I'm a sneaky monkey...
...and if I tried to, I could avoid saying anything meaningful for a long, long time. I could also make you agree with me without really saying anything and that's not easy to do unless you're a lying bastard like my ex husband. I watched some idiot Mayor on TV this morning trying to justify the millions of dollars that his city requested from the "Stimulus Bill". It seems as though it would stimulate the guy to fund a nicer polar bear habitat for the local zoo. He was pretty good, I must say. It took a while before I figured out that while the guy IS responding to questions, he really isn't saying anything.
You wouldn't think that people could get away with such blatant manipulation, but they do. Just listen the next time you hear any politician speak. This is pretty much how a conversation would go between me and my minions if I were trying to get cash to run my kitchen stuff:
Minion: I heard you were going to ask for an increase in your flour budget, can you tell me what precipitated that request?
Me: Yes! Thank you for asking! I began cooking in the 1960's when, as the oldest of 6 kids, I cooked dinner for my brothers and sisters when I was growing up. I had kids early in life and began cooking for them. I have a couple of college degrees in health related stuff and I am very good at creating menus for people with dietary restrictions with a special cnsideration to diabetics.
Minion: What was it about flour specificaly that put you behind this push for more? Was there a shortage of the stuff?
Me: Oh my word! Do you have any idea how bad a wheat shortage would be? Our wheat stores are only so good and as we continue to grow, we need to be assured that our children will have continued access to flour in the future. I don't think I have to show you pictures of what the Dust Bowl did to America. A life without flour is no life at all!
Minion: Specifically again though...what is it abour flour that has you backing this request for governmental intervention?
Me: I don't think people realuze how important flour is to our diet. We all understand that we have to eat fruits and vegetables. But if we eat only fruits and vegetables without any solid foundation to our diets, the numbers of those affected will rival the numbers of people who suffered from malnutrition THREE THOUSAND YEARS AGO! What does that say about us as a nation?
Minion: How will increased flour spending help people in their day to day lives?
Me: At least 4 different types of anemia could be prevented if we continue to utilize the "enrichment" capabilities of private flour makers. Of course, remember earlier I said that we were paying strict attention to diabetics...that's VERY important!
Minion: And there's no other way to accomplish this?
Me: Well, the people who ran this place before I got here left us in a bit of a ditch, financially speaking. We have to dig our way out of it, one step at a time. I think we can learn from this disaster in the making and if there's a better way to spend the money, I can't imagine what it would be. We're talking about wheat...the mainstay of an American diet! If we don't nourish our children, nothing else really matters.
Minion: When you get the funding, how will you spend the money?
Me: In ways that you can be sure that your mother would have agreed! I'm a mother, heck, I'm a grandmother! If I can't figure out how to serve you a well balanced meal yet, it can't be done! Only by looking at the eating patterns of humans and studying diets of the past can we possibly hope to actively identification of the Minimum Dietary Allowances of flour. Once we figure that out...we have to head straight to dairy foods. But, first things, first.
Minion: And what's in this for the average taxpayer?
Meg: Well, there's the increase in health awareness and dietary knowledge. I think we need to spearhead a huge effort to educate mothers out there. Can you imagine a world with no anemia? No diabetes? No scurvy? Well, we CAN do this...it'll just take some time and a bit of effort to bring that imaginary world to a potential reality. If we can't do that in America, there's really not much hope for the rest of the planet. People are starving today, that's a fact. It's also a fact that flour is the cornerstone of a well balanced diet. And, my kitchen can produce more flour next month than it did in all of last year.
Minion: And the benefits? When would we see them?
Me: Well, that would depend on how probiotic the government is. If your congressman has no idea what probiotic means, maybe you need to tell them!
Minion: What does it mean?
Me: Well, it's pro...which is for and bio...which is life. Probiotic is FOR LIFE! What kind of a nasty republican devil would NOT be probiotic? And who wouldn't want poor children to benefit from everything we have that is PROBIOTIC? Yes, we have people who can afford to buy the best food available. But even some of them just don't have the knowledge of flour to be able to utilize it to it's hugest ratio of probiotic qualities campared to malbiotic properties. But, remember, we also have a HUGE class of working people who are not lucky enough to have been born with a silver spoon in their mouths. So this spending increase will help EVERYONE!
Yeah, that's about how it went. Yes, the mayor of Providence did a pretty good job, but he pushed it. He almost sounded like he was answering questions but what he was really doing was trying to find a way NOT to answer them. When they asked about his "request"...he kept responding, "It's not a request for money. It's just a list of things that we would do if we had the money to do them."
OK then.
I didn't think you could be so vague and non-committal at the local level. That's almost Presidential-speak.
...and if I tried to, I could avoid saying anything meaningful for a long, long time. I could also make you agree with me without really saying anything and that's not easy to do unless you're a lying bastard like my ex husband. I watched some idiot Mayor on TV this morning trying to justify the millions of dollars that his city requested from the "Stimulus Bill". It seems as though it would stimulate the guy to fund a nicer polar bear habitat for the local zoo. He was pretty good, I must say. It took a while before I figured out that while the guy IS responding to questions, he really isn't saying anything.
You wouldn't think that people could get away with such blatant manipulation, but they do. Just listen the next time you hear any politician speak. This is pretty much how a conversation would go between me and my minions if I were trying to get cash to run my kitchen stuff:
Minion: I heard you were going to ask for an increase in your flour budget, can you tell me what precipitated that request?
Me: Yes! Thank you for asking! I began cooking in the 1960's when, as the oldest of 6 kids, I cooked dinner for my brothers and sisters when I was growing up. I had kids early in life and began cooking for them. I have a couple of college degrees in health related stuff and I am very good at creating menus for people with dietary restrictions with a special cnsideration to diabetics.
Minion: What was it about flour specificaly that put you behind this push for more? Was there a shortage of the stuff?
Me: Oh my word! Do you have any idea how bad a wheat shortage would be? Our wheat stores are only so good and as we continue to grow, we need to be assured that our children will have continued access to flour in the future. I don't think I have to show you pictures of what the Dust Bowl did to America. A life without flour is no life at all!
Minion: Specifically again though...what is it abour flour that has you backing this request for governmental intervention?
Me: I don't think people realuze how important flour is to our diet. We all understand that we have to eat fruits and vegetables. But if we eat only fruits and vegetables without any solid foundation to our diets, the numbers of those affected will rival the numbers of people who suffered from malnutrition THREE THOUSAND YEARS AGO! What does that say about us as a nation?
Minion: How will increased flour spending help people in their day to day lives?
Me: At least 4 different types of anemia could be prevented if we continue to utilize the "enrichment" capabilities of private flour makers. Of course, remember earlier I said that we were paying strict attention to diabetics...that's VERY important!
Minion: And there's no other way to accomplish this?
Me: Well, the people who ran this place before I got here left us in a bit of a ditch, financially speaking. We have to dig our way out of it, one step at a time. I think we can learn from this disaster in the making and if there's a better way to spend the money, I can't imagine what it would be. We're talking about wheat...the mainstay of an American diet! If we don't nourish our children, nothing else really matters.
Minion: When you get the funding, how will you spend the money?
Me: In ways that you can be sure that your mother would have agreed! I'm a mother, heck, I'm a grandmother! If I can't figure out how to serve you a well balanced meal yet, it can't be done! Only by looking at the eating patterns of humans and studying diets of the past can we possibly hope to actively identification of the Minimum Dietary Allowances of flour. Once we figure that out...we have to head straight to dairy foods. But, first things, first.
Minion: And what's in this for the average taxpayer?
Meg: Well, there's the increase in health awareness and dietary knowledge. I think we need to spearhead a huge effort to educate mothers out there. Can you imagine a world with no anemia? No diabetes? No scurvy? Well, we CAN do this...it'll just take some time and a bit of effort to bring that imaginary world to a potential reality. If we can't do that in America, there's really not much hope for the rest of the planet. People are starving today, that's a fact. It's also a fact that flour is the cornerstone of a well balanced diet. And, my kitchen can produce more flour next month than it did in all of last year.
Minion: And the benefits? When would we see them?
Me: Well, that would depend on how probiotic the government is. If your congressman has no idea what probiotic means, maybe you need to tell them!
Minion: What does it mean?
Me: Well, it's pro...which is for and bio...which is life. Probiotic is FOR LIFE! What kind of a nasty republican devil would NOT be probiotic? And who wouldn't want poor children to benefit from everything we have that is PROBIOTIC? Yes, we have people who can afford to buy the best food available. But even some of them just don't have the knowledge of flour to be able to utilize it to it's hugest ratio of probiotic qualities campared to malbiotic properties. But, remember, we also have a HUGE class of working people who are not lucky enough to have been born with a silver spoon in their mouths. So this spending increase will help EVERYONE!
Yeah, that's about how it went. Yes, the mayor of Providence did a pretty good job, but he pushed it. He almost sounded like he was answering questions but what he was really doing was trying to find a way NOT to answer them. When they asked about his "request"...he kept responding, "It's not a request for money. It's just a list of things that we would do if we had the money to do them."
OK then.
I didn't think you could be so vague and non-committal at the local level. That's almost Presidential-speak.
posted by Meg Kelso | 4:48 AM
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