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Monday, February 25, 2008

Academy Award rerun...I'm busy copying Lara and Sol...we're nothing but bitter bitches who emulate each other.:)

Well, what a shock...

...Brokeback Mountain swept the Oscar Nominations and it’s already the “clear favorite to win best picture”, according to David Germain from the Associated Press. I could have told you that the film about “doomed love between two gay men” would win something. Every single movie that Hollywood has made over the past 2 decades relating to homosexuality has won something. Not that’s there’s anything wrong with that...just an observation.

Actually, the movie doesn’t HAVE to be about average homosexuality...it could be about any “out of the mainstream” sexual behavior. You could just be a girl trying to dress up as a boy....that’ll do it.

It’s not just the sexually creative of us that are showered with awards when it comes time for such things...any type of gimp will work as well. Look at Dustin Hoffman in Rain Man. He played a monotone savant who never was asked to do more than tilt his head to the side...look down and say, “K-mart.” Tom Cruise on the other hand, had to portray a broad range of emotions and his character showed growth in the movie...I’m no actor but I would think that Cruise had the tougher role in that movie. But...he played a healthy white man who is in possession of all of his marbles. And, of course, his healthy white man character was certainly morally challenged....after all, aren’t ALL healthy white men morally challenged? They are if you watch movies or television.

While portraying a gay character won’t automatically garner you a WIN...it more than likely will get you nominated. I’ve seen Heath Ledger act....he’s no Barrymore. They started mentioning his name for the top acting award before the movie was even released...never a good sign.

If I were an actor in search of an acting award, I would tell people to send me every script with a gay, crippled from Viet Nam, blind, radical, transvestite feminist. That type of role would be sure to garner more than one’s fair share of acting awards.

It is with such charm that Renee Zellwiger does her job, it’s a pleasure to see her win an award. She earns them the old fashioned way...she acts. In movie after movie, she blends in perfectly and becomes a piece of a story...not a caricature of a human being. Her ability cannot be dismissed but I wouldn’t want to put it up against Charlize Theiron and Hillary Swank in a remake of Thelma and Louise where two escaped female serial killers who are in love take the show on the road after stabbing the men in their lives who never visited them in the Pen.

Harvey Keitel will chase the duo from Georgia to somewhere in the middle of Alabama where they’re raped and murdered by a group of redneck KKK dudes wearing white robes and drinking Budweiser. The blonde would play the Louise character, only now she's a bi-curious chick from Smyrna Georgia who meets up with the hardened Louise. Louise has been killing men who have abused her in an assembly line fashion for twenty years when she meets and converts the still sweet Thelma into a stiletto wearing bimbo who helps Louise torture her victims after swilling rum for hours on end.

They end up in prison and that’s where the movie starts, as the two of them break out, appearing so masculine that they fool every guard that they pass along the way out the front door. The stupid men never even notice the two women as they head off to their homes, staying one step in front of the cops every step of the way, where they blow away their husbands with giant guns that they stole from the guards as they strolled through the room with the guns. (I’m sorry that I can’t be more specific with the gun talk...but you see....I’m a girl.)

Anyway, that’s when the action really starts and this time...it doesn’t stop. Yeah, that’d win something.

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