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Hi. I'm trying to think of another description to put here. Any ideas? I'll try again at 420.

Sunday, August 12, 2007

Hi ya'll!!!

(To those of you south of the Mason Dixon Line)

Hi you's guys!!!

(To my ex-ex husband's family)

Hi you guys!!!

(To everyone else)

I ended up working 15 hours tonight...it was supposed to be 12 but that didn't happen. Since I worked so late, I don't have the time to write the post about men and fake boobs that I wanted
to write. I don't even have time to tell you about the insane surprise that I wanted to tell you. As a matter of fact...I don't have time to do anything but give you a rerun from two years ago but it IS about everybody's favorite topic....FARTS!!! (I don't know why the spacing is like that and I don't have time to figure it out.)

So...here it is:

OK, I’m back...

....I had a lovely evening and I will surely fall asleep with a smile upon my face.

My friend just left and we had a lovely time. When he got here I was still making dinner so I gave him a glass of iced tea and he kept me company while I finished cooking. I made chicken quesadilla’s, Spanish rice and refried beans. I also made some pico de gaillo...which, after cooking for Rick, was taking a chance. This guy not only had to like onions, but he had to like green peppers and tomatoes as well. Anyway, he was normal and everything was fine.

After we ate, we watched Fargo. He hadn’t seen it in a while and although I had recently watched it, I didn’t mind because it’s a good movie. By the end of the movie we were into some pretty comfortable cuddling. You can tell you’re cuddling properly when you can perceive the change in each others’ breathing. That’s always a sign of good things to come, isn’t it? OK, that was fun.

So, after the movie, I walked across the room to take the DVD out of the player and when I came back to the couch, well, let’s just say that he didn’t make me wait long at all. We had lip lock before my ass hit the couch. Yada, yada, yada...he went home and I let the dog back in.

I wish someone would invent a thing that would record your experiences on a micro-chip or something and then you could replay them. Tonight would be a night that I would rewind and experience over and over again. I’m sitting here staring at the keyboard with nothing to write. I was thinking about something but I wasn’t going to write it and then I thought, oh...what the hell. So, anyway, when I said that I had the refried beans with dinner I almost added, “Luckily, nobody farted.” But I didn’t say that because I didn’t want to break the mood. But it’s broken now anyway so I’ll just tell you the damn fart story.

I actually considered not telling you this particular fart story because I'm the farter in this one and I don’t admit to farting often. When I do, I try to do so only when I feel that I have more to gain than I have to lose in the fart disclosure.

Rick is more than twice my size. Once when we were dating, for some stupid reason, I thought that I would show off my strength and lift him up off of the ground. I was out on a date and having a good time, anal control was the furthest thing from my mind.

So, when I hoisted the man, I let loose an utterly unexpected little lady fart, one of those farts that are just loud enough so that you can't delude yourself into thinking the sucker (blower?) went unheard.

Naturally, I put him back down. He immediately left the area. Now, I swear, this fart did NOT stink. I promise, I’m not just saying that, it really, really didn’t smell. (If it had stunk, I would have said so...remember the New York beef with peppers story?) But, even if it HAD stunk, he should have stayed with me. I should have known then that he wouldn’t be standing by me when things would become grueling.

The moral to that story...anal control should NEVER...EVER be too far from your mind.

Anyway, don’t you just hate it when you sit down on a chair and a fart sound comes out? You didn’t really fart, but to the others in the room, it could go either way. You try to recreate the fart noise by moving a bit in the chair but you can’t. You just hope that they all knew that it was the chair and by now it’s been awhile because you’ve been trying to make the noise again and you’ve been analyzing whether or not anybody else heard it in the first place and by the time you do ask, you would have to say..."Hey, remember that fart sound that occurred a few minutes ago? That wasn't a real fart...it was the chair...you knew that...right?” Well, that’s no good. I should be careful about fart chat, the last time I did it, my dog had an attack of Alpo-stinkitis.

In all the space movies, they never find a planet with so little gravity that a good enough fart would propel the space dudes through the air. You would think that it would make perfect scientific sense. Those “transportation” farts wouldn’t even have to stink. Say they don’t have any bacteria...there’s nothing to make it stink. I could see that.

I have the 70’s music channel on and right now, they're playing John Travolta’s one and only single, remember that? It was called Gonna Let Her In.

I haven’t heard that tune in a quite a while.

Ick...I just had an odd thought...Travolta himself farts. Those Scientologists may know about a planet that has fart travel.

On that note...

...have a good day!

See ya,



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