Years ago...
...as I describe somewhere on this blog, I had what I've always referred to as my Date From Hell. I'm not going into the whole date now but let me tell you this...at one point during that hideous ordeal, I had to get out of his van by jumping over the puddle off pee he had just deposited at my car door. And to think, as he was walking over to my door, I thought, "Well, at least he's gentlemanly enough to open the door for me." Ha. I just sat there and stared, astonished, as this guy peed outside my door. He didn't even have the decency to pee away from me. It was awful.
Anyway, I tell you this not to gross you out...I have another story for that. You see, last night I went to that bar around the corner to watch the Bears game. I was sitting there minding my own business and sipping my beer, waiting for the game to start. Right at 8:30, this guy sat down next to me. I've seen him before, he plays keyboard with a blues band that plays there.
He struck up a conversation as I was waiting for the kick-off. That, in itself was annoying enough. The subject of the conversation was one that would catch anyone, anywhere, anytime off guard. He said, immediately after "Hello."..."I just came from my mother's house. She called me about her chihuahua and said that he was 'backed up'. I told her to put a finger condom on, get some Vaseline and stick it up his backside. It worked."
When I expressed my horror, he said, "You're a nurse, you can handle this stuff."
He repulsed me that very moment with a repulsion that I could never recover from...no matter how many heroic deeds he performed over the years. But he kept trying. I tried staring at the screen, then I called the game play by play...not loudly, just loud enough for him to hear. He kept on talking.
So, before five minutes of the game had passed, I got up and walked out of my friends' nice little establishment and went home. I took off my clothes, under which I had my pink long john's. I climbed into bed and watched the game there. It's not quite the same as being surrounded by a bunch of other Bears fans...but there's no bowel discussion either.
So that's how I spent my night and now I'm about to go and get some busy stuff done. Have a good day!
Meg
...as I describe somewhere on this blog, I had what I've always referred to as my Date From Hell. I'm not going into the whole date now but let me tell you this...at one point during that hideous ordeal, I had to get out of his van by jumping over the puddle off pee he had just deposited at my car door. And to think, as he was walking over to my door, I thought, "Well, at least he's gentlemanly enough to open the door for me." Ha. I just sat there and stared, astonished, as this guy peed outside my door. He didn't even have the decency to pee away from me. It was awful.
Anyway, I tell you this not to gross you out...I have another story for that. You see, last night I went to that bar around the corner to watch the Bears game. I was sitting there minding my own business and sipping my beer, waiting for the game to start. Right at 8:30, this guy sat down next to me. I've seen him before, he plays keyboard with a blues band that plays there.
He struck up a conversation as I was waiting for the kick-off. That, in itself was annoying enough. The subject of the conversation was one that would catch anyone, anywhere, anytime off guard. He said, immediately after "Hello."..."I just came from my mother's house. She called me about her chihuahua and said that he was 'backed up'. I told her to put a finger condom on, get some Vaseline and stick it up his backside. It worked."
When I expressed my horror, he said, "You're a nurse, you can handle this stuff."
He repulsed me that very moment with a repulsion that I could never recover from...no matter how many heroic deeds he performed over the years. But he kept trying. I tried staring at the screen, then I called the game play by play...not loudly, just loud enough for him to hear. He kept on talking.
So, before five minutes of the game had passed, I got up and walked out of my friends' nice little establishment and went home. I took off my clothes, under which I had my pink long john's. I climbed into bed and watched the game there. It's not quite the same as being surrounded by a bunch of other Bears fans...but there's no bowel discussion either.
So that's how I spent my night and now I'm about to go and get some busy stuff done. Have a good day!
Meg
posted by Meg Kelso | 6:00 AM
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