Good morning!

So far today I have fed my animals and sucked coffee. That's it. I wouldn't have fed the animals except they all sat there staring at me so I pretty much had to do it.

I woke up this morning to find that my son had been an my computer during the night. Actually, I knew he was on it because he woke me up at 3 AM with the noise he was making. This morning I walked into the kitchen and found this:

It's sitting on the floor next to my desk. It appears to be a thing full of water. I have absolutely NO clue why he felt the need to put a thing full of water on my kitchen floor. It can't be for the animals because it's 3 feet away from their water bowls which are full. Perhaps he entertained Muslims while I was sleeping. Of course, he could always be washing feet at night for extra cash but I would hate to think that was going on in my kitchen. If anyone is going to earn money out of my kitchen, it should be me.

I wish I could figure out some way to earn a living from home. I'm a whiz in the kitchen. I would work out of my bedroom but I'm currently going through a period of self inflicted abstinence. Not even a shitload of cash would get me to take a guest into my bedroom right now.

You know, I should be a nun. They seem to have a lot of fun. They're always singing and flying around. I could do that. And, I could easily go through life without sex. My ex didn't make sex something fun to do...not with me anyway. So, it's not like I have wonderful memories of swinging from chandeliers and making love all night long. So, yeah...I could easily getteth myself to a nunnery.

I bet I would travel and have a lot of fun if I were a nun. Mother Teresa always seemed to be enjoying herself. Sure, she went to some bad places, but I bet she stayed in come pretty decent places as well. I doubt she stayed at a Motel 6 when she visited our country.

Maybe I'd finally have time to practice my guitar playing. I could be a guitar playing, singing nun. That's just so me...isn't it?

Then, if my cyber stalker tried to annoy me, I would have the weight of the Vatican come down all around him. Actually, I should thank him. It's because of him that there is an entire network of new blogs out there that he can never find. That must be driving him insane. A place where people can comment freely without worrying about his insane ass?! Yes, this new, free place really does exist and it's oh, so close yet so far from his grasp. I picture him running through a maze like any other rat, bumping into walls along the way and then scurrying down the next road that always ends at another wall. If only he knew the magic words, he could type them into his browser window and land right smack dab in the middle of this wonderful place. Oh well...life's a bitch.

Did you ever say a word so many times that it seemed to have lost it's meaning? Temporarily you think about a word so much that it sounds stupid. I just did that with kitchen. What the hell does that word mean? Say it a few times, kitchen, kitchen, kitchen. Doesn't it sound stupid?

OK, I'm over that.

It's an overcast day and for some reason that makes it seem like good housecleaning weather. I think I'll clean the house today. It's amazing how messy things can get even when you don't leave crap lying around. I always clean up after myself but that doesn't seem to matter to the dust. It wants to live on my stuff and that just can't be.

Even the floors are assholes. You don't have to track mud in o them. You don't even have to leave the house. Somehow, just the act of living makes the floors dirty. Where the hell is all of this filth coming from? I didn't put it there.

And no matter how much bleach I use and no matter how long I leave it in the toilet, something still grows in there if you wait long enough. I usually don't because you start to see the stuff growing along the water line so it gets cleaned before it has a chance to grow too much. But what the heck IS that stuff and how does it get there? I put bleach in the tank, the commode and I even put those blue things in there so that I have blue water but shit stills grows in my toilet. (No pun intended.)

And sheets...how do THEY get dirty? If there's a couple or a baby in the bed, I understand it. But how do MY sheets get dirty? I'm not going to bed full of mud. Why do I need to change them every weekend?

Oh hell, people even scrub themselves with special tools. I don't understand that...I just use a wash cloth. I don't have any scum on me that requires a special apparatus. What a stroke of marketing genius those loofah things were! I wish that I could think of some totally unnecessary item that becomes a "must have" for every bathtub. There are a LOT of bathtubs around here and most of them have a loofah hanging off of the tub walls or the shower nozzle.

How can that POSSIBLY be a good thing? I use a clean wash cloth each time I shower. I wouldn't think of using the same one twice yet entire families share their loofah's with each other. That's just too funky for me. I would be afraid that every person who showered might grab my loofah and my standards for allowing people to use my shower are lower than are certain other standards of mine. God knows who might end up needing to jump in my shower on any given day. Some friend of my son's who tripped in mud could end up in there and I would never know if he touched my loofah or not. I wouldn't want ANYONE touching my loofah. That's just too much anxiety for me, I'll stick with clean wash clothes.

You know, I should launch a crusade to put an end to loofah's. I could single-handedly wipe out the entire loofah industry by asking why someone who wouldn't let another person use their toothbrush would let them us their loofah.

I think loofah madness has seen it's last day. In a land full of anti-microbial hand washing soap, dish washing soap and cleansers with bleach, why would we want to hang a loofah in our shower and use it more than once? Unless those suckers kill germs I don't want one. You know, now that I think about it, even IF they could kill germs I wouldn't want one. I don't even want my own dead skin cells on me...I certainly wouldn't want to rub someone else's dead skin cells on myself.

You know, instead of saying that you got an STD off of a toilet, you could say that you got it from a loofah. I'm surprised someone hasn't tried that yet.

So...is there anyone out there who sill wants to use a loofah?