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Hi. I'm trying to think of another description to put here. Any ideas? I'll try again at 420.

Monday, August 17, 2009

OK then...

...I should know that my first instinct is usually right.

I went to all of the trouble to apologize for "misjudging" a "nice" guy after I didn't give him a chance to be a nice guy. I just assumed that the guy was a cad and I told him up front that we wouldn't be having sex the night he came over here to watch TV. Then, when we hung out again, he asked me why I said that. I felt badly for not giving him an opportunity to be decent before I gave him the sex caveat so I told him that I was sorry and I posted a retraction on this blog...humbling myself before him and the entire internet world.

Then, we decided to hang out again yesterday.

The day began nicely enough, he came over and I made dinner to eat as we relaxed and watched a movie. At one point he wanted to go back to his place so we did and I took all of the makings for muffins with me so that I could make us something sweet to eat.

When we got to his place, I immediately went to work on the muffins. I put them in the oven to bake and then I went over to where he was watching TV. Before the stupid muffins were done, he made the following comment:

"If you ever want to have cheap, meaningless non-committal sex, just let me know."

I responded, "Did I do or say anything that makes you think it's OK to say something like that to me?" He laughed, apparently thinking that I was kidding. Well, I wasn't. I left it at that and waited for the muffins to finish cooking, all the time thinking about what had just transpired. By the time they were done, I decided that it was time to head home. I got the muffins, gave him a couple and then I wrapped up the rest in plastic wrap. He asked me if I wanted butter on mine and I said, "No, I'm leaving."

He asked, "Did I say something wrong?" I said, "Oh no, how could THAT be?" Then I took my muffins and left.

OK...so I gave him a chance to be decent...he wasn't. He was just more proof that some men simply do not possess the brain power to fight the testosterone induced urge to act like an idiot.

This one HAS the capacity to be a nice guy. I've seen him do it...a lot. I've known him for years and he has NEVER done anything like that before. But somehow...after years of behaving appropriately...yesterday it was just too much for him and he simply HAD to be a jerk.

However, I must say, it WAS an interesting change from the usual groping that I have to contend with. Instead of pushing him away and leaving immediately in disgust, I had to sit there, think about what he said, consider my options carefully while developing a plan and then I had to act on those considerations.

A few different things came to mind as I was sitting there, reeling from the shock and waiting for my muffins to cook. I could have slapped him, argued with him or walked out on him. I'm not a slapper type person and I hate to argue so my decision was not at all a difficult one. I could also have tossed a drink at him and drink tossing is something that I'm familiar with because generally, you have to be sitting in a bar with a drink in your hand to meet such disrespect. I've tossed my share of drinks in my day, I've even picked up the mustard or ketchup and squirted THAT on a man or two. But, all I had was my iced tea and I wanted it so I chose to simply get up and walk away.

One interesting aside...when I asked him if I had done or said anything that made him feel as though he could speak to me that way, his answer was, "Well, it goes back to that 'We won't be having sex.' comment that you made the other day." You know how a 2 year old can sit there with chocolate on their face wondering how you knew they ate the cake? Well, some men are just that stupid. This one is no exception.

He did that instinctively man thing of turning it all back on me before he even wondered if it would make sense to do so. He didn't think his plan through past that stupid comment, instead he counted on feminine stupidity to carry him should he meet resistance to his "logic". I'm not sure which of his assumptions is more offensive...the assumption that he could get away speaking to me like I'm some sort of trollop or the assumption that the mere presence of my boobs would make me dumb enough to fall for the "turning it back on me" strategy.

Although I'm glad that I walked away, I do wonder what he would have said had I pursued that line of questioning. But, been there, done that. My ex was one who would tell a lie before he ever considered how many laws of physics the lie was breaking. And, of course, men who lie so reflexively never admit that they're lying so you can hear some dumb ass bullshit when you do try to pin them down. At first it seems like a waste of time, but if you think about it, it really does keep your asshole radar well honed.


Blogger Sous Gal said...

I'm truly enjoying your posts about dating and men :) On what planet does he think that comment was appropriate, warranted, acceptable or cute??

I've got one of my own to toss your way: Guy asked me out for coffee. I went. I sent him an email two days later thanking him for the coffee. He wrote back that he wasn't sure how to "read" my email...he was attempting to find out if I was interested in dating, I think. (I'm back in my hometown and we went to the same high school, back in the day).

He further wrote this: "If you think you'd like to have dinner, give me a call sometime."

Guess what. I haven't called :)

August 17, 2009  
Blogger Meg Kelso said...


Men...if it must be said, YOU call US...at least the first time.

Well Sweet Sous...they can be a conundrum, can they not?

Glad you're enjoying it...so am I. Even when this crap happens. I just can't WAIT to get back here and tell you guys about it!


August 17, 2009  

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