This morning I woke up...
...to an infomercial about some product that cleanses your bowels. Apparently, Judge Reinhold was right when he told his partner (in Beverly Hills Cop) that "by the time you're 40, you have 7 pounds of undigested meat in your bowels." I was too lazy to turn the TV off or change the channel for a while so I just laid there listening to the guy talking about bowel cleansing.
I've heard that Hollywood stars take high colonics to look younger. I didn't even know that the bowels had anything to do with wrinkles. I went to school for years and I never once learned that. (But now that I think about it, maybe the high colonics stop wrinkles by decreasing the facial grimacing that occurs when a person is trying to push all that shit out.) The bowels seem to have a lot to do with how long a person lives, too. The infomercial discussed Westminster Abbey and a body that was exhumed from that building. It was the body of Thomas Parr who supposedly lived for over 150 years. They checked out his bowels and found them to be immaculate. Therefore, they came to the conclusion that a clean bowel equals a long life.
I was too sleepy to remember the name of the product but I think you swallow it as opposed to shoving it up the other end. Whatever you do with it, it makes all that nasty stuff come out. They were so proud of their product that they even showed what would come out if you used it regularly. That's something that every person should start the day with...a picture of human excrement. And excrement that has built up over years and years, no less.
I feel the need to rid my bowels of all that nasty stuff but all that ever comes out is the normal stuff that I ate the day before. I must admit, the notion of ridding myself of food that I ate in the 70's is quite intriguing. I'd love to see what THAT looks like today. If it's anything like the stuff on the infomercial, it's pretty icky and I want it OUT of me NOW! I didn't get the name of the product nor did I get the address so I'm stuck with the icky crap (no pun intended) that's been in my bowels for decades. Damn, I don't even know what channel it was on. In my sleepiness I forgot to get all that information before I turned the channel. My son came in and said that Alan Alda was on FoxNews so without even thinking that I don't care about Alan Alda, I turned that on and momentarily forgot about my bowels.
Then, after watching a few minutes of the MASH star, I remembered my bowels and all the stuff that's in there. Now what? I don't know what to do about my guts. I guess I should eat a bunch of fruit until I figure out how to rid myself of the "toxic lining" that is coating my innards as I type this. I suppose I should stay awake tonight and flip to one infomercial to another until I find the cure for bowel retention. In the meantime, I will check for old stuff just in case I spontaneously lose the crap that I've been carrying around with me for the past 40+ years.
As if I didn't have enough to worry about...now I have one more thing. And, if it's as bad as I think it is, it could kill me decades sooner than I'm supposed to die. Damn.
Meg and her rotten bowels
...to an infomercial about some product that cleanses your bowels. Apparently, Judge Reinhold was right when he told his partner (in Beverly Hills Cop) that "by the time you're 40, you have 7 pounds of undigested meat in your bowels." I was too lazy to turn the TV off or change the channel for a while so I just laid there listening to the guy talking about bowel cleansing.
I've heard that Hollywood stars take high colonics to look younger. I didn't even know that the bowels had anything to do with wrinkles. I went to school for years and I never once learned that. (But now that I think about it, maybe the high colonics stop wrinkles by decreasing the facial grimacing that occurs when a person is trying to push all that shit out.) The bowels seem to have a lot to do with how long a person lives, too. The infomercial discussed Westminster Abbey and a body that was exhumed from that building. It was the body of Thomas Parr who supposedly lived for over 150 years. They checked out his bowels and found them to be immaculate. Therefore, they came to the conclusion that a clean bowel equals a long life.
I was too sleepy to remember the name of the product but I think you swallow it as opposed to shoving it up the other end. Whatever you do with it, it makes all that nasty stuff come out. They were so proud of their product that they even showed what would come out if you used it regularly. That's something that every person should start the day with...a picture of human excrement. And excrement that has built up over years and years, no less.
I feel the need to rid my bowels of all that nasty stuff but all that ever comes out is the normal stuff that I ate the day before. I must admit, the notion of ridding myself of food that I ate in the 70's is quite intriguing. I'd love to see what THAT looks like today. If it's anything like the stuff on the infomercial, it's pretty icky and I want it OUT of me NOW! I didn't get the name of the product nor did I get the address so I'm stuck with the icky crap (no pun intended) that's been in my bowels for decades. Damn, I don't even know what channel it was on. In my sleepiness I forgot to get all that information before I turned the channel. My son came in and said that Alan Alda was on FoxNews so without even thinking that I don't care about Alan Alda, I turned that on and momentarily forgot about my bowels.
Then, after watching a few minutes of the MASH star, I remembered my bowels and all the stuff that's in there. Now what? I don't know what to do about my guts. I guess I should eat a bunch of fruit until I figure out how to rid myself of the "toxic lining" that is coating my innards as I type this. I suppose I should stay awake tonight and flip to one infomercial to another until I find the cure for bowel retention. In the meantime, I will check for old stuff just in case I spontaneously lose the crap that I've been carrying around with me for the past 40+ years.
As if I didn't have enough to worry about...now I have one more thing. And, if it's as bad as I think it is, it could kill me decades sooner than I'm supposed to die. Damn.
Meg and her rotten bowels
posted by Meg Kelso | 6:07 AM
6 Comments:
My GI doc says that's all completely untrue, 'cause I saw an infomercial like that myself and asked him about it. He said that it's just urban legend about people like John Wayne, which is who they mentioned in the one I saw, who had all thst stuff in the intestines. He said he's never seen anything even remotely like that.
I hope he's right. Just the thought is frightening.
Just letting ya know i am back safe and sound, got a bit of a kiss and cuddle the night before we left, could have got more but sharing a hotel room can cramp ones style, probably a good thing really lol.
Jaded,
Yeah, I knew it was a scam...I had to have some fun with it. Thanks for backing up the scam aspect of the quackery!
Lara,
Glad you're safe...but how much stuff is in your bowels?
:):):)
LOL I swear they knew the socond I was Home LOL
Meg -
That's Dual Action Cleanse...and that infomercial can usually be found on Court TV between three and six am on any weeknight!
I've blogged about that before too.
YEAH! That's it. I knew it had something to do with two. Cool. And it makes sense, I fall asleep listening to stories about murder. Cool.
Thanks!
It's a tough topic to ignore.
Meg
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