I don't remember where...

...but years ago I read that,when it comes to lovemaking, people will generally do to you what they like to have done to them. So, if your lover really gets into pleasing you orally, you can generally assume that they enjoy having it done to them. Now that I think of it, oral gratification was probably a bad example because when it comes to heading south of the border, very few people will place road blocks up when “Daniel Boone” goes exploring. But you get the point…pay attention to what your lover does to you…and, if it’s physically possible, do the same thing back to them.

I read that salacious tidbit before I figured it out for myself. What no one told me was that when people want to OFFEND another…they go with what offends THEM….sort of the same theory in reverse. And just like the chick with the huge implants gets no thrill out of nipple attention, calling an adult “poo poo head” probably wouldn’t be any more annoying than the kid in Peoria who is currently crying for her nukkie. I can’t hear the kid in Peoria and I’m not even sure what a “poo poo head” is…so neither one of those things bothers me much. A dude can lick all day long but the only productive thing to come out of that exercise in futility is that Numb Nipples now knows that the guy wants her to lick HIS nipples. And if I am truly a “poo poo head”, all I can say is this, “I’m rubber, you’re glue, bounces off me and sticks to you.”

Every so often some wanker finds me offensive for one reason or another. It doesn’t really appear as much more than a blip on my radar yet a LOT of time is put into the effort to get all eighth grade on me. That’s cool, any yahoo who feels the need to attack from behind the cloak of anonymity isn’t going to be taken any more seriously than Gaddafi takes the United States. Eighth grade tactics bothered me when I was in eighth grade, but I can pretty much shake my head and walk away at this point in my life. If you wanted to hurt me, you’d have to have information that I don’t share with many people in real life, I certainly don’t give the online wankers enough information to bug me.

That nutty roommate of mine tried to scare me when she said, “I WILL ROCK YOUR WORLD!” First of all, when I said that crap 30 years ago, I said, “I will rock your world…TWICE.” Secondly, I said that crap 30 years ago! That chick never had enough information to “rock my world” and the cretins who think they’re bothering me should be in the Time Wasters Hall of Fame. Over the past 5 years I’ve had my share of internet hecklers and if they were going to shut me up, scare me away or rock my world, it would have happened years ago. As it is, I’m still here, at the same URL where I’ve been forever, typing away everyday with my morning coffee to give all comers a piece of my mind…twisted as it may be at times.

But…to the eighth grade mind, this is great folly. Giddy up.

I receive daily insults in my emails that I considered posting up here but then it occurred to me that you guys don’t care about that anymore than I do so I thought better of it. But…I did want to make the two points that I made at the beginning of this post so that you might be able to use the info at some point in life.

One other thing…something that I always told my kids while they were growing up…you never discover a NEW idiot…you stumble upon a KNOWN idiot. Trust that people with a brain will see a moron for the fool that he or she is and then just walk away.

OK…now that I’ve finished my grandmotherly lesson du jour, I suppose I can chat away about something else. Today is most definitely a weekend day and that means that I’m taking my dog to the local dog park. It’s a huge fenced in area where dogs are not allowed to be on a leash so the place is almost exclusively utilised by owners of very well behaved dogs. I’m quite pleased to be in that category.

There’s just one small problem…my dog sees it as one huge toilet. He spends most of his time marking territory marked by the cocker spaniel in front of him. And since I chose to take him home should he dare to take a dump in the dog park…he seems to have decided that I take him there specifically for that purpose. I can take him for a two mile walk and he will STILL squat as soon as he gets to the dog park. The first time it happened I was rather embarrassed but now it happens so often I just carry the bags in my pockets and wait to perform my appointed sanitation duty.

Of course if my dog SHOULD stop making deposits long enough to look around, he will immediately smell the butt of the nearest dog…male, female or toy poodle. He’s definitely anal…I just wish he was more retentive.

This is what happens to boiling eggs as you sleep.