Sometimes we learn...
...from our own mistakes and sometimes, albeit rarely, we learn from the mistakes made by others. I recently overheard a chick making a HUUUUGE mistake and there wasn't a thing I could do to help her.
First of all, it wasn't any of my business...it's not like she was my kid. Second of all, I didn't want to begin any squabbles...some people become offended when another person offers constructive criticism, no matter how well intended.
This chick is one smart, beautiful and classy young woman. She has everything in the world going for her except for the fact that she is the ONLY person who cannot see how smart, beautiful and classy she is.
People wonder why they keep getting involved with jerks. Maybe it's a woman who consistently dates abusive men, lying men or just plain useless men who simply want to use her for one thing or another. I've heard this woman wonder out loud why she only seems to attract the worst that manhood has to offer. She knows there's a problem, but for the life of her, she can't figure it out at all.
But after listening to a few of her conversations, I have her and her problem pegged to a tee. Mind you, I wasn't trying to spy on her or her little chats, but she was in the same room in which I was watching a movie and I wouldn't have left the movie. Heck, I wouldn't have left the room anyway...I sprained my knee the other day and I've been laid up on the couch ever since. If anyone was going to leave, it was going to be the interloper who chose to stay so close to the gimp whilst having these conversations.
The reason I'm even bringing it up is that I hope someone, anyone, learns something from this. So many people (men and women) wonder why they seem to attract the same old yahoos that treat them like dirt in one way or another. Some of the nicest, most honest and decent people make the same mistake that this chick (we'll call her Talkative Chick) made. And the mistake is so innocuous that they would never pick up on the fact that what they're doing is scaring away decent guys and when you do that, you're left with the ilk of man who is more likely to behave in one of the aformentioned manners. They may be as clueless as Talkative Chick when it comes to identifying the problem, but the fact that they DON'T get it simply adds to the chances of entering one of those, "Oh no...it's happened again!" relationships.
Let's see if I can sort of paraphrase what I overheard Talkative Chick say to 3 different guys. It went sort of like this:
"I was in a really serious relationship with a guy for years and I thought he was the "one". That didn't work out at all. It was a huge mistake and I'm still a bit angry about that. On top of that, I had a great job that I lost earlier this year and it's had me so depressed that I ended up going to a psychiatrist. He put me on some drugs for depression but I don't think they're working at all. As it that weren't bad enough, I slipped and injured my back so now I couldn't get a decent job if I wanted to..."
I think you get the idea...the conversation went on and on about the negative things that had happened to Talkative Chick over the past year. Not once did she shut up long enough to listen to the guy nor did I hear her say, "But you know the old adage, 'What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.' so I'm OK with it all, I just need to take care of business until my luck takes a turn for the better.
Any guy still listening after all of sad, sad bullshit most likely has his own sad, sad story to tell and when two people like that get together, the sadness doesn't double, it increases exponentially bringing exponentially more sadness to both parties.
Earlier this year, I dated a guy a couple of times before inviting him over to my place for dinner. When we were out, we didn't really have occasion to chat, we were just having fun. But the evening he came to my place for dinner, I got to hear him speak. His conversation went something like this:
"I don't know what you see in me. You're way out of my league, I don't know why you'd want to spend time with someone like me..."
Well, he said stuff like that for about 20 minutes before it occurred to me that he was right, I WAS too good for him. I only say that because as bad as things can get in my life, I still know that I'm a valuable person and certainly worthy of the attention of a decent guy. So, I said, "You're right. I could be miserable all by myself, I don't need to invite miserable people over to help me be miserable. Sorry dude, but you need to leave now."
He was stunned. My guess is he was fishing for compliments and what could I say? "Oh baby, you're so cool the way you put yourself down...it turns me on something bizarre!"
Well, this biatch don't play that game so I just sent him packing. As he walked away from my front door, I could see him looking back over his shoulder. I'm 98.768% sure that he was thinking, "What the hell just happened? The self pity thing works on so many women!"
Obviously he chose the wrong woman that time.
Men, AND women, enjoy having fun. They also enjoy being around friendly, happy people. When a person forgets to attract others by being pleasant company and begins to use the self-depreciation crap, they have limited themselves to others who play that game. And as I said, misery plus misery equals something more than misery squared.
Many of you know exactly what I'm talking about. Some of you dont. Unfortunately, the information is wasted on the people self aware enough to grasp my point but I hope that there is someone out there who can see themselves in this post. If so, I hope that they take what I've said to heart.
It's not that there are THAT many jerks out there, there ARE quite a few, but that's not the problem. The problem is that too many people believe that others will be attracted to a sob story. To some extent, they're right, some people love a chick with a sob story...it's just that when they meet one, they see a weakness that they think they can take advantage of.
If you know someone who seems to attract the same type of jerk over and over again, send this post to them on the off chance that they might recognize some of their own actions that lead them to make the same mistakes that always seem to end in a great big ball of trouble.
:)
Here's the link if you want to send the post to anyone else:
http://diaryofmydivorce.blogspot.com/2009/12/sometimes-we-learn.html
...from our own mistakes and sometimes, albeit rarely, we learn from the mistakes made by others. I recently overheard a chick making a HUUUUGE mistake and there wasn't a thing I could do to help her.
First of all, it wasn't any of my business...it's not like she was my kid. Second of all, I didn't want to begin any squabbles...some people become offended when another person offers constructive criticism, no matter how well intended.
This chick is one smart, beautiful and classy young woman. She has everything in the world going for her except for the fact that she is the ONLY person who cannot see how smart, beautiful and classy she is.
People wonder why they keep getting involved with jerks. Maybe it's a woman who consistently dates abusive men, lying men or just plain useless men who simply want to use her for one thing or another. I've heard this woman wonder out loud why she only seems to attract the worst that manhood has to offer. She knows there's a problem, but for the life of her, she can't figure it out at all.
But after listening to a few of her conversations, I have her and her problem pegged to a tee. Mind you, I wasn't trying to spy on her or her little chats, but she was in the same room in which I was watching a movie and I wouldn't have left the movie. Heck, I wouldn't have left the room anyway...I sprained my knee the other day and I've been laid up on the couch ever since. If anyone was going to leave, it was going to be the interloper who chose to stay so close to the gimp whilst having these conversations.
The reason I'm even bringing it up is that I hope someone, anyone, learns something from this. So many people (men and women) wonder why they seem to attract the same old yahoos that treat them like dirt in one way or another. Some of the nicest, most honest and decent people make the same mistake that this chick (we'll call her Talkative Chick) made. And the mistake is so innocuous that they would never pick up on the fact that what they're doing is scaring away decent guys and when you do that, you're left with the ilk of man who is more likely to behave in one of the aformentioned manners. They may be as clueless as Talkative Chick when it comes to identifying the problem, but the fact that they DON'T get it simply adds to the chances of entering one of those, "Oh no...it's happened again!" relationships.
Let's see if I can sort of paraphrase what I overheard Talkative Chick say to 3 different guys. It went sort of like this:
"I was in a really serious relationship with a guy for years and I thought he was the "one". That didn't work out at all. It was a huge mistake and I'm still a bit angry about that. On top of that, I had a great job that I lost earlier this year and it's had me so depressed that I ended up going to a psychiatrist. He put me on some drugs for depression but I don't think they're working at all. As it that weren't bad enough, I slipped and injured my back so now I couldn't get a decent job if I wanted to..."
I think you get the idea...the conversation went on and on about the negative things that had happened to Talkative Chick over the past year. Not once did she shut up long enough to listen to the guy nor did I hear her say, "But you know the old adage, 'What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.' so I'm OK with it all, I just need to take care of business until my luck takes a turn for the better.
Any guy still listening after all of sad, sad bullshit most likely has his own sad, sad story to tell and when two people like that get together, the sadness doesn't double, it increases exponentially bringing exponentially more sadness to both parties.
Earlier this year, I dated a guy a couple of times before inviting him over to my place for dinner. When we were out, we didn't really have occasion to chat, we were just having fun. But the evening he came to my place for dinner, I got to hear him speak. His conversation went something like this:
"I don't know what you see in me. You're way out of my league, I don't know why you'd want to spend time with someone like me..."
Well, he said stuff like that for about 20 minutes before it occurred to me that he was right, I WAS too good for him. I only say that because as bad as things can get in my life, I still know that I'm a valuable person and certainly worthy of the attention of a decent guy. So, I said, "You're right. I could be miserable all by myself, I don't need to invite miserable people over to help me be miserable. Sorry dude, but you need to leave now."
He was stunned. My guess is he was fishing for compliments and what could I say? "Oh baby, you're so cool the way you put yourself down...it turns me on something bizarre!"
Well, this biatch don't play that game so I just sent him packing. As he walked away from my front door, I could see him looking back over his shoulder. I'm 98.768% sure that he was thinking, "What the hell just happened? The self pity thing works on so many women!"
Obviously he chose the wrong woman that time.
Men, AND women, enjoy having fun. They also enjoy being around friendly, happy people. When a person forgets to attract others by being pleasant company and begins to use the self-depreciation crap, they have limited themselves to others who play that game. And as I said, misery plus misery equals something more than misery squared.
Many of you know exactly what I'm talking about. Some of you dont. Unfortunately, the information is wasted on the people self aware enough to grasp my point but I hope that there is someone out there who can see themselves in this post. If so, I hope that they take what I've said to heart.
It's not that there are THAT many jerks out there, there ARE quite a few, but that's not the problem. The problem is that too many people believe that others will be attracted to a sob story. To some extent, they're right, some people love a chick with a sob story...it's just that when they meet one, they see a weakness that they think they can take advantage of.
If you know someone who seems to attract the same type of jerk over and over again, send this post to them on the off chance that they might recognize some of their own actions that lead them to make the same mistakes that always seem to end in a great big ball of trouble.
:)
Here's the link if you want to send the post to anyone else:
http://diaryofmydivorce.blogspot.com/2009/12/sometimes-we-learn.html
posted by Meg Kelso | 4:10 PM
2 Comments:
That makes a lot of sense. I bet that guy wondered what had hit him haha
Yeah he was probably waiting to hang up at the first possible opportunity, LOLOLOL. Oh well, now we know how some men get frightened off ASAP...unless the dude himself is psycho!
:)
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