughter being here the second weekend. I didn’t work the entire time she was here and now I have to pay for that. Tomorrow night I’ll go back and work a stretch to pay some bills.

I may very well be seeing my daughter again soon. I have a chance to take a 13 week job in LA…with a traveling nurse company and I may just do it. The hospital they want to send me to is in Long Beach and Annie lives in Hollywood (or somewhere really, really close to her job in Beverly Hills). She said that’s an hour and a half ride but looking at the map you would think I could do it in much less. Who knows, with the traffic in LA I suppose that it could take a while. But it looks like you could ride a bike in an hour and a half. We’ll see…I don’t know if everything will come through in time and I don’t know if I can afford to pay for this house and all of my expenses in LA. The company pays for your housing so I THINK I can do it…who knows. I still have a lot of things to work out.

So…what’s new in the world today? Well, dumb stuff as always. And another Hollywood person (I don’t want to kick him when he’s down and call him a brat) has drug problems. This one tried to kill himself. Oh…Owen…what are we gonna do with you? At least he didn’t try to drive, as far as we know. But what in the HELL is wrong with these people? Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem and one that almost always sounds so romantic when you’re as high as a kite but in the light of day and the clearing of the mind…it’s just a stupid, selfish thing to do. Doesn’t he have family or other people who care about him? What problem of his could be so bad that it’s worth putting his parents through so much agony?

I don’t mean to sound harsh…but come on! What are these people doing with their time that their lives seem so empty and useless? I know that money doesn’t buy happiness, but it doesn’t hurt. With it, most people could afford to go out and do good things for other people who haven’t had such a charmed life.

We all have moments in our lives that make us feel as though it’s just too tough to go on anymore. Lord knows I have. The only thing that kept me going after Rick left was my kids and my father. I couldn’t do that to them…and of course I wasn’t messed up on drugs so I actually THOUGHT about them.

Once when I was married to Mark (the kid’s father) and I found out that he was cheating, I decided to scare him and take a bottle of valium. It was stupid and I’m embarrassed to admit it…but I did. They were only 2 mgs. And there were only 18 of them so I knew that it wouldn’t kill me. But he didn’t. For some STUPID reason, I thought that I could change his behavior by acting foolish myself. Then, while I was at the emergency room, a very wise doctor asked me if I was really trying to kill myself. I told him the truth…I wasn’t. He said something that I’ve never forgotten, “You know, you may not really be trying to kill yourself, but you might just get lucky and do it some time.”

That comment shook me up and I've never tried that crap again. And of course, my husband kept right on cheating on me. Can you believe that I was going to kill MYSELF because of a man who didn’t care enough about me to stop fucking other women? What a nimrod.

Wouldn’t it be nice to see a bunch of young people from Hollywood doing good things with all of their free time and cash? Can you IMAGINE what they COULD do? They spend more on drugs in one night than most people spend on food in a month. Not to mention the clothes they buy, the homes they live in, the cars they drive. These people could support a family of four for a year and never miss a dime. They could pay the medical bills of one child who needs help and STILL be able to live the Life of Riley (which I THINK is a good thing…I’m not sure).

If they did decent things with their time and money…they would capture the attention of the world. Princess Diana has been gone for 10 years now…it’s about time that someone stood up to bat and tried to do a bit of what she did. Paris Hilton could have been a great contender for that spot in our hearts but she’s chosen instead to be a spoiled brat with the class of an earthworm who’s known mainly for screwing some anonymous ass on tape.

Is that what we get now? Hiltons and Owens’? What a dreadful waste of time and space these fools are. I have enough sympathy to feel badly for the guy…but I have more sympathy for people who never have the chance to accomplish what these powder puffs could accomplish if they had grown up with parents who instilled values in them as they were growing up. The only value they know is the value of being stalked by paparazzi. Somehow they think that makes them worthy of something. I’ve seen one too many idiot underpant-less women with their legs spread open as they get into a car. I’m not impressed. Does that make them special? I think not. Like opinions and assholes…I have one too. I just don’t put myself in a position where anyone could SEE it, much less take pictures of it for the world to see.

They say that Mr. Owen is recovering nicely. I think that part of his recovery should include going to homeless shelters and visiting sick people. When I did home health, I was amazed at how normal the streets looked, how regular the homes, and how much suffering was inside.

Anyone of us passes a hundred houses in a day and very few of us think that there could be frightful suffering going on inside of those houses. But there are. People do care for dying loved ones at home and they would give anything to have a bit more time on this planet and what a slap in the face it is to those who are suffering so badly when some yahoo gets high and decides to take a few hundred dollars worth of drugs.

Man, that was depressing. Let me try this again. Oh crap. I just heard that Leona Helmsley left 12 million bucks to a dog. I want to puke.

I’ll be back after I spew chunks.